The Thumánn Legend

Chapter 46: Betrayal

2011-10-21T07:26:00.000-07:00

Elvirina

Joan came by that afternoon. She was humbled, awed and impressed that she was invited to our home. She did a lot of poking, prodding, measuring and asking questions, while putting it all in her little notebook. Looking at her face, my pregnancy was the best present that she had ever received. She met with every single member of the family and asked more questions. I stopped paying attention at some point.

One question that I had was the result of the blood tests that she had done. She answered curtly that they hadn't come back yet, but this morning, she had received an acceptance letter from the research program that Blake had orchestrated. I didn't have a clue what kind of research project it was.

The day was as hot as yesterday and we all chose to participate in our all-time favorite activity. We went to the lake where everyone, except me, cliff jumped. However, I dared something new as a result of Blake's encouragement. I lay out in the energizing sun only in a bikini top, while trying hard not to feel embarrassed about showing my scar or take notice how the others stared.

Everyone went full throttle for the first year’s cliff jumping, but because I was pregnant, I stayed below and cheered everyone else on. Joshwin made Chrystan swear not to tell our parents about this back tattoo and then showed it to him as well.

After dinner, I put in some effort at home and told Dew to leave the kitchen, which I wanted to clean for him. He grumbled a bit, but left me to do it.

“I missed you yesterday.” Joshwin startled me when he kissed my bare shoulder. I had flung on strap shirt when getting back from the lake. “What did you do?” There was an edge to his question that I didn't quite understand.

“I got my necklace fixed. Blake tried and failed to teach me how to play basketball, but we didn’t do much else.” I edited out what he didn't need to know. I already missed Blake so much that it was unhealthy for me.

“He'll be fine,” Joshwin encouraged. He let his hands slide under the summer top, while pulling me flush against his body. His hands rested warmly and freely on my swollen stomach. The skin on skin contact was heavenly, but so unexpected. “Four days without nausea and counting.”

I wiggled around in his arms and faced him. “I’m really trying to not think about it, so I don’t jinx it.”

“Good choice.” He laughed briefly as he moved his hands up my back. His touch had a different edge to it, one that I didn't recognize. I savored this rare moment of contact and nuzzled into his chest. He let me without distancing himself from me.

I settled outside on the back porch with my sketchpad and started drawing while the light was still good enough. My skin started to feel sticky and sweaty to the point where it was unbearable. I wasn't sure if it was nausea returning or something else. I showered before going to bed to get rid of the clingy feeling. After I put on my panties, the claustrophobic feeling ripped at me and protested to the idea of wearing more clothes. I didn’t want to irk Joshwin, so I would just make sure to stay on my side of the bed when being this exposed.

Towards the morning, a dream drifted into my mind. It was one that I didn't want, but I couldn’t control it or push it away.

Joshwin wanted me.

In my dream, he touched me with the hands of a lover, real sensual intention and on purpose. He put his hand on my stomach slowly letting it glide over to my breast, where he softly and expertly kneaded and played his fingers over my skin. It hurt and was thrilling at the same time, but as everything else with Joshwin, the dream vanished before it could really offer me any kind of relief. Even in the fantasy, he refused me.

In the morning, I did what I'd promised Blake. I talked to Joshwin about Blake’s fear that he would be less involved as a father compared to him. Joshwin listened attentively.

“He thought that I wouldn’t listen to him, didn’t he?” Joshwin said pensively, before he loaded another spoonful of muesli into his mouth and chewed. I nodded vaguely. Joshwin swallowed. “I would kind of be disappointed if this subject hadn’t surfaced at some point. Look, Elvie. I’m just as confused as everyone else. Right now, I only do what is expected of me, but the three of us need to redefine how we live. You as well as I know that we live in between two worlds. One isn’t better than the other, but we just need to figure out what leg to stand on together.” He picked up my hand and kissed my palm. His intense gaze held mine. “Let’s have this conversation when he gets back, okay?”

“Okay,” I agreed.

School was the same as ever... almost. Blake was missing from my first class and it gave me less of a purpose to be here. However, something, that I had willingly ignored, couldn't be avoided any longer - finals. They were in a little more than two weeks and all through the last week of school. Apparently, I was the only one not in a twist about studying, plus something, that I had no recollection of, surfaced. It was called The Fantasy Team Draw. Vapid girly voices kept buzzing in my head with names. I found it to be infuriating.

At home, Joshwin was stranger than usual. I was seriously starting to consider if he was bipolar. I loved the attention from him, but it was as unpredictable as a lightning bolt. It had the tendency to vanish before I even really registered what was happening. While lying next to me, I noticed that Joshwin’s sleep was uneasy because he was tossing and turning nonstop. His eyes were darker, almost like he was brooding. He often watched me with those dark eyes and an unreadable expression. Normally, his feelings were posted in his features, but now, I could see neither rhyme nor reason in them. It was confusing. Secretly, I feared that our friendship was falling apart, but deep down, I was sure that wasn't true. I just couldn't figure out what it was. He was becoming something of an enigma to me.

Afternoons were set aside for studying, but I persuaded Joshwin to go to the plateau and let me do some artwork instead. Joshwin sometimes studied, but he was completely unfocused due to pain, but he never complained. I, on the other hand, closed the last of the fillings Thursday afternoon and was left with nothing to do.

I plopped down beside him with an empty feeling in my gut and hands itching to do more. Joshwin leaned his head in his palm and watched me with gleaming dark blue eyes. I wondered what was beneath the oceanic surface. I couldn't shake the limp feeling of confusion with him.

My stomach churned, while threatening that I should eat or nausea was headed my way. I fished a pear out the bag of supplies that we brought just in case. “What is it, Elvie?” Joshwin picked up on my mood, as always. I pondered whether I wanted to have this conversation now. At that same time, I sank my teeth into the fruit. Juice from the pear trickled down my fingers and arm because it was overly ripe and deliciously sweet.

“I'm confused,” I answered as I tried to manage the spilling fruit juice. Joshwin stared ominously at my hand and then sucked in his lip. His fingers coiled around my wrist, while pulling my pear-clutched hand towards his mouth. “Do you want a taste?”

His answer was deep and his eyes were dark. “Yes.” His mouth drew open, but his teeth didn't break into the fruit, instead his tongue snaked up my wrist and licked the moisture running down my arm. I stared bluntly at his eyes that were burning into mine. He watched me closely as his mouth closed around my index finger and liberated it from the sticky juice with a warm suckles. The softness of his mouth burned inside of me, bringing need and a sleeping monster inside of me horribly alive in one helpless second.

Joshwin smiled coyly. “What are you confused about?”

I swallowed thickly. “This... you! You know what this does to me.” My voice sounded so strung out. A small response rumbled in his throat and the same coy smile lingered on his lips. He tugged on my wrist and bit into the fruit. As he chewed slowly, his eyes smoldered, but were otherwise completely unreadable. The silence was eerie and the only tangible sound was my gasping breath and my pulse thudding in my ears. My body was already alert and ready to beg for him. “Joshwin... are you trying to tell me something?” I whispered. My throat felt so dry.

He didn't answer. His only response was his lower lip that fell into his mouth, as he licked it slowly. If words escaped him, that shouldn't stop us. I retrieved my hand from his hold, leaving the pear on the wooden floor.

“I’m going to try something here. Say stop or you don’t have to say anything at all, Joshwin. Do or say what you want.” I tugged on the cord at my back holding my top in place and peeled the fabric from my breasts. The scrappy top fell soundless beside me.

I waited. I waited countless minutes for any kind of response.

His face was stoic, but his eyes were burning intensely. His hand balled into a fist, where the skin whitened over the knuckles, but his slow breath gave nothing away. He didn't move an inch. I picked up my top, put it over my chest again and tied it. “It’s okay,” I murmured quietly, while refusing to let this count as one more rejection.

I picked up the pear again, opened one of his books, and started to read. Beside me, Joshwin grew gloomy as his mood shifted yet again and he lay down on his stomach grumbling. I had no clue how to approach him or if I offended him or not.

During the night, Joshwin was even more anxious, bouncing around like the bed had fleas. He woke me up several times, but I dozed off immediately again. When I woke up, I wasn’t surprised that the bed was empty. He had too much energy to sleep for as long as I had. One thing clouded my mind today and only one thing, my Blake was coming home tonight. He would be here around midnight and my insides buzzed with anticipation. The tournament was going rather well. The finals were today and he was playing. I really wanted to go see the game, but it would be an eight hour drive and out of the question.

I spoke to Beth shortly at school. She approached me to let me know that she was happy for Blake and me. I wondered shortly if she found me as intimidating as I found her. She had all the qualities that I admired in a person. She had guts and tenacity. I had none of those.

The nausea was still manageable, but my pregnancy was getting harder to conceal, mainly because I had grown the habit of stoking my stomach in a very specific and telling way.

The afternoon was quiet. Both Serenity and Chrystan were studying. Serenity went all in because she cared and Chrystan studied because this was it for him. He was graduating. We still had another year to go, so I wouldn't finish by any means. The baby would come before that, but I only went because Blake wanted me to.

The car broke down again and Joshwin threw his shifty mood into the engine. I tried to make an effort to study, but I couldn't stop my mind from wandering to my returning husband. I missed him horribly. I wondered if that was why Joshwin was steering clear of me today because Blake was coming home.

I counted the hours and around eleven and showered again to make time pass. At midnight, I sat curled on the porch waiting for him. The pent-up energy had taken a big bite out of me. I was really exhausted, so at about one in the morning, I changed tactics. I moved to Blake’s room and climbed into his bed. This was a more comfortable position to wait in than to be stuck on the hardwood floors.

While feeling very woozy, I registered fingers running up my mark. “Are you sleeping?”

“You're home.” I mused, feeling quite relieved. It loosened all the knots in my stomach to hear his husky voice. My husband was home. I rubbed my face against the pillow.

“Yes... sorry, I got detained,” he answered huskily.

“I'm just glad that you’re home.” I opened my eyes. We were in the few days a year where it didn't really get dark outside and when it did, it last only a few hours. I turned around because I wanted to see his face and the dim light luckily revealed his normally beautiful features. Sitting on the edge of the bed, his face startled me. The darkness under his eyes, the flat tone to his complexion and the hollowing of his cheeks was startling. Besides that, he had a bit of a shiner.

“Me too.” However, compared to the darkness in his face, his smile was brilliant.

“I missed you like crazy.” I cleared my throat to make my voice less raspy.

“Mmm,” Blake mused softly. I felt his warm lips press again my shoulder. Then, he dipped lower inhaling deeply at my neck, while soaking his face in my hair for long moments. I relished his closeness until he drew back from the crook of my neck. I traced a finger under his eye. I was glad to see the darkness was already retreating. He closed his eyes tiredly and leaned into my touch. “I love you so much,” he whispered hoarsely. His hand drew under the sheets where he placed a warm palm tenderly against my skin and eased it around to the slow growing bump. “Nauseous today?” He rubbed my belly gently.

“Not too bad.”

Blake grinned. “Did you make Joshwin throw up lately?”

“No, not as far as I know.”

“You've grown,” he said, while smoothing his fingertips lightly against my skin.

“Not much.” I reached for his face and cupped it in my hands.

“I can feel that you have. I missed it,” he mused almost sadly.

“You’re home now.” I sighed. He kissed me slowly and gently his tongue coaxed my lips apart. He tasted different. “Did you drink?” I mumbled against his mouth when I could sense the alcohol on his tongue.

“Yes... I had a few victory beers with Harrison and Brian on the way home. Beth picked Harrison and me up and drove us home. My friends have been complaining that I’m a bore lately, as you might have noticed.” Blake spoke against my mouth.

“You won?” I blurted, totally embarrassed that I forgot to ask.

“Of course we did,” Blake scoffed. I giggled.

I glanced at the window and the vague light filtering in. “What time is it?”

“Three-thirty.”

“I thought you'd be back earlier.”

“So did I, but turns out that I had a date.” Blake grinned and cocked a teasing brow at me.

“You what?” I spat. Jealousy threatened to poison this blissful homecoming.

“Brian seems to be under the impression that I'm not getting any lately, so he arranged a very pretty cheerleader for me.” Blake croaked leaning over me. “If he only knew…” Under the sheets, a teasing finger drew around the curve of my breast. Dark envy raised a wave of unhealthy anger.

I hated girls thinking that they could grab at my Blake, but for all they knew, he was available. He pursed his lips, then leaned in and drew the tip of his tongue up my neck. “Too bad, she was blond... I solely prefer jealous black haired wives.” A throaty laugh rumbled through his chest as he dragged the sheet completely from my body. A possessive humming traveled up my spine telling me exactly what Blake wanted. It wasn’t far from my train of thoughts as I slung my leg across his lap and straddled him. I was welcomed into his embrace with a hungry passionate kiss. Heavy breaths feathered across my face repeatedly as the heat between us blossomed.

“Did you forget to put your clothes on or were you waiting for me?” Blake mused, clearly satisfied. His hands were firmly on my body and holding me close.

“I was waiting for you,” I moaned. My hips twitched longingly against Blake. “I want you.” I confessed with throbbing need pumping through my veins. My mouth demanded his feverishly, while my fingers were digging into his shoulder blades under his shirt.

“Really?” He crooned the second that he buried his face in my neck, desperately kissing my skin and started nibbling. His hand stroked my inner thigh suggestively, moving further in between my legs. His fingertips smoothed through the slick wetness, before he eased a finger into me. Blake hummed with pleasure. I gasped powerlessly when my body flooded with sensation as Blake teased me with what he knew that I wanted.

“Don't stop,” I begged when Blake shifted his weight under me. I couldn't take it, when my body was screaming for more.

“Who said I was stopping?” Blake carefully nipped me just below my jaw. He pulled me closer and had his finger grinding deeper into me, while meeting that ache blooming inside of me. Defenselessly, my head fell against his shoulder and I moaned wantonly. It felt so good to have him close again, but I needed more. His tongue slipped across my jaw searching up towards my ear. “Will you let me try something, baby?” His voice was rough and deep in my ear.

“Anything,” I gasped. I didn't care what. I was too focused on deeper needs. My hips twitched impatiently when Blake's hand vanished and the delicious teasing stopped. I was grabbed by the waist and pulled over his lap. After being placed on my back, I felt the sheets scurry underneath me then Blake carelessly yanked me to lay flat and comfortable on my back. His lips were on mine when he crawled over me again. His gaze was devilish as his hand moved back down below my waist and teased my tender spot. My foggy mind ravished the caress and begged for more.

While breathing heavily, Blake sat back in his heels and ripped his shirt off at the same time that I went for the closing of his pants, almost tearing them open. I slipped my fingers over his erection and touched him, but before I could dip my fingers beneath the fabric, he pushed me back down on the bed. Feverishly, he started kissing my neck. His mouth was warm and wet, while caressing my scar. I succumbed to his attention when he sucked my nipple and bit down on the peak. I hardly noticed when he moved further south, leaving a few tender kisses at my stomach. Something soft and moist suddenly touched the inside of my thigh. Panic surged through me when I realized what Blake was about to do. My body tensed and it was like I split into two halves, one painfully aware of my previous dream and wanting to try more than anything and the other terrified to accept that kind of intimacy.

Instinctively, Blake picked up on my minor panic attack and peered up at my face through his lashes. He was intensely studying my face as his chest rose and fell with each heavy breath. He slowly dipped his head lower again as his hand leisurely caressed my thigh. Carefully, he grabbed a hold around my leg and pushed it aside, basically opening me. Little by little, his gaze fell and lingered directly on my completely exposed privates for a long moment. My heart worked like a jackhammer in my chest because he had never pushed me this far, but I trusted him.

His eyes drifted to my face again, burning with undisguised desire. Leisurely, he moistened his lips. “Tell me if you want me to stop... but I want to taste you.” The raw edge to Blake's voice did unspeakable things to my body. I bit back my trepidation and nodded. He kept that bone deep piercing gaze on my face, as he lowered his face in between my legs. I watched his mouth fall slightly open and give the first enticing sweep across my sex with his tongue. The softness of his mouth was astonishing and oh so beguiling as he really started to work over my skin. Wantonly, I spread my legs wider and let him suck and nip and kiss my sensitive flesh. Who the hell knew how captivating this felt? It took only a few short moments until my mind completely shut down. I only felt the warmth of his mouth working against me so intimately.

“Oh, God!” I groaned and my hand smashed against the head of the bed. An explosion coiled from the pit of my stomach influencing every cell of my body. This pleasure moved my body in ways that I never even thought possible. The sensation was unbelievable and Blake kept teasing my spot with his tongue. It hummed uncontrollably down below. I was sucked away from reality when another wave unexpectedly thrashed through me. A restraining hand held against my waist when I gasped loudly for air. What an awesome coming home present to hit a climax this extraordinary.

“I thought that you didn't believe in God,” he whispered smugly, while carefully grazing his teeth against my ear.

“I do now,” I whispered sluggishly with the effects of my climax still washing through me. I opened my eyes to see Blake's content face hovering above me. My fingers knotted into his hair and pulled him demandingly down to me. I was a little surprised at the slightly salty taste of his mouth because it was different from his normal tangy taste. It dawned on me that it was me that I tasted on his lips and for some strange reason, it burned hotter inside me. I had no time to process it because it took less than a second until I felt Blake sink deep into me, filling me and bringing me to a different sense of high... one that I knew.

I woke draped across Blake's stomach and bathed in an energizing sunlight streaming through the window. By the sun’s position in the sky, I could tell that we had slept in. As I lay with my head against his stomach, my fingertips traced over the planes of his chest and followed the contours of his muscles. This morning, there wasn't even a hint of the familiar queasiness. I felt perfectly fine.

“Baby, I'm human. I played ten games in five days and you had a go at me all fucking night, not that I am complaining, but I'm sore, beaten and dog-tired. I need sleep, Elvia.” Blake grumbled and folded his arm over his eyes. I grinned. Sure we slept in, but the sun had also been up when we had stopped making love had been replaced by the need for sleep.

“I wasn't doing anything,” I refused softly and smoothed my hand firmly over his chest.

“Sure you're not,” he mumbled, clearly wanting to go back to sleep. I decided it was probably better to let him rest and find some breakfast for myself.

“Blake's home,” I said when I sat down at the table. I hadn't expected Joshwin to be having his breakfast so late.

“I know,” Joshwin answered curtly. Of course, he did. My face heated.

Blake came down for breakfast about half an hour later, surprisingly giving up on more sleep. Since breakfast had been over for hours, he started by filling his plate in the kitchen the same way I had and going through the masses. It was so good to have him home and my mind wandered into heated images of Blake’s warm tongue snaking over my excruciatingly sensitive spot. I couldn't push my smile away.

Beside me, Joshwin groaned. He dropped his fork, so it clinked loudly against the plate. I knew why, so I cleaned up my inappropriate thoughts and gave him an apologetic smile. He seemed to accept it. What Blake and I had was private, but I was so amazed with the intoxicating feeling of what he could do to me, as well as the raw and pure force of my climax.

“I feel so much better today,” I said joyfully forcing another subject.

“I know,” Joshwin answered briskly. He picked up his fork again speared a piece fruit, while chewing grimly in silence. You would have to be an idiot to have missed his terrible mood. I decided to leave him alone to mope. I just didn’t understand his mood.

Mom finished packing a few things for a day out of the house with Junius, when she rushed upstairs. Dew was in the kitchen, just moving about.

“Joshwin, I could really use your help today,” Kasardian said before he folded the paper from yesterday and left it on the table. As Blake stretched in his chair, Joshwin's face froze and his eyes clouded over with darkness. Jeez, what was his problem?

“Sure Kasardian... I'll be there in a sec,” Joshwin answered stiffly. Kasardian nodded, before passing us and aiming for the back door. Joshwin turned and glared at me. I was sipping my tea and reaching for the paper. His face was unreadable. What?

“Lift your arm, Blake,” Joshwin sneered. My eyes fled to Blake. Oh no, there could only be one reason.

“No,” Blake refused and shifted in his seat. Peripherally, he glanced at me.

“Let me see it,” Joshwin growled again and his lips flattened into a hard uncompromising line.

“There's nothing to see,” Blake answered defensively.

“Elvie!” Joshwin gritted his teeth. I didn't respond because I read Joshwin's face perfectly well. He was fuming and looked beyond betrayed. In a flash, he was out of his chair, grabbed Blake's arm and forced it up. The evidence of yet another broken rule came into view - Blake's tattoos.

“Hey!” Blake complained, while thrashing against Joshwin hard grasp. He tried to rip his arm down again, but Joshwin held it up with brute strength.

“Dammit, Elvie.” Joshwin growled, before he stomped toward the backdoor. He was fuming.

“What are you arguing about?” Kasardian’s voice was firm, but confused when he held the back door open just as Joshwin was about to rip off the handle.

“Nothing,” Joshwin and Blake muttered simultaneously.

“Elvirina?” Dad turned to me, clearly wanting a response. I kept my mouth closed, so I wouldn't betray either one of them. I was the perpetrator, the villain. I was the one that had violated the sacredness of our artwork.

“You don't need to worry, Dad,” I tried to soothe. We were all at risk. Dad couldn't know what we had all been doing for recreational fun.

“Joshwin is furious and I want to know why?” He prompted. “So what happened?” No one answered. Clearly Kasardian took it upon himself to investigate. He leaned in, while pushing his terrifyingly strong hands against the tabletop. Blake sighed in defeat and lifted his arm revealing the inner side where one third of his tattoo perturbed from the black sleeve. Kasardian yanked the fabric further up revealing the length of the swirls covering the letters spelling Elvirina.

I groaned and squirmed in my seat.

Kasardian blanched. “How the hell could you do this to Joshwin?” he fumed. “You know very well that you are not allowed to make soul mate markings and least of all on a second husband!” The timber of dad’s voice was loud and thundering through the room.

“I know, Dad,” I mumbled. I wasn't about to say Blake wasn't exactly the only person that I had been marking lately.

“This is the most disrespectful thing you could do.” Kasardian’s tenor vibrated through the room. “That better be the only one?” He snarled.

Blake sighed again and lifted his other arm, doing his best to conceal his amusement. “For heaven’s sake,” Kasardian groaned loudly. He slammed his hand against the table and I flinched. “Where are your morals and your loyalty to your soul mate... and you can take your arms down now.” He pointed callously towards Blake.

“Oh, right.” Blake arranged his sleeves again.

“Answer me, Elvie,” Kasardian hissed loudly.

“Don't talk to her like that, Kasardian,” Joshwin intervened frostily.

“Well someone around here should learn some manners and respect. This is your right, not his.” Kasardian seethed, before he glowered at Blake. “Did you put her up to this?”

“No! Dad, don't blame Blake and don’t speak to Joshwin that way!” My voice was suddenly loud and fierce. He might be my father, but Joshwin and Blake were my family. Dad ignored me.

“He meddled before, Elvie! He needs to learn his place in our world.”

When Joshwin raised his voice, it was loud and cutting and my dad had no time to stop it. “Kasardian, this is my family, my responsibility and you do not talk to either of them like that!” I was quite shocked when Joshwin basically told Kasardian to shut up – just not in so many words, but his loud growling tone certainly implied it. Joshwin went still as a statue staring at Blake. “Sorry, Elvie,” he mumbled and pulled his shirt over his head to reveal what I had done on his back. He slowly turned and let Kasardian see the full extent of my disrespect to our sacred traditions. “So that puny semblance of a marking Blake has on his arms is nothing compared to my mark. I am just as guilty as they are,” Joshwin finished.

“Great, Joshwin, get us in more trouble.” Blake groaned, though I sensed a flicker of appreciation for what Joshwin just did. He sold his own hide to bail out Blake... at the expense of me. He protected his brother. He protected the weakest person in this conflict.

Dad gasped when he saw the extent of my extracurricular activities. “In all my days...” he gasped with astonishment. His eyes fled from Joshwin's bare torso to me, probably analyzing my guilty face. “Sibilla!” He called out loudly. It took a few seconds for my mom to appear at the top of the stairs. Dew materialized from the kitchen, as did Junius from the back door.

Joshwin stood fearless in the middle of the room, looking like a Greek God in his grace and resolve. Pride and not a speck of shame covered his frame. He owned what we had done with an uncanny determination and all the way down to the heels of his feet. I had to admit that I don't think I had seen anything hotter than Joshwin in this very moment.

Mom rushed down the stairs with her skirt flowing behind her. “Elvirina, tell me that you didn't do this,” she huffed, while taking in Joshwin's tattoo.

“Yes, she did, Sibilla,” Joshwin answered calmly. Mom dashed around to face him with her eyes wide. The room was dead silent. I didn't even dare to breathe. Something seemed to settle between them.

“Okay,” mom answered an unspoken question. She picked up her things like nothing happened and took the hand of Junius, who was ogling, and dragged him outside.

“Sibilla?” Dad gaped.

“Not your fight, Kasardian.”

“But...” She cut him off bluntly.

“Not your fight, I said.” I knew that firm tone instinctively. She paused and her voice softened. “They will handle it, my love.” Mom closed the door behind Junius and her. As quickly as Dew had materialized from the kitchen, he vanished just as swiftly into thin air. Only Kasardian was left with us and he was clearly fuming that mom had overruled him and he couldn't do anything about it. He slammed the door behind him, when going back outside.

Blake let out a big sigh. “That was interesting.”

Joshwin's jaw locked. With maddening authority shooting across his bare chest, he slowly turned back to us. “Don't you think for a second that I am done with you!” He snarled and then glared at me. “Has he marked you?” He hissed. I didn't dare to answer, not even my well build-in authority dared peeking her head out in defense. “Has. He. Marked. You?” Joshwin demanded icily.

“No,” I breathed, stricken by this different, ungentle and rage filled Joshwin. His gaze flitted back to Blake, who sat surprisingly still with his eyes on the table now. Joshwin forced his eyes shut and smashing his lids together, probably as a mean of control. Air slowly oozed from his flaring nostrils.

“You were planning on it.” He snarled. It wasn’t a question.

“Yes,” Blake gave a wisely simple answer to my big surprise. Joshwin pinched the bridge of his nose and gritted his teeth. His eyes opened again seething with menacing fury.

“I have had it with your secrets, your sneaking about, planning and plotting. Blake, you chose this life our way. There are rules, you know that and you need to start living by them. You have no fucking chance in hell of understanding how you just insulted me. We are playing on my side of the fence which was your own choice, so you better man the fuck up and show me some goddamn respect.” Joshwin's voice ripped loud and icily through the room. His eyes were burning. He didn't leave time for any kind of response, but fled up the stairs and slammed the door to his room.

I sat there paralyzed and my head was dizzy from lack of oxygen. I had never ever seen anything like that in Joshwin. I couldn't even be sure that I believed what I just saw. Joshwin displayed emotions that I never knew existed in him. He basically exploded.

“Breathe, sweetie.” Blake brought me back to reality by stroking my back gently. I hauled in a large portion of air and found his stricken face. “I knew that he would be mad... but not that mad. I didn't even know that he could.”

“Neither did I,” I gasped. My vision stopped blurring when I was breathing normally again. “I’m so sorry, Blake. I never should have agreed to mark you, but it’s best to leave him alone for a while... I think.” I muttered, while taking my plate to the kitchen. Joshwin was my enigma, but it was like disclosing a new person in front of my very eyes.

Dew glanced at me from the corner of his eye, but said nothing. He had definitely heard the whole debacle. I tiptoed upstairs drowned by a strange exhaustion. I had just gotten up, but now, I was in serious need of rest again. We went to Blake's room and inexplicable lay down on the middle of the floor. I was just frozen. Blake placed himself with his head at my feet.

“You know, that is actually the first time that I've seen him react to us, well, since you went off the deep end and slept with me and he was about an inch from kicking my ass into next week. It was a real fucking response. Oddly, it was kind of nice to see him be so human.” Blake voice was low, but then he groaned. “Well, you know what I mean.”

“I know.” I muttered, not even smiling at his joke. We didn't speak just stared at the ceiling for hours. I couldn't believe that was my Joshwin downstairs. That man, who was a man to the core of his bones, had spoken with that kind of authority and on top of that Blake hadn't uttered single a word. Was there possibly something below the surface that I didn't see?

I looked at the white wall in Blake’s room that wasn't so white anymore. Dozens of sketches, words, dates, essentially Blake's and my life together adorned the surface. I peeled my back from the floor, picked up a stump of a pencil and wrote. ‘We betrayed Joshwin’. I marked it with the date like everything else. I assumed the same position on the floor again. I wasn't sure when I dared to talk to him again or how long he would need until the fumes had settled.

Light was dimming when there was a knock on the door. “Blake?”

Blake lifted his head to find my face at his feet, his lips twitched nervously. “Yes,” he answered carefully. My heart started pounding erratically in my chest at the mere sound of Joshwin's voice.

“Can I come in?” Joshwin asked. Blake threw me another timid look before he swallowed thickly.

“Yes.” His head bumped back against the floorboards. The door opened. I closed my eyes, while pulling air in through my nose and waited for another demonic outbreak. I opened my eyes to find Joshwin staring at us in wonder. Okay, it had to be strange finding us sprawled on the floor like this. I fumbled around and began sitting up. Blake mirrored my behavior.

Joshwin slowly sat down on Blake's bed. His face was unreadable again. He was clutching something in his hands. “I’m sorry that I yelled like that. It was unfair. I er… I had a rough night.” His eyes were dark and deep, as they rested on me for a short moment. Was he conveying some sort of message? I didn’t have a clue or time to figure it out, before he spoke calmly again. He was once more like the Joshwin that I recognized. “I lost my head and my temper. I know that I’m not the easiest person to talk to, but it hurts me when you two go behind my back. It makes me feel like I can’t trust you. I don’t want to feel like that. I need to be able to trust my family.” He paused, like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. “It’s basically all I’ve got.” He looked down, but not before he cast a glance at Blake and turned something over in his hands. It was my black boxes. He carefully balanced them on the bed poster staring at them. “I have two only conditions... you ask and I am there when you mark her.”

“Okay,” Blake dared a single worded response. Blake and me looked at each other for a short moment. “We’re sorry. We didn’t mean any harm, but we should have known how it would make you feel.”

“Thanks,” Joshwin said gently. “Welcome home, Blake.”

Three days later, I was placed with my back bare, facing the wrong way on a chair. Joshwin was holding my hand and Blake was behind me.

Joshwin had mellowed out and somehow oddly regained his normal calm composure, his very smooth equilibrium. His shifty mood had placated and he was able to produce a genuine smile that didn't seem overly excited or ready to plunge into a gloomy pout.

Honestly, I was nervous, not due to the pain of the needle, but more due to Blake's lacking talent when it came to holding a pen, a lot less a needle. I had practiced with him and Joshwin had been kind and done the outlining of what Blake wanted to do, so he would only have to do the fillings.

I wasn't completely sure why Joshwin insisted on being present while doing this, when he had agreed to let Blake mark me. That was just another thing on top of a major pile of things where I was starting to realize that I didn't understand him. Joshwin had become something of a mystery to me... and Blake.

“Are you ready?” Blake asked, sighing nervously.

“Yes,” I answered, finding Joshwin’s amused eyes. He enjoyed Blake being this rattled. We were in my room, due to the explosion that occurred the other day when my parents had found out what we had been doing. Mom had left it up to us to fight our battles and Kasardian once again needed a few days to find forgiveness. But this was us, our family, our battle and we chose to do what we saw fit, as long as we agreed.

I felt the needle puncture my skin as Blake's slightly shaky hand worked across the small of my back and not up my spine. That was where Joshwin had drawn the line when Blake had asked. I was happy that there was no indifference in that reply. It was simply out of the question.

At the end of the night, I was officially marked again. In the pit of my stomach, it felt good. It was a strange fulfilling pleasure to be caring Blake's mark also.

Chapter 45: Party Favors

2011-09-14T00:46:00.000-07:00

Elvirina

The days until the weekend, I spent primarily with Joshwin. Blake was gone most of the time focusing on his game as he said. I was unsure what he actually meant. Joshwin acted stranger than usual. One minute, he was soft and attentive as usual. The next minute, he would let me get a little closer, just to turn around and shut me out completely. To be honest, my head was spinning with his mood swings. It was really hard to keep up with him. He seemed so tightly wound. I suspected it was probably emerging from my ever changing hormones influencing him.

We decided that we would all go to Brian's party at Blake's house. Even Saddettin was coming. He rarely left the homestead at all and when he did it was to help Serenity's fathers at the market selling fruits and vegetables.

That Friday, Blake had gone to his parent’s house after school to get things in order. I remembered to call Nikki to let her know that she was invited to come.

I pawed through my closet to for something to wear. I had no party clothes whatsoever and I was pretty sure my ceremonial dress was somewhat out of vogue. I was also on a mission to hide the less discreet bump growing in my belly. I gave up trying to find something smart to wear and decided on going shopping in Serenity's closet instead. She, unlike me, went to stores from time to time actually buying stuff I never spent much money on clothes. I didn’t really care what I wore, as long as it was decent. Simple pants and tees were perfectly fine to me. Serenity, however, liked to shop, not that she was a clothes horse or went for the expensive stuff, but she cared about fashion whereas I was absolutely indifferent to the matter on a daily basis. That was why I was having a serious problem now.

I found a blue A-shaped summer dress that I could hide in. By putting on a white tank top underneath, I managed to hide my scar. I cleaned my feet that had already started to suffer from this year’s shoeless season. I pushed my feet in a pair of flat ballerina shoes though I knew people would be wearing heels to this party, but I had never shoved my feet into shoes like that nor did I plan to. I pondered if I should do something with my hair, but I gave up before I even attempted anything elaborate and settled for the usual straight hair down style.

I was jittery inside because I had never been to any kind of party, gathering or social event other than what had played out at my home, so I had no clue what to expect.

Seeing Serenity emerging from her house, I was humbled and stared in awe. She was stunning in a rather casual pair of short shorts and loose shirt with a fairly low v-neck that made boys dream that they were in Saddettin's shoes – or perhaps hands. A pang of envy flushed through me. I could never wear something like that. My scar would show and people would stare in horror.

Studying Saddettin, I couldn't figure out what was so different about him. Sure, I would bet that he borrowed his pants and shirt from Joshwin, judging by the length of the trousers. I kept examining his face. I was sure the change was there and getting into the car I finally figured it out.

“Saddettin... your hair!” I blurted, discovering that the thick brown braid was gone. His hair wasn't short, but still long just enough to be tied at the neck if he wanted to.

“It took you long enough,” Serenity sneered like she expected me to discover the change sooner rather than later.

“Just trying to fit in, I guess.” Saddettin grinned nervously. Tonight, he was truly out of his comfort zone. I felt a sudden sympathy for him. His everyday world was so different compared to ours. I offered him a small smile hoping to offer him some semblance of sympathy.

Sitting in the back of the car, I pulled my wedding ring from my finger and place in on my necklace as the final ritual to get ready to face the world.

Most of the people outside Blake's house on this early summer evening stopped talking when we stepped out of the car. Sure, I heard there were often parties amongst the students, but never once had any of us participated. We were still the talk of the town. I ignored the chatter buzzing around in my head like boys vulgarly appreciating Serenity's attributes while I followed the others into the house.

Nikki located us upon arrival and began gushing thanks all over the place. She was so sweet and apparently never got invited to shindigs like this party. The house was crowded with a lot of familiar faces bumping and grinding each other. I locked my hand into Joshwin's before I was harshly run over by a few overzealous boys in need of getting somewhere fast. My hair got caught in something, which yanked out more than a few strands by the roots, and then my shoulder bumped the wall. That was probably going to leave a bruise. Joshwin hissed protectively and then shifted to fold his arm over my shoulder.

We found Blake in the living room talking to Beth. They were laughing and bantering. She smiled sweetly at me, before she followed a boy, who I figured was Harrison, somewhere else. This whole thing was like one chain reaction to another. It didn't take long until my head started pounding with intruding drunken voices. It took some effort to tune them out.

“You look pretty,” Blake whispered carefully from behind. I haven't had a chance to say a proper hello to him yet, but by the look of the crowd, I wouldn't have gotten to either.

“Thank you,” I answered softly appreciating that he noticed my stolen dress. He lifted his index finger, where he clutched one of those unbelievably expensive water bottles, and drew it sweetly down my arm. A wicked smile played on his lips and I couldn't help, but reciprocate that private gesture. I glanced at the bottle for some distance between us in this very public setting. “What? You're not drinking?” As an answer, he tilted the bottle to his lips.

“Nope,” he answered after he swallowed.

Joshwin and Chrystan fluttered off somewhere to find a few drinks. Saddettin glued himself to Serenity's side until he dared to venture out on his own for a bit after about an hour or so. Serenity informed me that she had plans to taunt Brian again, just as payback for giving her a mean stare.

We pushed our way to the terrace outside escaping the blaring noise of the music and people talking too loud. The fresh air was preferable as were the few seats that we found at a fancy garden table. Joshwin and Chrystan returned with more of the ridiculously expensive water bottles, sodas and a few beers that Chrystan and Saddettin quickly dug into. We kept our seats and hung out amongst ourselves as we always did. In all honesty, I enjoyed myself.

Serenity bruised Brian's ego to almost unrecognizable levels when after a dance with him, she mentally suggested that he found Saddettin and her making out like there was no tomorrow. I had to admit it was a little fun to watch the cocky guy’s jumbo size self-esteem burn to ashes.

After a lot of mingling, Blake came to sit with us for a while. People had been yanking at him from left to right. I began to realize how little I was part of his outside world. I couldn't ignore the sting in my heart, just thinking that no one actually knew him. They didn’t know how kind and extraordinary that he really was. It was clear to me that these kids wanted to know him for many other reasons than his loving heart. Camped out with this crowd, I could really see how lonely he had to have been. His smiles weren't the same here as they were at home with us. Here, they were guarded, measured, calculated and delivered at appropriate times. At home, he smiled whenever anyone spoke to him and his eyes were always shining.

Darkness was falling and the people began thinning out. My mind was bursting with voices. It was almost feed Elvirina time. Blake finished off the rest of his water gazing at me with gentle and understanding eyes. He was so good at reading me.

“Caleb... can I talk to you?” I recognized Beth's girly voice as she requested his attention. Her eyes fixed on me for a split second, but then she turned away abruptly.

“Er, sure.” He followed Beth to the large windows, where they could be seen, but not heard. Her light brown eyes focused on Blake like she wanted something. He shook his head a few times.

“Are you feeling okay, honey?” Joshwin’s hand on my shoulder captured my attention from my eavesdropping. He had just returned from the bathroom. I gazed up at him. He seemed fairly untroubled today.

“I’m okay.”

He raised his brows at me.

“Okay, a little tired and hungry, but I’ll be fine.” I turned my to attention to Beth and Blake again.

“You want me to get you something to eat?” Joshwin asked.

I shook my head, unable to tear my gaze from them. I knew they were friends, but I also knew that he never told her the truth about us, even though she had to suspect something.

Beth shoved her hand in her pocket and took Blake’s wrist with her free hand. She held her closed fist above his open palm as she requested something again, more determined this time. Her face was tilted upward in honest conversation, not the false inviting smile that everyone else used around him. Blake sighed and nodded a few times. Beth then opened her fisted hand and something golden landed in Blake's palm. His mouth fell open, as he stared at the item with wide horrified eyes. His gaze shifted to just below my chin.

My hand flew up to my neck to lock my fingers around the cluster of jewelry, but my neck was surprisingly bare. I searched with my fingers through my hair, checking if it was tangled somewhere because it had happened before, but I found nothing. I instinctively knew what had landed on Blake's palm. It was my locket with our names and my wedding ring.

Beside me, Joshwin moved out of his slouch in the chair and was suddenly hyper alert. He stared at Blake while asking. “Where’s your necklace, love?” His tone was quite flat. He knew where it was as well as I did.

I watched Blake bend and give the short girl a peck on the cheek. I could read the word thanks on his lips. Blake looked at Beth for a long time, before he called us over with a simple head nod.

I smiled, but was intimidated by the girl. I knew that she was wicked smart. I also had a feeling that she wouldn't approve of me.

“Beth found this,” Blake said and transferred the necklace to my hand. The lock was still intact, but the chain had been torn. I guess it wasn't just a few strands of hair that I lost earlier when I was shoved into a wall.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, not knowing what else to say. My mind flooded with seething panic thinking that I might have lost this. My necklace was absolutely irreplaceable to me.

“In return, I promised Beth the truth,” Blake said quietly. He searched my eyes for approval then looked over my shoulder to Joshwin. Blake touched the broken chain for a brief second.

“You don’t need my permission, Blake,” Joshwin answered soberly. “Tell her whatever feels right to you.”

“Thanks,” Blake murmured shifting his eyes to me. This really was our holy union. No one would betray the trust that we shared between the three of us.

I deliberated while I found Beth’s soft light brown eyes. They were utterly confused. I couldn't access her mind, but her honest face would have to do. “You can tell her,” I said as I stepped back to give them privacy.

“Stay, Elvia,” Blake demanded, while turning his attention back to curly haired girl. Joshwin left us alone while he went back to his seat. Blake seemed to choose his words. “I er... I actually don't live here anymore.” Blake looked up at the house, seeming lost in thought for a moment. “I live with Elvirina's family. They are my family now.” He paused. Beth closed the silence.

“But I thought... I mean, what? Throw me another bone here. You live with her?” Blake nodded. “Wait, I've seen her with Josh. He was just here. What is going on?” She stared at me with an open mouth. “Is that just for show?”

“Joshwin.” Blake corrected her automatically. He knew Joshwin hated the watered down, shortened version of his name. “Er no...” Blake laughed nervously. “I’m not really sure how the hell to explain this, but Elvia and Joshwin are real enough, but so is my relationship with her.”

“What?” Beth’s voice pitched. “No, that can’t be. Well, Nikki said that she thought you were fooling around behind his back, but I just took her for a chatterbox.” Beth kept her voice down. “Caleb... you can’t be serious.” Her gazed crossed mine for less than a second, before she refused to look at me at all. “Do you have any idea what you are getting yourself into? Having an affair is degrading and hurtful. Have you thought about the consequences?” Her pretty face drew into a disapproving grimace. I could only admire her morals.

Blake laughed gently. “Beth, before you really get your panties in a twist, just stop. Joshwin is very much aware of what I am doing. What we are doing. How much do you know about Thumánn culture?”

“Not those rumors again. Jeez the stories people cook up,” Beth chided.

“They are not stories. Well, I guess some of them are, but not all are.”

“What are you saying, Caleb?” Beth narrowed her eyes.

“What I am saying is that women are kind of… sort of allowed more than one partner. Well, it is expected really. So in all honesty, Elvia is with Joshwin, but she is also with me.” He let that sit there for a moment, giving the poor girl a chance to get her bearings.

“Are you serious?” The shock was unmistakable on her face. “Both of you?” she gasped.

“Very and yes,” Blake answered simply.

Her eyes fled to my hand. “I opened that... I know what it says inside of the locket and your birthday is on the back, Caleb.” She paused and sighed, while rubbing her temples for a moment. Then she approached me directly for the first time. “Elvirina, what is that exactly?”

I opened my hand again, while watching the gold shimmer in the light of the setting sun. “A wedding ring and Blake’s version of a Thumánn marriage token.” I kept my answer short because there was no reason to rattle her cage. Learning this stuff was probably a jagged pill to swallow when you weren’t born into our culture.

“You're married?” She blurted. Her tone was so unrehearsed and stunned. “Caleb Blake, you are a man full of surprises.” It looked like she was about to burst into a fit of hysterical laughing at the absurdity of things.

“I know. Listen, Beth. You are the only one who knows about this and I expect it to stay that way,” Blake deadpanned.

“Of course, Caleb,” Not for a second did I doubt that we could trust her. There was a kindness in her that I seldom saw in girls at the school.

“Where did you find it?” Blake asked.

“Well... It wasn't exactly me who found it.” She chewed the inside of her cheek. “I saw Brian picking it up and then he put it in his pocket. I didn't know what it was at that point, but I knew that kind of jewelry wasn't his style and it didn't belong in his pocket.... so I tricked him out of it when he wouldn't give it to me.”

“Tricked how, Beth?” Blake asked, his tone was quite sharp, almost like an older brother busting a younger sister for sneaking beer out of the house.

“Ugh, the guy is such a moron.” She rolled her eyes. “I flirted with him a bit and…” She let the sentence drift off, but it wasn’t hard to put two and two together.

“You made out with him?” Blake literally barked at her.

“No! Don't insult me. I kissed him once and fished it from his pocket.” She made a wry face. Blake stared at her. “I do live on the wrong side of the tracks. Pickpocketing comes with the address.” I laughed at her as she babbled.

“So, you and Brian, huh?” Blake batted his lashes at her not too innocently.

”Fat chance in hell. Talk about lizard tongue... eww. By the way, there is no more soap in your bathroom downstairs.” Blake stared at her wide eyed. “It was a joke, Caleb. I didn’t wash my mouth out with soap… but perhaps I should have.” Beth drawled.

“Oh.”

“I just hope the idiot is drunk enough not to remember.” She frowned theatrically.

I was still chuckling from their banter. They were an odd pairing.

Blake smiled a huge face splitting grin. “I can take care of that for you.” His eyes were gleaming with unspoken humor. Serenity's affinity came in handy sometimes. “So now you know,” Blake said softly awaiting her judgment.

“Yeah, I can't believe that you didn't tell me,” she whined. “Do you have any other skeletons in the closet that I need to know about?” She threw a slap at his stomach. I was surprised that she took the news so easily. In the beginning, she seemed kind of territorial.

“I can't believe that you didn’t find out sooner.” Blake mocked. “You are supposed to be sooo smart.”

“Touché.” She grinned and took a small sip of her fizzy drink.

“Now that you do know, I have a few people that you should meet.”

She gulped. “They are so intimidating... and tall,” she whispered like I couldn't hear her. Though, I had a hard time thinking that she would find anybody intimidating. She had guts and tenacity. I could see why Blake was friends with her. Really good friends, it seemed.

“Hey, I’m tall.” Blake bantered, while pretending to be offended. It was funny that he needed to point that out because he towered over Beth, so did I.

“Yeah, well. I know you suffer from ODD, so you're excused. You’re not at all intimidating, not by a long shot.”

“ODD?” Blake's brows furrowed in confusion.

“Yeah, Obsessive Delusional Disorder.”

“Shut the fuck up, but you’re right. Though, the only one who scares me is Serenity.” He inclined his head. “Come with me, short one.” He ruffled her hair and slung an arm over her shoulder, while leading the way to the others who were still gathered in the same spot. Quickly, Blake took a sweep of the remaining guests and found no one close or within hearing range.

“Beth, here are the cliff notes, so pay attention. You know Joshwin, who in Thumánn terminology is Elvia’s soul mate and my brother by my marriage to Elvirina. Chrystan, who I am not sure if you know, is Joshwin’s older brother by birth. You know Serenity and that handsome guy who she is grinding her ass all over is her soul mate, Saddettin. Everyone, this is Beth.” Blake finished nonchalantly and sat down.

Beth meekly raised her hand and gave a small ‘hi’.

Beth hung out with us for the duration of the evening. I was more than surprised when she pulled up a chair and had a go with any kind of question that she could think up. The only thing that she wasn't told about was the pregnancy. Serenity discreetly took care of the Brian incident without her even noticing anything.

I escaped to the kitchen attempting to find something that I dared putting into my mouth. I found a few pieces of dry bread that would have to do. It was better than the outlook of an extra trip to the bathroom. After I got food in my stomach, the next problem surfaced - fatigue.

Looking around, I realized the house was a mess. Plastic cups, beer and soda cans and potato chips smashed into the floors. It looked like a pigsty.

Outside again on the terrace, I slumped onto Joshwin's lap. I was dead on my feet. “You want go home?” Joshwin asked, while fully tapped into my feelings.

“We should help clean up.” Looking around that would postpone the trip home considerably. With no guests left, it was impressive that they had been capable of making a mess this big.

“We should, but you should sleep.” His hand cupped my cheek. Feeling tired, I leaned into him, closing my eyes.

“Guys, I still have a bed here.” Blake interrupted. “You can take that, Elvia.”

“That sounds so good.” I sighed. Having an opportunity to sleep so close was too tempting to resist.

Joshwin pushed me from his lap. “I'll tuck you in,” he whispered. Moving with heavy feet, I dragged my exhausted body upright.

“It was really nice to finally meet you, Beth,” I said.

“Same to you,” she answered quietly. She was the only person left, besides my family.

“Night, Blake.”

“Sleep tight, Sweetheart. I love you.”

“Love you too.” I received a few short, but warm kisses, before I trotted off to his room in search of the sleep that I knew would come instantly. Joshwin followed me.

“Oh. My. Freaking. God.” Beth gasped behind me.

Blake chuckled. “I know. Welcome to the world of weird and freaky. It takes some getting used to, but it’s all good, Beth.”

I dumped the dress on the floor and climbed in the massive bed. Joshwin pulled the sheets over me. “You want me to stay until you fall asleep?” Joshwin asked. His voice was tender and hushed. He knew my head was buzzing with the aftermath of masses of voices. I hadn't expected it would be so busy in my head with all the kids drinking.

“Yes, please. I promise it won’t take long.” I yawned as Joshwin lay down beside me. I eased my fingers under his shirt hoping that he would let me. I wanted the rhythm of his heartbeat to calm my frayed nerves and tired body. The last thing that I felt was a tender hand stroking my stomach.

The sun was fierce through the large windows when I woke from a dreamless sleep. I knew instantly that I had been out for hours. I stretched and waited to the nausea to begin. It would be the third good day in a row if it didn't come back.

“Morning,” A husky voice croaked.

“Morning.” I peeked up at him. “I thought... where's Joshwin?”

“He went home with the others.”

“They forgot me?”

Blake laughed. “No. They chose to leave you behind. Joshwin didn't want to wake you. In return, I promised that you’d call him when you woke up.” Blake fished his phone out from his pocket of the pants that he wore yesterday. I punched in Joshwin's number and waited. The conversation was short. He refused my insistence that I came home now, as he was leaving to go hunting with Chrystan and the team of fathers. I wasn't sure whether it was true or fabricated. At the end of the call, I shut off the phone and snuggled into the sheets again.

“Food?” Blake asked.

“Soon.” I propped myself up on my elbow. Yesterday’s revelations were fresh in my mind. “Is Beth okay?”

“She's almost fine. I'm going to call her later to make sure, but she's tough.”

“I didn't know that she was that good of a friend.”

“Yeah... she's a good person. Besides the people at home and you, she is the only one who actually knows me.”

“I could see that. I’m glad that you have such a good friend in her. I’m happy that she knows about us.”

“Sure, but enough about her... do you realize that this is actually the first time that we have been alone? I mean really, really alone.” Blake's eyes smoldered as he drew a finger down my arm.

“Oh wow. We are never alone, are we?” Thinking back through the past few months, we were always at home with people around us.

“No... and I plan on taking full advantage of that.” He mused.

“Whatever do you mean?” I purred, having a strong feeling where all of this was headed. I pushed him down on the mattress and straddled him.

“You have such a dirty mind, baby. Do you ever think about anything other than sex? However, I was referring to a day where we stay here, just us. I am kidnapping you and keeping you all to myself. I thought that we could make some dinner later and watch a movie or something.” He hooked his arms around my waist pulling me down to him.

“Is that why you didn't drink last night?” The only thing that he had been consuming was water and soda. I leaned down letting the kiss build and heat up.

“Yes,” Blake mouthed. He parted his lips, while letting me taste him. His mouth was all fresh and minty. He had definitely brushed his teeth. I didn't care that I might be sporting a foul morning breath. Desire was building deep in my belly and I was ready to put up the black walls and close us in complete privacy. “I didn't want to spend today hung-over,” Blake said into my mouth and started to push me back from my brace over him. “You should have some breakfast and we’ll save this for later.”

“Sure. Sounds good,” I answered softly, but my body was already disappointed and recoiled to a corner to pout at the rejection. I really needed a new hobby. Determined to show him how much I wanted him right now, I leaned down again and began tracing my hands up his warm chest. Food would have to wait.

“Seriously, we need to get some food in your system. Otherwise, I know exactly where this day is headed.” He widened his eyes giving me a knowing look and then peeled me off his body while I groaned in defeat. My hormones stirred and I felt irritated. “I'm not spending the morning holding your hair again.” I cringed and chucked those days away. There were many and they were fresh. Blake was a pro a holding my hair when I was crouched over a toilet puking my guts out.

“Yeah, you’re right,” I murmured.

I followed behind Blake downstairs where I was surprised to see the place was spotless again, not a speck of the mess from last night was visible. “Who cleaned?”

“Santa's little helpers... nah, Joshwin and the rest stayed and helped me out. Brian was kind enough to plan the party, but stupid enough to pass out in the garage.”

“He's here?”

“No. I kicked him out an hour ago.” Blake pulled the fridge open and fished out a few remedies, butter and OJ. No one was ever here, so I was surprised to find there was even that amount of food in the fridge. Besides, that hadn't been there last night. “I was prepared for you staying here, just in case.” I could see it in his eyes.

“You hoped that I would stay.”

“Yes. I wanted us to have a day to ourselves.” He smiled apologetically, while getting bread out of a drawer.

“You set this up with Joshwin?”

“Not exactly. I just hoped that he would get the hint. He's usually a very perceptive guy. Besides, I am not allowed to scheme and plot anymore, remember?” Blake winked at me.

“So, his decision to go hunting wasn't a coincidence?”

“Probably not.”

“I figured... so how long do we have?”

“Until tomorrow morning, I suspect. I have to be at the school at seven in the morning. That leaves me just enough time to drop you off at home.” The prospect of being really alone with Blake was deeply enticing. Not that I minded one bit how our life was shaped, but I wanted it for him.

I finished breakfast sitting on the countertop with Blake watching me and stealing a few bites. We each had a shower before heading out for a walk. I shrugged into the same tank top as yesterday and pulled the dress over it again.

“You really don't need that.” Blake traced the edge of the top with two fingers.

“My scar will show.” I stared at him confused.

“So what? It is how you look and who you are. There is absolutely no need to hide. Besides, it is really hot outside.” He pulled the dress over my head and then the tank top followed. After I tugged back into the summer dress, I saw a few tips of the handprint above the neckline. I swallowed and studiously ignored seeing it when I brushed my hair and put it into a messy bundle on my head.

“So where are we going?” My hand was locked in Blake's, as we walked along the river that wasn’t far from his house. Even though I had lived here my entire life, I had never seen much of the city.

“You'll see. We need to get a few things for dinner.”

“What are we cooking?”

“Pizza. It was all that I could come up with my limited cooking skills.” His bashful smile was stunning. It was a liberating and completely new feeling to be anywhere public with Blake. We only spend time together at our house. We didn't really go anywhere and seldom together. Our life was based at the homestead.

“There are also a few things that I need to talk to you about.” He pushed his shades into his hair, as his eyes soared down at me with a rare solemn expression.

“Sounds serious.” I muttered out loud, while reading his eyes.

“It is.”

“Problems?” I asked.

“No, but I have a few things on my mind that I need answers for.” Blake’s gaze was still grave.

“Okay.” I shuddered slightly on the inside. Blake was never serious like this. A chill, that would normally be impossible on a day with temperatures climbing this fast, slithered through me.

“I don't know if I am allowed to ask this, but it is bothering the hell out of me.”

“What is?” I defied the sun and looked up at his face, while letting the piercing rays heat my face.

“Joshwin. I told myself some time ago that it wasn't my problem, but as things have progressed, it keeps popping up in my head and gnawing at my mind. All I really want is to protect him and spare him some pain.”

“You care for him. Don't you?” The sun burned my eyes, but I had to see his face.

“Yeah, more than I ever thought possible. When I decided to marry you, I thought that he was someone that I had to put up with and someone who would just be there. I didn't realize how deeply I would connect with everyone. I never did before, so I didn't know that I could. It’s just that now I can't ignore it anymore.” He drew a slow breath, looking straight at me.

“Ignore what?”

“Your bond. This is the part where I am pretty sure that I am not allowed to ask questions.” A tense smile shaped his lips and his hand locked harder around my fingers.

“You could try asking and I can decide if I will answer.”

“Okay. How can he survive sensing when you and I have sex? I mean that it has to be almost the same as your nausea. He feels that too and it makes him react.” A tormented look bled from his eyes and his lower lip twitched nervously. He was honestly worried.

Blake was right. These types of questions were technically not allowed. It was none of his concern. I wasn't entirely sure that I wanted this conversation. Had Blake grown up the same way Joshwin and I had, this talk probably wouldn’t be necessary, but Blake was still new to our lifestyle. In all honesty, it was only fair that he had his concerns.

“I'm just concerned, that's all. I'm not sure that I could take it if the situation was reversed.” The sympathy was thick in the lines of his forehead. Blake knew how the bond worked and Joshwin's was stronger than our fake/not fake bond from when he saved my life.

I decided to be honest. “He doesn't take it. I block him out, Blake.”

A rough sigh of relief cursed between us. “I was kind of hoping for that... I thought that you weren't allowed to do that anymore.”

“I'm not, but I made a deal with Joshwin that I would block him when it happens.”

“When did you agree to do that?” Blake asked carefully.

“The day after we got married. He asked me if I could block him every time that we make love. He thinks that he's a coward because he can't bear it, like he’s supposed to.”

Blake smiled carefully and with appreciation. “He's not coward. Not at all. He's smart enough to not let me destroy him. He's just protecting himself. Every living creature has that instinct.”

“I’m happy that you see it that way and of course he knows when it happens, but he doesn't feel a thing,” I promised.

“I'm glad... for me and for him.” He paused for a long time. “Can I ask another question that I'm not supposed to?”

“Er... sure.” I swallowed back hard, while closing my eyes a brief second. This wasn’t exactly comfortable talking about.

“How are things with you and him?”

“The same.” I kept my answer short. There was no need to elaborate. “But you know that, don't you? Dreams?”

“Lonely dreams. I see the loneliness, Elvia.” So even Blake knew the extent of my deprivation with it came to Joshwin. I never imagined anyone knowing me as well as Joshwin did, but Blake was very close to that point.

“Yeah... not much that I can do about it.” I sighed. “We can’t change the past.”

“I’m not sure that I want to change the past because that means that I wouldn’t be with you. I’m that selfish because I don’t want to live without you. In retrospect though, I wish that I hadn’t torn his heart out the way that I did. I wish there would have been a different way to where we are now.”

I sighed feeling the sadness wash over me. “I don’t think there was another way, definitely not one that we would have seen.”

“I know,” Blake said quietly. “I just wish that he wasn’t hurting because of us.”

“Me too.” I squeezed his hand. Blake reciprocated.

“There is something else that I wanted to talk to you about.” Blake interrupted my internal battle. Houses were becoming smaller and closer together, as we got near the dense part of the city.

“Yeah,” I answered with a busy mind, but it felt really good to air this out like dirty laundry. The more it was exposed to the open, the less it cluttered my mind.

“About our baby, Joshwin is just gunning ahead the traditional way, but to be honest that is not good enough for me. This is my son or daughter by blood and genes. I want just as much say in its life as Joshwin.”

“I never thought about it any other way.” I glanced up again. Puzzled. I hadn't considered how differently Blake's and Joshwin's perspectives on claiming this child would be. Naturally, each of them would consider it their child - Joshwin through culture and Blake through blood.

“You might not, but I am pretty sure that Joshwin has. I have a feeling that he expects it to be like it was with his fathers and yours, but I was brought up the human way, as you know. I am the biological father and I want to have parental rights the human way. I can't settle for anything less. It is not that he shouldn't have a say in the child’s life.”

“I see your problem. Basically, you both want the same thing.”

“Yeah... to be a father.” Blake chuckled.

I stopped while I pondered. Blake always had a reason to do things. Motives. “Why are you telling me this now? When we are alone… are you trying to get a head start, so to speak?” I knew my words were harsh, but I had to know the truth. Blake froze and let go of my hand.

“Okay. Now, I chose not to get pissed off because I don't want to ruin today, but Elvia, that is not fair at all. I am not trying to throw Joshwin under the fucking bus.” Blake's voice was frosty and firm.

“I'm sorry, but it would ultimately be my decision. You know that.” I was the head of the family. Joshwin would follow my lead no matter what. Blake probably wouldn't or would he?

“I do know that,” Blake answered.

“Are you telling me that you're not trying to play the game the best way to get what you want?” I shielded my eyes with my hand to avoid the fierce sun when looking up at his face.

“Of course I am, but not for my own benefit. It is for the benefit of my family. Don't accuse me of playing dirty.” His voice was close to anger. It was simmering just under the surface.

“I'm so sorry. Please forgive me.” I reached for his hand to soothe the brewing argument. He took it reluctantly. I twined our fingers together kissing the back of his palm. “I’m sorry, Blake.”

“I forgive you. Can you talk to him?” He implored.

“Yeah, I can talk to him.” I paused. “Blake, did you think that you can’t talk to Joshwin about this?” I frowned, while feeling somewhat confused. We should all be able to talk to each other, even about the difficult and uncomfortable stuff.

“I think it will be better coming from you and not me. He’s kind of high strung these days and this is quite a delicate subject, so I thought that you might do it while I'm away. It’ll give him a few days to think things over.”

I raised my brows. So, I wasn’t the only one who saw his obvious irritation that had a tendency to rear its head. “He is a bit moody, but Blake, you don’t need me to be the middle man.”

“I know. I was just trying to be tactful about the subject and give him some space.”

I laughed, clearly seeing the punch line now. “So you did have a plan.”

“Don't I always?” He smirked. I knew that he had motives, though it was only to protect us all. I was so blind and a bit miffed at myself for actually thinking that way.

“I will talk to him. In my opinion, I think you’re right to ask about both your roles as fathers,” I said quietly.

We started walking again. I recognized the streets and this part of town. I didn't realize that Blake's house was so close to the market. “Now, I have a demand for you. I have accepted that you didn't tell your parents about us, but I think it is time.”

“You know what? I was thinking that same thing, but I want to do it face to face and they will only be home when I am gone and then they leave for two months again. Will you allow me to wait till after the summer?” Blake asked softly.

“Are you actually asking my permission?” I raised a brow gleefully.

“I guess.” He chuckled.

“Choose the rules that you play by?” I droned sarcastic and narrowed my eyes at him.

“No... I pick the rules that I play by.”

“Don't we all, but I approve of your rules.” I bit my lip as a few more questions had begun to resurface in my head along with being pregnant. We were from such different cultures. “I think that they should know... My people, I mean, where my parents come from. They should know that I married you. They should also know about this baby.”

“Why Elvia? Your people? You mean the people that basically kicked your parents out of that place. What about Joshwin and you? They wanted to tear you apart.” His lip twitched.

“No, Blake. My parents chose to leave and my people should know because it is the center of my culture and my origin. As for Joshwin and I, they can't do anything to hurt us now because we have our commitment. Besides, they were wrong,” I explained.

Blake sighed. “You're sure? I don't want our kid to be turned into a lab rat because he or she is special.”

“None of us would ever allow that. I know that you sometimes wonder where you came from.”

“Now, you are simply pushing my buttons, but yeah, I do.”

“Blake, we will figure all of this out, but Joshwin should participate in this conversation.” It seemed unfair to decide anything without Joshwin's presence. Would we actually have to pick a culture between us? Blake’s or Joshwin's and mine? We should all be there for that type of conversation.

“Yeah, you’re right that Joshwin should be here for this,” Blake agreed soberly.

As we arrived at the market square, we stopped at a small, but very fancy jewelry store. I was scared of even touching the floors with my shoes. I might leave marks on the polished surface. Blake handed my necklace over for repair, while requesting whether it was possible that we could pick it up in an hour. Looking at the pieces in the display cases, it was easy to see where my locket came from because they all had the same ethereal look. I avoided any kind of price tags, fearing a heart attack or a seriously guilty conscience.

I was surprised to see that we were actually going to the market where my family worked. We stopped at our shop, where I was struck once again to see Saddettin's almost short hair. We picked up everything organic that we needed to make pizzas from scratch, and then headed back to the jewelry store again. A huge smile was plastered on Blake’s face as he put our marriage token around my neck where it belonged.

I was close to being overwhelmed at how good it felt to hold Blake's hand in public and smile at him the way that I always wanted to. I hadn't realized how much I missed it until now.

I found a random book to read and fell asleep outside in the shade in a way too comfortable deck chair after lunch.

“Want to shoot some hoops?” Blake encouraged, while spinning the ball swiftly on his index finger when I woke up.

“I don't know how,” I shamefully admitted. I don't think that I ever even held a basketball. It was another thing that was a big part of his life that I didn’t know anything about it. I had never even seen him play. Staying at his place one day had clearly proved how out of balance our marriage had been. Everything had been on my terms and done my way.

“I'll show you.” He yanked me up from my comfortable lounging position.

Being rich had its perks. Blake had a private, though not full scale, court at the end of his yard. I quickly discovered that I was about as talented on a basketball court as Blake was in the kitchen. His movements were swift and precise. He could put the ball through the hoop from what seemed like an impossible distance. I wasn't sure if he took his shirt off to distract me or if he really was hot. Out here, he was making me look disabled compared to him. His smiles were brilliant and his laughs were loud. He truly enjoyed seeing me fumble around trying to catch the ball. He tried to teach me the basics, but quickly gave up. I was a lost cause.

I listened to the water splashing into the massive tub as the soap left a soft pleasing smell of roses and made fluffy white clouds on the water. The pizzas had been made and eaten when Blake had offered a swim in his parents’ massive tub. It was too good to pass up.

Blake placed a cup of tea on the lip of the tub. “Climb in,” he said. I pulled off my clothes and submerged my body into the hot water. It was magic like soft hands massaging tender muscles after a hard day’s work. Blake folded a towel for me to rest my head on. “Will you be okay here for a little while? I have a few things to do.”

“Like what?” I asked softly.

“My parents are coming home, so Rosita has to work. I’m also going to check to make sure that Beth didn't jump in front of a bus. That sort of thing.”

“I'll be fine... soaking.” I knew Blake had some sort of backwards arrangement with the housekeeper. He paid her not to work.

“You do that.” Blake left me alone with the rosy smell and a kiss. I picked up the book that I borrowed this afternoon and took a sip of the tea. I settled my head on the fluffy towel and started reading.

“Mind if I join you?” Blake asked softly. I turned my head finding his voice. He was already out of his clothes. I hadn't even heard his steps. He straddled a long leg into the tub and slipped in. There was something different about his face. It was dreamy and untouchable. He didn't say anything. Instead, he just kept smiling as he started to draw his hands up my thighs. I felt a flutter deep in my stomach. His touch was as lithe as the soapy froth floating on the water. He drew me further into the tub and tilted his head to where it met my thigh just above the surface of the water. He was kissing his way intimately up my body. Strangely, I wasn't panicking, as I would expect, since I knew what he was on a quest to do. I just followed his exploring mouth as he spread my legs wider until it met my privates. Having his mouth on me so intimately sizzled,, making my skin prickle with want at this unexpected touch. I watched as his face vanished between my legs and he started kissing that tender spot.

A large amount of water splashed rudely on my face. My legs gave out a stunned jab and I gasped loudly. I fumbled upright in the tub, while paddling through the water trying to regain my balance and avoiding getting my head stuck underwater. Frantically, I searched around for Blake in the bathroom, but it was silent as the night. I looked down to see the book sailing further into the soap and water when I realized I'd fallen asleep. I followed my heated gasping breath, which was proof of what I'd been dreaming. I flushed deeply thinking what Blake had done in my dream. It burned seductively in my stomach and my heart pounded like a jackhammer. Feebly, I tried to save the soaked pages, but the book had suffered too much damage. I dumped the drenched thing on the floor.

The best method to stop this dream from going astray again was to get out of the bath. I didn't bother drying off, but slipped my arms into a terry robe hanging lonely off the wall. While trying to soothe my erratic breath, I contemplated whether the dream was humiliating and stepping over personal boundaries or simply a raw turn on? How would it truly feel if he put his mouth down there? My face heated with the mere thought of it. We were intimate often, but we were still getting to know each other that way. There were so many aspects to explore and with both of us never having been with anyone else, we were taking our time. Getting to know someone’s body, needs, desires and moods didn't just happen overnight, no matter the level of attraction. It took time, careful consideration and respect. I knew people did it, but so far, it was unknown territory for us. More importantly, would Blake even want to put his mouth down there? I had no clue. He never mentioned it and I was a bit shy to come right out and ask.

Dripping water all over the floor, I ventured out to find my husband. He was in the kitchen on the phone, just as I expected. He looked over at me puzzled upon my entrance.

“Mom... I have to go.” He didn't wait for any kind of response. He just hung up. “Are you okay?”

My heart still slammed in my chest as I drew a careful breath. I was flustered just by looking at him, mainly his lips as he spoke, but I couldn't let it give me away. “Yeah, I'm fine.” I hoisted myself to the kitchen table, still dripping water. “Did you get everything done?” I asked to divert my brain.

“I did.” He silently studied my face and my eyes. Then he broke into a surprised stunning smile. “Oh wow! Elvia, did you just... er give yourself a treat?” He chose his words carefully as he smirked quite entertained by my expression. I frowned not comprehending, but then it sank in what he meant and my face heated violently. He thought that I'd touched and pleasured myself and in his parents’ bathroom of all places.

“No!” I refused, but I knew that my face betrayed me. The pulsating heat from minutes ago already had my blood stirred into a frenzy.

Blake grinned. “It's perfectly fine, if you did.” He drew a few fingers down my wet face. It hummed electrically against my warm skin.

“I didn't... just nothing.” I blushed all over again and an even angrier color painted my cheeks. I fought hard to breathe calmly. I hadn't realized that I was that obvious.

“Then what?” He begged, while amused by my discomfort. He followed my escaping gaze, when I lowered my eyes.

“I just... er...” I struggled for words and chewed hard at my thumbnail for a moment. “I fell asleep and had a dream... that's all.” I looked down, fidgeting with the black bracelet of my hair closed around his wrist.

“What kind of dream?” He asked softly. I dared a glance through my lashes. His face was brightly amused then he nodded. “Ah... that kind of dream.” I didn't answer. I couldn't even look at him. “Tell me what it was about,” he coaxed.

“No!” I refused harshly.

“Please.” He begged softly. His dimples were stealing my resistance and tampering with my already aroused hormones. He was so much better at wording what he wanted. I just blushed and clamped up.

“No.” I refused again. There was no way that I could tell him that. It was just too embarrassing.

Limb fingers toyed with the cord of the robe, slowly untying it. “I don't think that I have seen anything so tempting as you sitting here with your face all red, wet, that look in your eyes and with a naughty dream.”

“Is that so?” I mumbled inaudibly. I was still humiliated, but I couldn't stop my body from reacting when he pushed the robe open and slipped it off my shoulders. My legs drew apart a few inches, inviting him closer.

“Now, you're just provoking me.”

When I was left completely nude on his parents’ kitchen counter, he demanded my mouth with feverish hunger. Blake's hands were at my knees as he gently pushed up my thighs. His tongue plunged into my mouth, inflaming the smoldering embers from my dream. He carefully trailed his fingers between my legs and he hummed into my mouth. “You're soaked.” He voice was heated. I immediately caught the fact that he wasn't talking about the bathwater covering my body. He gently started rubbing the sensitive swelling, which electrified me. I moaned with pleasure and my head fell back. My mind fogged over. It felt so good. More than good. The need was suddenly uncontrollable.

“Blake,” I gasped, while feeling the need for him peak and tumble over the edge leaving this unbearable hole in my body. “Now.” I didn’t have many words and I couldn’t bring myself to say what I really wanted him to do to my body. “I can’t wait.” Our mouths ferociously crashed together as we kissed.

“Here?” His tone was hardly surprised like he was thinking the exact same thing. He was only holding back for me. He didn’t need to, not at all. I fumbled with the buttons in his pants, not getting them open fast enough. The longing for him was at a point where it hurt.

“Yes, now,” I practically whined. “Please, just take me.”

There wasn’t much sound when his pants hit the floor. With a firm grasp on my hips, he pulled me to the edge of the table where I sat spread wide for him as he claimed me. He wasn’t rough when I finally tasted the medicine that would end this incontrollable surge of desire. He was firm, his grasp strong, and his thrusting was just right to kill the ache that my body was battling. I fished my hands into his hair as I climaxed noisily with garbled noises leaving my chest. It was short and sweet and just an appetizer for what the night would hold.

“I'm sorry that you didn't get any sleep at all,” I said.

“I'll sleep on the bus.” The morning was cool and misty. Blake had stuffed me in one of his hoodies, and for the third day in a row, I had pulled on the summer dress I had borrowed from Serenity. “I shouldn't keep you up all night either. I need to take better care of you now.” He pushed his hand over the swelling on my belly.

“You take great care of me.” I smiled involuntarily thinking about the night. After my humiliating dream and Blake giving me exactly what I needed in his parents’ kitchen, he had taken me to bed. We stayed in each other’s arms until there was barely time for him to take a shower and pack the rest of his stuff. It was six in the morning and he was dropping me off at home.

“I'll miss you. I'll call you once a day,” he whispered into the column of my throat.

“Okay.” I snuggled into his neck. We hadn't been away from each other for more than a day, since the end of winter. I didn't want to depress myself thinking that he would be gone for five days this time. Secretly, I worried what it might do to him. I still remembered days where his face would grow dark with a deep need to be near me.

“Stop fussing Elvie... He'll be fine.” Joshwin's voice came from behind me on the porch.

“Morning, Joshwin.” Blake croaked from the base of my neck. “I'll see you in few days sweetheart... I love you so much.”

“I love you more.” I fought the tears and tried not to snort.

“Not possible,” he whispered.

I kissed him a few times, before I was able to let him go.

Joshwin handed Blake a paper bag with some level of amusement. Blake took it warily. “Dew made you a packed lunch.” Joshwin could barely keep his face straight. Blake gaped.

“What am I? Five?” He scratched the back of his head, looking a little touched in spite of the witty comebacks. “Tell him, thanks.” He shoved his hand in his pocket, holding out a set of keys. “Will you pick up my car from school? If you don’t need it, lend it to Beth. I know she could use it.”

“Beth, it is then,” Joshwin said softly.

“See you, Joshwin. Take care of her.” Blake called over his shoulder like I was now the five-year old.

“Will do.” Joshwin answered. I watched Blake pull out of the courtyard and then I followed Joshwin inside. Loyal as he was, there was my breakfast ready to be consumed. Day four without nausea... this was looking good.

“You should get some sleep,” Joshwin said from across the table. I nodded, thinking Joshwin knew that I had been too busy to close an eye, but he would never call me on it.

In my room, I was ordered to shower and then tucked into bed resting my head on Joshwin's lap, since he wanted to sit with me while I slept.

Chapter 44: A Glimpse of Honesty

2011-08-31T00:45:00.001-07:00

Elvirina

Blake took the box with needles from my nightstand and turned it over in his hands a few times. “You really should think about starting a business with this. I mean with your mad skills…” he let the sentence drift.

“Absolutely not.” I cut him off as I mumbled around the toothbrush stuck in my mouth. I glanced at the wishful look on Blake’s face. Oh, it is so obvious. “Do you want to try?”

“I'm not supposed to,” he answered meekly, while reluctantly setting the box back on the table.

I went to the bathroom, spat and rinsed my mouth out. “Since when do you follow any rules?” I asked, when I was in my room again.

“I do follow rules when it comes to yours,” he answered sincerely while he shrugged out of his shirt and dumped it on the floor. He pulled the window further down his soft eyes asking if it was okay. I nodded. Today was one of the few energizing days where there was no trace of the numbing nausea. Outside, it was getting warmer, but the nights were still cold, so I pulled on my PJs. I don't know why I really bothered because they never seemed to stay on for very long, when I was with Blake.

“What if I told you that I didn't want to follow the rules this time?” I crawled into the bed and sat down next to Blake.

“I'll say that I just followed the rule that you weren't following?” Blake drawled, clearly pleased. He threw me one of his infectious smiles that always broke my heart and I didn’t stand a chance in hell of resisting.

“So where do you want one?” I asked delighted at the prospect of doing more artwork today. I had already unleashed my obsession with Joshwin the entire afternoon.

“Not too obvious... somewhere where I can say 'Oh, I've had that for ages' when Kasardian sees it... but I don't want it on my ass, not that there's really any chance of him discovering it there.”

“Hopefully not,” I giggled. I mentally went over every inch of Blake's body when I felt warm fingers working though the buttons of my PJ shirt. An inquisitive hand moved over the small bump at my stomach, while tenderly stroking my belly. Next, his strong hands grasped my hips. He pulled me down on the bed, so that I was lying on my back. I knew his approaches very well. They were always welcome, but I wanted to make my mark on Blake, no matter if I was supposed to or not. I wanted to, so desperately. Though, I would have to do it, so it wouldn't over rule Joshwin.

Blake pushed through my thoughts. “You are a married woman and you still insist in sleeping in PJs. I have to say it’s a turn on having to peel them off.” He opened the last button pushing the fabric aside. He started kissing my neck, while nibbling gently at my skin.

“Shut up,” I whispered, while struggling not to succumb to his seductive hands at the same time that my mind kept wandering back to marking Blake as mine. I couldn't seem to push the idea from my mind. Even though Blake was trying his best to make my mind hazy with want, my mind stayed focused on the tattoo. “How about your inner upper arms?”

“Are you still thinking about the tattoos? Damn, I'm losing my touch,” he groaned theatrically as he leaned over me. “Yeah, that seems like a good idea,” He kept flicking his tongue to my skin kissing me.

“You're not losing your touch,” I raked my teeth over my lip, acknowledging the fluttering in my stomach. I definitely wanted him. “Trust me!”

“Yeah?” His smile was wicked, as he quickly dipped his hand down between my legs and began touching me. “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he said teasingly, while smoothing his thumb over his pointer finger that was clearly wet with the evidence from me. It all happened so fast, before I could react. Belatedly, I playfully shoved his hand away, but he just laughed.

Blake moved flat on his back, while laying his head in my lap as I sat up. His eyes were gleaming up at me. He placed his arm over his head, as he twisted it around me to my back. He ran his fingertips gingerly across my lower back slowly teasing the skin.

“Does it hurt?” He asked and moved a hand up the inside of my open shirt, while tracing the edge of my breast.

“A bit, but I'll be gentle,” I followed the change in my voice. It had gotten all soft and whirring. I wanted to roll my eyes at myself, but with Blake I simply couldn't help it. I pushed his hand away. “Now, focus.”

“I’ll focus alright,” he teased. I chose not to respond.

I unpacked the remedies, opened the small jar of ink and dipped the needle inside. I slid my thumb over the thin tender skin inside Blake’s arm. I kept my eyes on the needle, but I felt Blake's eyes on my face. I pressed the tip against the delicate skin and it easily broke the surface. Blake winced a little and I watched as the ink change the color of his skin. I moved the needle again and punched it through the fine pale skin again. The tingling intensified from Blake, as I started working faster. The humming shaped itself in a familiar and excruciatingly seductive fashion. The whole experience became just one of those strange erotic moments that Blake and I had. His eyes on my face, his smiles and the electricity running between us turned my insides to a boiling liquid of need. It was impossible to finish the tattoo when Blake's free hand kept provoking me with tender touches across my belly, a discrete grace across my breast and a thumb traced gently over my lip. Almost done, I gave up and gave in to the climax that Blake offered. I needed the relief and to have him kill the ache that was building.

I picked up the needle again and held Blake's arm firmly against my leg. “Don't provoke me this time.” I scolded and poked the needle into the skin, perhaps a little too hard.

“Okay,” Blake agreed and hissed. I finished filling the spaces, perfecting the lines and Blake kept perfectly still with a content smile on his lip. He was surprised when I tilted his other arm up and stared on that one too without asking if I was allowed.

Sleep came quickly as it always did these days. I rested my head against my pillow before Blake was done in the bathroom. I only noticed the bed getting warmer and his protective arms holding me close. I was asleep before then.

Dreaming was sweet and innocent before it changed to electrifying and sizzling. I opened my eyes to a sunny room and hands that once again pulled me closer this time with a specific intent. I called the black walls to my mind, closing Blake and I in and giving us our privacy.

“We’re going to be late again,” I mumbled against Blake's hungry lips.

“I don't care.” His words came out rough and hoarse. My underwear vanished and fog took over my mind as I was sucked into the intimacy that Blake provided. “I'll take care of Serenity.” He replied in a deep groan, when my fingers shimmied down the front of his boxers caressing the sensitive skin. We lost track of time again. I could never get enough of Blake and luckily, it seemed to be a two way street.

I trotted lightly downstairs and the first thing that I saw was a very impatient Serenity hammering her fingernails against the tabletop. “Would you two please wake up earlier, so the rest of us aren’t late? I’m so sick of this shit.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled. I hoped the blush from making love had vanished. I picked up one of the two the buttered rolls of bread that was left lonely on a plate and just waiting for me. I took a bite and started chewing slowly. Blake arranged for a bottle of juice that I could finish on the road. A pang of guilt seared through me while staring at the plate of food that Joshwin had left for me. Food was important to fight the nausea. Joshwin had made that for me, while I spent the time set aside for breakfast on other activities. I swallowed the bread along with my longing for him and a wish that he would be the one too busy to butter the bread.

Joshwin waited by the car with a glum smile knowing exactly why we were late again, but he never uttered a word. He only reminded me to remember to eat my food.

“Elvie, I have something to tell you.” I looked at Serenity's big brown eyes. She sat next to me in the back seat. I took a big gulp of the juice.

“What,” I mumbled around a lump of bread that I stuck in my mouth.

“I wanted to let you know that I've changed my mind.” She smiled softly and traced her hand across my stomach. “Saddettin and I are staying here until your baby comes... and a little after that.”

I looked down at her hand, not really getting the point. “I thought you wanted to go... you know?” I shrugged. Chrystan and Joshwin in the front seat didn't need to be pulled into the fact Serenity had planned on going husband hunting very soon.

However, Chrystan reacted anyway. “You're making me go alone?”

“You're a big boy. You'll manage... besides, Illian is already there.” Serenity said. I stared back and forth between them a few times so did Joshwin. Neither of us knew Chrystan was planning on leaving soon too. Joshwin looked sadly at his older brother.

“You're staying?” Relief I hadn't expected rushed through me. I was selfish again, but I wanted her to stay here with me for a little longer.

“Yeah, I want to be here for you. I can wait until the baby comes.”

I shoved the last piece of bread in my mouth and hugged her tightly. It meant the world to me that she would stick around for the circus of my life knowing she wanted to move forward and create her own family. I was a bit awed that she would put off her wants and dreams to support mine. She rested her hand against my stomach for the duration of the trip, while focusing her energy on sensing the life inside of me that I still didn't feel.

As school started, I slipped my wedding ring onto my necklace like I did everyday. The nausea didn't arrive again today and that was invigorating. While waiting for me, Blake had company. Nikki was beside him with a hopeful face and terrified eyes. She often hung around Serenity and Joshwin, but never really Blake. When we arrived, Beth strolled away and moved down the hall. I had never spoken with her officially, but I knew in the past that she had been a good friend to Blake when he had needed one. Now, they spoke every day.

Nikki was chatting aimlessly at Blake, who clearly didn't know where to look or what to say. Joshwin gracefully took care of Blake’s discomfort, while trying to cloak his amusement by asking Nikki some questions about homework. One again, she looked like she had inhaled her hairspray.

“I’ll see you later, honey.” Joshwin said just after the bell rang. He kissed my cheek swiftly.

“Yup.”

“Elvirina, can I talk to you?” Nikki stared up at me with big eyes as we walked into class.

“Sure,” I answered absentmindedly and finished the last of my OJ. I begged that today I wouldn’t need an extra trip to the bathroom.

“You're friends with Caleb, right?” Her eyes were unsure as she tugged a frizzy mass of hair behind her ear.

“Yes,” I answered carefully. Where was this going?

“Okay... so I was kind of hoping you could do me a favor?” I tried not to stare too much into her eyes. I knew from experience that her thoughts would flow right into her mind like skates on ice.

“If I can.”

“Can you get me an invite for the party?”

“What party?” I stared dumbly at her. Now, I felt like I had that date with the hairspray.

Her brows flowed together. “Caleb's party. At his house.” I still stared at her bluntly. Words flowed right into my mind. “Does she not know... she has to. She has to get me an invitation. Maybe they are not as close as I thought.” I shook my head and tuned her out.

“I don't know about any party.” I would know... wouldn't I? Mr. Brenner stomped past us, gesturing for us to find our seats by herding us around like cattle. Passing Blake, I stared uncomprehendingly at him.

“What?” He mouthed. I took my seat next to Serenity. I asked her too, but she didn't know anything either. The conversation would have to wait until after class.

The chance to ask Blake about the party completely surpassed me, when a person that I knew peripherally claimed his attention the second that the bell rang. I watched Blake's face turn guarded as the conversation began. I carefully moved closer pretending to wait for Serenity to finish her notes, but my main goal was to rudely eavesdrop. It was strange watching Blake talk to his old friend Brian. He was so different and a serious and brooding façade was plastered all over his face when he spoke. I could tell by the tension in his shoulders that he was annoyed.

“Did it ever occur to you that I might not want it... if I did, I might have done a little inviting myself.” Blake sighed and slammed his book shut.

“Come on, Caleb. We do it every year!” Brian complained loudly.

“Oh, fuck, “ Blake spat, clearly remembering something. His eyes fluttered to me as I was sneaking along the wall slowly.

“You forgot! Dude, how can you forget about the tournament? We leave on Sunday. Are you even ready? You've been skipping practice on a regular basis. What the fuck is going on with you?” Brian’s voice was hard and unforgiving.

“I'm sorry, Brian. I've been a little... preoccupied lately.” Blake sighed. I leaned casually against the wall, hoping that it wasn't too obvious what I was doing, but what they were saying matched questions that I had.

“Tell me about it. I’m lucky you even remember to say hi anymore. Do you even remember your other friend, Harrison? You never hang out with us anymore. What is up with that? What is going on with you?” Brian kept complaining.

“Nothing. Nothing, I er... I've had things on my mind, but I am fine. We're playing.”

“Damn right we are! So…about the party, I’m sorry that I planned it on your behalf, but it is expected of you to throw the rave of the year!” Brian smiled snidely, while probably congratulating himself as if he had done Blake one major favor.

“Thanks, you shouldn't have. Beth didn't tell me,” Blake answered glumly.

“Why are you still hanging around that chick? I thought she was last season’s flavor.”

“Shut up, Brian. She's a friend and she is nice.” Blake mumbled something like “unlike other people” under his breath, but I wasn't sure. Blake’s face was still guarded and closed off as he picked up his books.

“I'll still let you have the credit for the party,” Brian offered. I rolled my eyes. Seriously?

“No, thanks. You keep that, but since it apparently is my party, then I might ask a few... friends.”

“Now, we’re talking.” Brian clapped his hands loudly, guffawing.

Blake gave me a wicked smile. “Hey, Elvirina... You want to go?” He cocked a brow at me. I chuckled.

“Why do you hang around those freaks? So out of your reach, even for you, bro... and seriously?” Brian frowned and his voice was dripping with distain. His narrowed eyes landed on me. They were degrading, mocking and quite cruel as his gaze lingered. I couldn't resist retaliating knowing that I had the upper hand. It was childish, but I couldn’t help but lick my lips and unleash a lustful stare saved only for my husband and the privacy of our bedroom. I hinged a finger through my necklace.

“Sure…” I was about to say Blake. “...Caleb. I would love to.” I mused sweetly.

Brian’s face fell open with a pop. As he recovered, Brian turned his rude attention to Serenity, who was gracefully coming to my side. “Hey gorgeous... want to accompany me?” Brian threw that out like it would be the catch of the year to go with him. I hated the way his protruding eyes vulgarly disrobed her, while banking on her on being a sure thing. I was glad Saddettin didn't have to see that. A flood of images drowned my mind when I looked at his eyes. Ugh, he wanted her naked beneath him. Yikes!

Serenity didn't answer right away, but pursed her lips sensually. “Hmm, no,” she chimed arrogantly. She drew her mouth slightly open and placed an elegant finger between her teeth and sucked the tip of her finger seductively. Her brown eyes fluttered to Blake as she drew her moist finger over her bottom lip. “But I'll go if someone else asks me.” She purred the same way that I had, giving Blake eyes similar to what I had done. I blinked like a cow making sure that I was seeing right. She did not just do that? Through my astonishment, I recognized what she was doing. She was making Brian look like an utter fool.

“Whatever, ho,” Brian spat and shoved past Blake nursing a severely wounded ego. Blake was paralyzed, not breathing while staring at Serenity.

“Oh, come on, tingle boy. Get a grip.” Serenity's face returned to normal and Blake tried to unfreeze.

“Don't you ever do that to me... not ever.” Blake sighed and rubbed his eyes. Behind Blake, someone else seemed troubled, well, depending on how much he had seen. Joshwin's book was slowly sliding from his hand as he stared numbly at us.

“What the fuck was that?” He huffed the same time as his book hit the floor with a loud thud.

“Matching dog and doghouse.” The same arrogance vibe colored Serenity's tone. “That guy’s an ass and a half.”

“Oh shit, I thought I had to haul Blake’s ass out of another fire. I’m pretty sure that Saddettin is a beast underneath all that wisdom,” Joshwin said, while picking up his book.

Serenity huffed, like it was beneath her to love someone like Blake. “You have no idea.” She purred, while sliding out of the room.

“Now, I recognize your snotty attitude. Serenity and I have information that I seriously do not need,” Blake called after Serenity and tried to smile, but he was still too rattled.

I followed Serenity down the hall to our lockers. “I saw Brian's mind. It wasn’t pretty. He wanted you naked,” I said under my breath.

“Who do you think put those images there?” Her smile was calculating. “I wanted the rejection to sting a bit more.”

I was completely sidetracked by Serenity's little stunt and remembered something about a tournament? Though, Blake had already left for his next class. Beside me, Joshwin felt my unease, but he couldn't answer the question anymore than I could.

Leaving school for the day, Blake brought me up to speed with a few details that had slipped his mind. He would be gone for a tournament for five days, much to my dismay. While this coming Friday, Brian had planned a ‘small’ gathering at Blake's house on his behalf.

“I have practice all afternoon and tomorrow morning before class. My mom also called. She is home, so I'm going to stay at my parents’ tonight... okay?”

Internally, I groaned, but put a smile on my face for him. Blake shouldn't feel guilty because I was a needy hormonal wife. “Okay.”

“See you tomorrow.” Blake snuck in a quick chaste kiss when no one was watching.

At home, Saddettin was waiting for Serenity in the courtyard with a smile on his face. I left my shoes in the car and looked up at the perfect blue sky. I knew what I wanted to do this warm afternoon. It required two things - needles and Joshwin.

I lay dazed in the energizing sunlight. I had taken my shirt off, while feeling happy that it was finally warm enough. Joshwin and I had walked to the place that still only belonged to us, the plateau.

Holding a hand over my eyes, I gazed at Joshwin's bare back. His muscles weaved beautiful patterns underneath the skin and the dark painted hues that I had put there. Over the past six months, he had lost major parts of his boyish lanky frame and was a full-blooded man. He was more muscular, his shoulder seemed straighter and his arms were firm to the touch. He was gorgeous as ever. He kept pulling in his lip as he read, while being mindlessly absorbed in his book. I sauntered to my knees. I couldn't stop my hands when they suggestively moved to Joshwin's shoulders. I wasn’t sure if I should do this or not, but instinctively, I leaned in and kissed the crease of his neck. I had no desire to fight my urge for him and for the first time in months, I didn't. I let my mouth linger on his skin, the tip of my tongue grazed him and tasting the slight salty flavor of him. It didn't take long until I felt his muscles tense and a deep sigh that followed. Joshwin closed his book with a thud.

“Don't,” he whispered through his teeth. I didn't listen and moved my hands around to his chest and kissed him up the neck towards his jaw. If he would just relax a little bit… then I suddenly heard words that had to be impossible. “Go to him for that.”

Shocked. The air was knocked roughly from my chest. This was slap in the face. “What did you just say?” I blurted out appalled.

“You heard me,” Joshwin said quietly. He kept his face away from me. I wheeled around facing him enraged.

“You did not just say that,” I sneered.

“Yes I did. Stop harassing me.” Joshwin got up and dumped the book rudely on the blanket. I stepped in front of him, stopping him with my presence before he could escape.

“Harassing you? I am sorry if a simple touch from me is so offensive to you.” My voice pitched with fury.

“Just leave me alone, Elvie,” Joshwin sighed.

“No!” This was it. I was livid and we were having this out here and now. The distance between us was ridiculous and now Joshwin was asking me to go to Blake for what he clearly didn't want was beyond offensive. How could he be so mean and so insensitive? This was unlike him. Suddenly, it was there in my head like a lightning bolt flashing from the clear sky. It enlightened a dark truth and something that I never fully understood. “Joshwin, did you give me Blake because you think that you don't add up?” The tenor in my voice was less harsh now. It terrified me if he thought like that.

“Well, I don't,” he snapped hard without missing a beat. Joshwin was mad. I was surprisingly very right.

“So you let Blake in to cover your own ass?” I returned his hard tone instinctively, but stupidly.

“Not the words that I'd have used, but that sounds about right.” His face was closed off and locking me out. There was more, but other words were already escaping my lips.

“Here I thought it was because you forgave me.”

“You should have everything that makes you happy?” He softened.

“Then give it to me,” I answered just as softly, though I wasn’t sure I could keep making that demand anymore.

“You know that I can't.” Joshwin's eyes fell shut and he pinched the bridge over his nose, like someone had struck the tender bridge. He drew in a sharp breath. I tried to control my anger, frustration and surprise, which were all rolled up in a very confusing cocktail.

“No! I don't know, because you stopped trying. You've given up completely.” My tone was almost pleading.

“I haven't given up.”

“Oh, Joshwin. You have. Perhaps if we just tried kissing a little, you could relax around me and we could move forward. Maybe you would like it and then you would see that we don’t have to live with this distance between us.”

“I told you that I haven’t given up... trust me.” Joshwin's face softened and he tried to force a smile, but didn't succeed. I knew this was hard for him being on the sideline of Blake and me. I could understand how that had a price for him, but he was my soul mate and had every right to claim what was his.

“Well, let’s try then.” I was inches from begging and my head was already buzzing with ideas about us. “Anyway you want. We’ll take it very, very slow, so you don’t have to…” He cut me off.

“Not while you're pregnant.”

“Is that a problem for you?” I was ready to get insulted again. Was my body even more unattractive now?

His smile was unreadable. “Er... no, but I would prefer to wait until after the baby comes.” Joshwin stroked my hair in attempt to calm my climbing rage. It worked and I picked my battle. I ignored the 'perhaps' came with a considerable time span and latched on to what might be allowed in the future.

“So you will honestly try with me again?” A single set of butterfly wings flapped in my stomach. Hope.

“I promise.”

“That's all I can hope for.” I paused for a long time. Something was still lurking in the back of my mind. “Joshwin, is that the only reason that you accepted Blake?“ He didn't answer, but only stared at me. I could see it in his eyes. He was hiding something from me. “Joshwin, what is the honest reason that you let Blake into our family?”

“I don't want to answer that.” His face closed off again. Something inside him broke and he slumped back onto the blanket again.

“We don't have secrets from each other. I don't think that we should start now.” I got down on my knees because I needed him to level with me.

He chuckled humorlessly, edged and deliberate for the longest time. “The reason is you and what you did last year.” His eyes were burning and intense. ”It would happen between you two again. It was just a matter of time.”

My blood raced in my veins. “I wouldn't betray you like that.”

“Yes, you would! I know you don't think so, but I know you would. It was already happening.” He leaned back on his hand dismissively and cocked a knowing brow at me.

“But I wouldn't have let it.”

He turned his head to face me with a different honesty. “Elvie, I do not mean to be cruel, but you have about as much self-restraint as a full blown alcoholic when it comes to Blake. In time, you would have ended up in his bed again and what then... huh? I knew when it happened that you would blame yourself and where did that get us last time? You know the answer to this.” He paused and leaned forward again. His face displayed understanding, as he drew a finger down my face. “I couldn't let you lose your soul again. Would you have done the same thing all over again? Would you have tried to kill yourself... again? More importantly, would you have succeeded this time? I couldn't take that chance with you.” I stared dumbfounded at him. “So accepting Blake to keep you safe was my only option. We were already committed, so swallowing a little pride and breaking a few unwritten rules didn't seem so bad.” His voice grew gingerly as he spoke with such honesty for the first time.

He was right. He prevented me from breaking his heart again. I had failed to see that Blake would come between us again, but he didn’t because Joshwin dealt with the problem head on. He really protected me when I was hell bent on destroying my life. Crushing guilt made it hard to breathe. I would have betrayed him again. I would have hurt him again. He was man enough to stop me at the cost of his own happiness. How could I be so blind? Images started flowing before my eyes. I saw the kiss that Blake denied to reciprocate, when we were walking in the woods a long time ago. I also saw the result of the kiss if Blake had allowed it. It looked much the same way as when Joshwin had taken me home from Blake's house the first time that I had been there and ended up in his bed. Images were filled with pain, despair and tears. Then there was the time that followed which was filled with my begging and the questioning of my commitment. I know that I would have betrayed Joshwin before he decided to release his exclusivity to me. I would have faltered. Joshwin saw it, but I didn't.

“You bring self sacrifice to a whole new meaning,” I said softly. “When did you decide to let him in?”

“Around the same time that he started coming back here.”

“You knew that soon?”

“Yes... what does it matter now? He is good to have around. It's like having a personal jester.” Joshwin smirked. “Look, things turned out for the best.”

I was shaken down to my core. Acknowledgment rushed in with insane speed though my veins. I looked up at his perfect face and his perfect blue eyes. “I know you’re right. I would have done it all over again.”

“I know. Compared to what could have been and that I maneuvered you around, what would you choose now?” Joshwin smiled and moved to his knees, placing a hand on my belly. “Because we are doing good, all of us. He is doing well here. He is happy, you are happy and there is this baby.” His smile widened mentioning the last part. I looked for hatred something dark in his face and pain for what I would have done to him again. There were none of those emotions.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For loving me so much that only you could save me.”

“Don't mention it. It's what being a soul mate is all about.” He moved in and kissed me softly.

“You mentioned that we were doing good, but how are you doing?”

“I'm fine,” he drawled immediately.

“I mean seriously... how are you doing?” I couldn't remember the last time the conversation has actually revolved him and only him.

He slowly pulled in his lower lip, while evaluating his situation. “Better.” There was honesty in that one word that I knew that I didn't understand the full extent of. The blue in his eyes lingered with me. “Are we done fighting now and we can finish this?” He picked the needle box from the wooden floor.

I settled, straddled across his back and started working for the rest of the afternoon. I was almost done with his back now. A few hours later, the obvious signs of exhaustion from my relentless needle poking showed. Joshwin moaned slightly in pain. His face was drawn in lines proving his discomfort.

I had one more thing to settle prior to going home. I took a slow breath and entered the minefield that we seemed to be lurking about in, “I know it was wrong of me to come on to you like that. I’m sorry because I know how hard this… intimacy thing is to you, but I’m really happy that we had this talk. I just don’t like the way that you mentioned that I should go to Blake, like I run off like a spoiled child,” I said carefully, while trying not to haul him over the coals like my authority was begging to do. She could just go mind her own business. To verbally flog him just didn’t seem fair at all now that we were being honest for the first time in a while. However, hours later, those words still hurt.

His eyes found mine. They were darker and had changed, when he sat up. “I apologize, my love. It won't happen again,” he answered sincere and slightly formal. “It doesn’t make it any less true. However, I shouldn’t have said it like that.”

I bit down on the inside of my cheek, pondering. Did I run to Blake whenever Joshwin didn’t play by my rules? I wasn’t sure, but I hoped not. It wouldn’t be the first time that I didn’t use my head.

Chapter 43: Adjustment

2011-07-08T08:59:00.000-07:00

Elvirina

Joshwin and I fixed us some lunch while Blake took his tenth round of fresh air to calm his nerves.

“So, sex ed 101” Blake stated bravely, when we were placed at the large oak table with dry throats and sweaty palms. We were awaiting Mom’s advice.

“Yes, Blake,” Mom said softly. “How much do you know about pregnancies?”

“Just about as much as another eighteen year old guy. If you don't wear a condom, you risk getting the girl pregnant. Oh, and morning sickness and very strange eating habits also rings a bell, but that's about it.” Blake shrugged.

Across the table, an annoyed Joshwin groaned loudly.

“Okay. So you would know nothing about our kind of pregnancies?” Mom asked patiently.

“That sounds about right.” Blake sighed. His brave face faltered a bit.

“And Joshwin, you would know more, but you have never experienced it, especially not as a soul mate. The same goes for you, Elvie. It is a very powerful time for all if you.” Mom paused. When she spoke again, she was mainly talking to me. “The pregnancy will last a little less then twelve months. Fifty weeks to be exact. The first while you only feel the life run through you... just as Joshwin already does. It should come to you in a few days, I'm sure. The next thing is your energy will increase. You probably will need to sleep less and have the urge to be more active. Just remember to keep a solid connection to Earth, She will help your body channel the energy, otherwise the excess energy can be quite irritating and frustrating. Your eating will increase as well. Slowly with time, the baby will grow healthy and strong. Then there’s the delivery. A Thumánn birth isn't particularly painful. It is more a trancelike state that your body takes to deliver your child.”

“So pregnancy shouldn't really be a bad thing?” I asked, not knowing what the hell we had gotten into ourselves into.

“No, it is a very special and rewarding time, but you and Joshwin should both be prepared that some emotions can be overwhelming.” She shot a fleeting glance at Joshwin.

“Sibilla, can I ask one thing?” Blake raised his hand like a first grader. “Why isn't the birth painful? That is actually another thing that I do know. It's not supposed to be... pleasant.” Blake swallowed convulsively.

“I can't really be sure, but I think our genetic make-up generally ensures pregnancies aren't a risk for the woman, because we are so much fewer in numbers than men. If women died like human females in some parts of the world, our species would be extinct within a few generations. Instead of it being a trying time, it is a giving time.”

“That makes sense,” Blake mumbled bleakly.

“Mom, do you think this pregnancy could be dangerous? I mean Blake and I aren’t 'normally' genetically compatible.” I hadn't thought about it, but mixing chemicals of unknown nature could spike an explosion. No one knew what mixing Blake and I would mount out to be.

“I promise that I will work on that, but I don't sense any danger or anything to fear,” Mom answered solemnly.

“That's good.” Blake sagged with relief. The color of his face improved and he retained more of his normal wintry pallor.

“Is that what has been bothering you?” I asked astounded.

“I don't want you to get hurt.” Blake’s demeanor softened completely and put a hand over mine.

“I promise that I won’t.” I squeezed his palm in reassurance.

“Joshwin, you should have a talk with your Kasardian or perhaps your father. This isn't just challenging for Elvie. It will probably be for you as well.” Mom’s eyes locked solidly on Joshwin's inattentive face.

“Okay,” Joshwin answered indifferently. I knew my Joshwin could handle anything anyone ever threw at him. He would walk through this in his perfectly calm manor as he did everything else in life. He was so strong.

“So that is it for now?” Blake said.

“Do you have anything else on your mind, Blake?” Mom asked.

“Yeah... a few questions come to mind. Like when will this little bundle of joy supposedly see the light of day? That might have some importance.” He paused. “Doctor’s appointments?”

“Well, the doctor will be me. I am a healer as you know, so I will handle it and keep an eye on her.” Mom turned her attention to me. “When was your last period?”

“January,” I answered timidly.

“You haven't had it since?” she asked astonished.

“No,” I muttered, just above a whisper.

“Do you have any idea when...?” I knew what she was indicating, the time of conception. My face felt heated.

“No, not that either.”

“Don't worry about it, honey. We will take it one day at a time.” She tried to reassure me, but the question kept clawing at me - how far along was I?

Mom kept encouraging me to ask any kind of questions that I might have, but in all honesty, my mind was so numb that I couldn't find any. The idea of this pregnancy and the news really sinking in was turning out to be a bit difficult. Sure I was over the moon and happy, but it was also like oil and water. The two didn't mix on their own. The oil just settled on the surface of the water and didn't mix in.

A few days passed as the news settled in between us. We were all adjusting to this very quietly. I personally waited for the energy and life signs that Mom and Joshwin felt, but it never seemed to arrive. I wasn't energetic. I was the opposite. I zonked into unconsciousness even before Blake at night and I was out cold until one of them woke me in the morning. No dreams, no tossing and turning or mumbling in my sleep. Another thing that I did feel inside me was nauseous. This wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't like I was sick, just uncomfortable if I forgot to eat or if I got tired.

A few mornings later only proved how wrong my mother would be about my pregnancy. I woke feeling extremely tired and nauseous. The only other time in my life that I had experienced this was when Joshwin had found me at Blake's parents’ house after hormonally landing in Blake's bed and starting this whole life. My hunger was all wrapped in a nausea that protested when I ate. I turned in bed, knowing I was horribly sweaty. I kicked the sheets off. Feeling like my stomach being so unsettled I recognized this was what I had felt the previous days before we found out about the baby. This wasn't the anticipation of waiting for life and summer. It was human pregnancy hormones. I got out of bed pushed the window up for the fresh air. It was all in vain when I realized that it was raining and the air was sticky and damp. Joshwin gave an agonized groan in bed.

“What is it?” I asked.

Joshwin's eyes fluttered open. “I don't feel so good.” His face was just as clammy as mine. Perhaps, it wasn't the pregnancy at all, but why would Joshwin and I really get sick for the first time in our life now? I got him a glass of water from the bathroom. “Thanks,” he mumbled drowsily and chucked the water down. As he sat up, he looked a fraction better. “I'll take a shower,” he muttered not sounding better at all.

In the bathroom, I poured down several glasses of water, before it was my turn for a shower. I turned to knob to cold and let the water remove the clammy sweat from my body. It helped and Joshwin looked better too. Breakfast was another major help with fruits and more water. The nausea was gone as quickly as it appeared.

We were all struggling to get used to the surprise arrival of something which was rendered completely impossible. We hadn't told anyone outside of our house yet and not even my dads. Mom was the only one in the loop and she was keeping a close eye on me.

By evening, the nausea infested my body again. I couldn't seem to put the food in my mouth. Joshwin was also a little under the weather. Before crawling into the sheets, I pushed the window fully open and arranged an extra blanket on the bed. Perhaps, the fresh air would chase some of the queasiness away. Luckily, it worked for both Joshwin and I. The night passed with a calm stomach and no further worries as Joshwin was breathing untroubled next to me.

Waking up and not feeling refreshed or rested after a long night’s sleep was getting repetitive. However, I could see things more clearly now, because I was getting used to the idea that we were having a baby. I finally let myself get emotionally attached to whatever it was growing inside of me. We hadn't spoken much the past days, just doing every day things like attending school, keeping secrets and so on. It would soon be time to tell the rest of the family that we were expecting. We just wanted to keep this a secret until we all had surrendered to the new circumstances.

“Wake up, Elvie,” Joshwin whispered. I groaned, while turning and not wanting to get up at all. He pushed against my shoulder stopping the movement to recoil from the sound of his voice. “Look, Elvie.”

Reluctantly, I tilted my head up from the pillow to inspect what the fuss was about. Joshwin had pulled back the sheets and blanket, while his careful hand pushed my shirt up. Joshwin was beaming joyfully staring at my stomach. I followed his gaze to where I felt his hand at the lower part of my abdomen. A small, but defined bump perturbed from between my hipbones.

“When the hell did that happen?” I croaked dryly. Neither my voice nor eyes were ready for this so early. Joshwin carefully drew his palm over the bump, clearly appreciating what he saw. Again, his calm with any situation thrown at him stunned me. Somewhere deep inside me, I was thrilled to see the bump, but it also petrified me deeply. A fresh spring wind rushed through the open window, chilling me to the bone. Protectively, he drew me close to his body. He actually let me behind his normal physical barrier of touches. He folded the sheets and blankets over me, locking me to his body with a leg entangled in mine. Terrified, I let my hand find the new shape of my stomach, while feeling it with the tips of my fingers. I had to push my hand in between our stomachs to get access. A mass swallowed in my throat and teats threatened when Joshwin demanded that we stayed this close.

“Don't be scared... I love you both so much,” he whispered. He ended the embrace before it could erase the loneliness festering inside of me. An unwelcome hope to have him closer pounded in my chest. I ignored it again.

When Joshwin showered, I flipped my shirt off to see if the bump was still there. To my astonishment, there was a subtle concave grace of a curve. It wasn't much at all, but it definitely wasn't there three days ago. I was sure of that. Looking at it again, it seemed less scary.

Someone else needed to see this. I shrugged back into my shirt and a pair of sweats, I fled to the room next door. My happiness felt radiant, literally bouncing off my face. I closed Blake’s door behind me carefully. He was breathing deeply tilted onto his side. I lobbed onto the bed and straddled his waist, unsubtly demanding that he wake up. I peeled my shirt off again as he started opening his eyes. He stretched and groaned underneath me. “Morning,” he croaked. “Joshwin's going to be pissed that you're in here.”

A very defined tingle started traveling up my spine.

“No, he won't. Watch this.” I jerked a finger at my marginally swollen stomach. Blake's eyes flipped wide open.

“Oh, fucking hell. I really did knock you up.” He stared at my stomach then lifted his gaze to my face. It took a few moments until I felt Blake relaxed underneath me and the current from him changed from scared to warm.

Instantly, I was seduced by the humming that let me know where his mind had traveled. I bent down and kissed him. He wasn't opposed at all, but this would count as if I left one bed in favor of another, which was a crude lack of respect. Blake tilted me down on the mattress fully alert and hungry with his kiss and touch. His hand moving down my stomach tensed abnormally. I'd given into a little fondling and kissing, but we both knew that we needed to stop.

“We shouldn't,” we mumbled in unison. Joshwin would be angry if this went any further, but Blake could usually be persuaded, so why did he stop? I couldn't remember one single time he said no to a little morning action, no matter what rules existed. I put my lips on his again, but his response was aloof.

“What is it?” I asked puzzled.

“Nothing,” he refused instantly, but I could clearly see the distress in his morning creased eyes.

“Blake?”

“Please don't read my mind.” He averted his eyes from mine.

“I will if you don't tell me what's wrong?” His lips twitched as he resigned.

“I don't think we should have sex while you’re pregnant,” he said quietly, hiding his face in his pillow next to my face. He groaned and acted defeated.

“At all?” I blurted. Was I hearing this right or were hormones playing a trick on me?

“Yeah.” He lifted his head again. It was easy to tell that he was serious. There was no trace of humor in his beautiful eyes.

“Why would you suggest that?” I blurted horrified. I was hardly interested in going into celibacy for the next many months.

“I don't want to hurt you or...” He didn't finish.

I took his face firmly in my hands. “Blake, have you ever hurt me?” I asked softly.

“Yes,” he mumbled and caressed the skin above my heart. He bent to kiss the handprint on my chest. It tingled. I didn't need him to ostracize me as well.

“Who are you kidding? There is no way that you can keep your hands off me for that long.” I teased sweetly. The attempt fell to the ground hard as Blake's lips narrowed to a harsh line.

“Watch me,” he snarled coldly. He untangled his limbs from mine and roughly left the bed. He rarely got mad, but this was one of those rare moments judging by his squared shoulders and his biting glare.

“I'm sorry.” I tried to smooth things over. I got to my knees on the bed.

“Just don't belittle how I feel, Elvirina.” Oh no. He never called me Elvirina and when he did I was usually being scolded. He fumed some more before he spoke. “I am scared shitless and I do not have fucking clue what I am supposed to feel or think.” He paused dramatically. “We can't all be as calm as Joshwin. I am... I'm scared.” His voice traveled low and disturbingly honest. His eyes locked on my face and he looked petrified. How did I even dare to joke about his feelings? This was the first time that he really told me how he felt about the pregnancy.

I got to my feet on the bed, raising my head above his. I touched his shoulders, pulling him into an embrace for comfort. His head rested against my chest. “I promise that I won’t get hurt and making love won’t hurt me one bit.” I whispered. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he lifted me from the bed, while snuggling me deeper into his arms. “I love you and I will be fine,” I mumbled into his bare neck.

“I wish that I could be sure.” He softened as his anger dissolved. “But I still don't think that we should.”

We didn't reach an agreement, but I knew that I wouldn't accept deprivation, not from him. He changed the subject. “Are you feeling better?”

“I feel perfect today.” I mused so glad that the nausea was gone. For good, I hoped.

Breakfast looked delicious. I basically threw down the fresh bread that Dew had made and added extra butter. The first strawberries of the season were fantastic. I hoarded more than my share. Finishing my tea, something in my stomach flipped violently. It did another somersault before I recognized that I needed to hurry. “Move, Blake!” I barked and shoved hard at his chair. I covered my mouth with my hand to hold back my breakfast that was returning with insane speed. I barely made it to the toilet before I vomited spectacularly. Hardly done, hormones sent another round of bile through my mouth and I convulsed again. Feeling like my stomach was empty again, I slumped to the floor in the tiny bathroom. I rested my cheek on the cool surface of the floor. A commotion from the breakfast table rang out, but I just didn't care. It felt so good to have the food out of my system. I climbed to my feet, right when Blake came in to check on me. He had the most entertaining look on his face. I growled displeased.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“I'm fine,” I answered, while getting up to rinse out my mouth out. Blake was still grinning quietly. “You can stop that. This is not funny,” I muttered, while going back to the breakfast table.

“Oh, it is a little funny.” He chuckled.

As I sat down at the breakfast table again, Joshwin's chair was knocked over and everyone had the same amused expression as Blake. “Where's Joshwin?” I wondered out loud.

The laughter became more obvious. “He'll be back in a moment,” Kasardian answered, trying hard to subdue a chuckle. He was right. After a few minutes, Joshwin materialized from the back porch door.

“Where did you go?” I asked confused. It was hard to believe a minute ago that I had felt so sick.

“You took the bathroom, so I had to use the next best option.” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and picked up his chair.

“What are you talking about?” I blinked rapidly.

“Oh, Joshwin here, feels the same way you do.” Blake crooned utterly amused.

“I made you sick?” I blurted stunned at Joshwin.

“Yes,” he groaned and slumped down into his chair. Blake was right. This was a little funny. I had gotten so sick that Joshwin had the same reaction as I did. In retrospect, it would be even funnier. Joshwin poured down more water and focused on picking at a piece of bread. “I think that I understand now why our women don't get sick during pregnancies.” Color was slowly returning to his face.

My eyes flashed to Kasardian, who was still grinning quietly. Teenage pregnancies and dads normally didn’t slide over so well. In truth, it was normally a very delicate topic. Generally speaking, it should be laced with horrific arguments, but my dad or dads were just... eating and laughing. What the hell? We hadn't officially told my fathers yet. “You know?” I asked mollified.

“Yes.” Kasardian exchanged looks with Dew and Junius.

“You all know?” I glanced at the other two.

“We do,” Dew answered. “Sibilla told us the day that you found out.”

“We are all really happy for you,” Junius said and broke into a face splitting smile.

“No point in alerting the media, I guess,” Blake mumbled.

“I think that we should have some kind of a celebration when the day arrives that someone actually keeps a secret in this house,” I grumbled. I was a little disappointed that my mom had told them.

“Elvirina, I’m so sorry that I told them without your permission. It was selfish of me, but I don’t like keeping a secret like this from any of them. You needed more time to digest the news and I couldn't lie to your father when he asked why you were so quiet,” Mom said apologetically.

“Er... speaking of secrets,” Blake muttered and his mouth twitched. Oh no!

“What?” I sighed. I could only imagine something was wrong with that troubled look on his face.

“I er... kind of arranged for a doctor’s appointment.” He carefully placed his fork at the side of his plate awaiting my rage. It flared, just like he expected.

“Well you have fun... Mom's taking care of me just fine. There is no reason for me to go.”

“Daughter, it couldn't hurt,” Mom intervened carefully.

“Mom, you knew?” I spat.

“Yes.”

“Joshwin?”

“No,” he growled. This time I wasn't the only one outplayed, Joshwin was too. By the look of it, he was not the least bit happy. I was stunned. Blake always had plans, conniving his way around to find the best way to get his will brought to life.

“Er… the appointment is also kind of today, after school.” Blake’s lips twitched anticipating some kind of response. I had a temper problem, but sensing the anger roll of Joshwin, so did he today.

“When were you planning on telling us... or were you just hoping to kidnap Elvirina and take her there yourself?” Blake didn't answer and that could only mean one thing. Joshwin was right.

Blake's eyes shifted to me pleading. “I told you that I don't want you to get hurt... I just want to make sure everything is as fine as I can make them, so humor me my precautions. You have Sibilla. I have a doctor. No offense, Sibilla.”

“None taken,” Mom answered swiftly.

Looking at Blake, it was hard to miss his reason for going behind our backs. We were all a family and we should accommodate what everyone wanted and needed. Where was the harm really? I was about to open my mouth to speak when Joshwin took care of that for me.

“Fine,” he growled in agreement. “Just stop pushing everyone around like pawns in a chess game... All you have to do is ask.”

“I'll remember that.” Blake said and smiled happy that he once again had gotten things to go his way.

A few people sat quietly in the fancy waiting room. My eyes scanned the type of magazine that I never read. I took another sip of the cold water.

“Elvirina Blake? We're ready for you.” The receptionist with the kind face said looking up from her computer screen. Joshwin turned his head and eyed Blake angrily.

“What?” Blake complained. “I had to give her a last name. It seemed appropriate.” He shrugged.

“Fine,” Joshwin sighed irritated. He wasn't in favor of this visit. He was out of his normal territory and he didn't like it one bit. To be honest, neither was I, but the day had filled me with curiosity about the baby that was growing inside me.

“Come on,” I mumbled and followed behind the receptionist. We were brought to a dimly lit room that sparsely furnished. I barely recognized the monstrosity that had to be the scanner. This thing would blast pictures of what was inside me up on the wall. My hands were clammy and my mouth was dry again. The receptionist left and closed the door behind her.

“Are you sure this is a good idea, Blake?” Joshwin complained.

“Yes, it is going to be fine. It's just going to help us figure a few things out. Would you relax?” Blake said, as placed himself against the wall.

“He's right, Joshwin. This will take a few minutes and we will know with much more certainty how far along I am.” During the day at school, Blake had fully converted me to his team, thinking this doctor’s visit was a good idea.

“We won’t know anyway. We don't even know how long this pregnancy will take.” Joshwin grumbled.

“Well, look on the bright side. We know it will be between nine and twelve months.” Blake said.

Joshwin groaned again.

A short woman with ashen hair came into the room. Her face was soft and friendly. “Good afternoon. I am Doctor Aven, but you can call me Joan,” she said in a casual, but no nonsense tone. She shook my hand then Joshwin's, who introduced himself as the husband. When she turned, she noticed Blake resting against the wall. ”Oh, I see we have a crowd today and a tall one,” She smiled cordially. She did look like a minion compared to us.

“Caleb Blake,” Blake answered as he shook her hand.

“And you are...?” she prompted, before she looked at the chart and glanced up a little confused.

“He's my brother,” Joshwin inserted before anyone could say anything else.

“I see,” she said bewildered. Nice going, Joshwin. It wouldn't be strange at all to have his brother along for a baby scan. I noticed her appreciate the tattoos on Joshwin's arms, before she turned and smiled warmly at me. “Shall we begin, Mom?”

I hopped up on the bed and pulled my shirt up and rested back against the mattress. She squirted cold goo over my stomach and gently set the apparatus against my very slightly swollen stomach.

“So how far along are you?” She looked softly at me.

“I haven't got a clue,” I answered honestly.

“Okay... We'll figure it out,” she said trying to comfort me. She moved the weird looking thing over my stomach and then punched in some numbers on the keyboard, while mumbling to herself. “I am assuming that you're the father?” She looked at Joshwin, but unfortunately, someone else answered.

“I am,” Blake said swiftly,

I stared at him imprudently. Fantastic dumb and dumber, that wasn't suspicious at all. Blake just shrugged under my mean glare. I could see exactly what this looked like to her. I had banged my husband’s brother and elegantly gotten knocked up! Wow. Thank you! I groaned internally at their stupidity.

The doctor gave a composed glance at Blake and then smiled again.

“Could you sit up, dear? I need to check your back.” She said.

“Sure.” I leaned forward obediently.

She took a look for less than a second. “You can lie down again.” Her face even, like the complications presented to her didn't exist. She put the scanner to my belly again. “So where's the third one?” She looked at me with gleaming knowing eyes.

“What?” I answered absentmindedly, trying to make sense of the image blasted onto the wall. It looked like the skeleton of a dinosaur. A sense of warmth spread inside of me.

“The third husband?” The doctor clarified deadpan.

I was instantly brought back to Earth when I understood her question. “Er... Er...” No words seemed to be able to form in my mouth. I looked startled at Joshwin, whose face went completely as blank as I felt.

The doctor continued. “You’re Thumánn... right?” Her eyes traced back and forth between the three of us. None of us spoke. “I did my Masters on cultural differences between our races,” she enlightened. My mouth was dry as a desert and neither Blake nor Joshwin said anything. “I know that I'm right. Your height, your names, your tattoos and his bracelet of your hair.” She paused. “I figure that Joshwin is the soul mate due to the artwork and Blake is husband number two or three.” She continued speaking directly to me. “So where's the last one?”

This woman had way too much information about us, but for some reason, I trusted her. I kept my eyes locked on hers giving me access to what I wanted. Her mind. Isn't this just fantastic? I'm right. I know that I am. I can't believe that I get to meet a few of them. So many times, I wanted go to their homestead and they stumble into my office. What are the chances of that? I need to let them know that they can trust me. How to... How to... How to... I would die to learn more about them and to actually talk to them, but how? I wonder what their affinities are?

I studied the color of her eyes and the friendliness on her face. She didn't have to convince me. I already trusted her. “There isn't a third husband,” I said quietly as the doctor picked up a chart from the desk and took a few notes.

“Don't give her any details, Elvie.” Joshwin intruded in my head. I found his worried eyes. Well, if dumb and dumber hadn't screwed up, she probably wouldn't have suspected anything to begin with.

“You can trust her, Joshwin. She won't tell anyone. If she does, we’ll just bring Serenity next time.” I turned my head back to the doctor as I threatened discreetly. In the future, I didn't want there to be people thinking our child would be some kind of medical marvel that needed to be prodded and poked at. Serenity could make everyone forget they knew our baby.

She smiled softly again. “How about this baby? We should figure out how far along you are. Well, all my normal methods of calculation won’t work on you.”

I deliberated for a moment. “They wouldn't work if you had the Thumánn method either. Blake over there is my second husband and he is purely human. He got me pregnant.” She caught the chart mid air and fumbled it back into her hand, before it plummeted to the floor.

“That’s impossible,” she gasped.

“That's what we thought,” Joshwin said, smiling at the flabbergasted doctor. We probably looked the same way that she did now the day that we found out.

“Huh... I'll just need a moment,” Doctor Joan mumbled, sucking in a deep shaky breath.

Blake grinned. “Yeah... that's what I said.”

The doctor’s eyes narrowed. “You said your name was Caleb Blake... Are you Nicholas Blake's son?”

“One and the same. Do you know my father?” Blake asked.

“Absolutely. I've been trying to get into his medical research programs for years.”

“Is that so...” Blake mused. “Tell you what. If you truly help us keep the pregnancy just between us, I'll make sure my father's program accepts you,” he plotted swiftly.

“I'll keep this secret if you do that and let me follow this pregnancy... then this chart might even get lost somewhere.” She fanned the papers a few times. Wow, the two of them were really good at playing the blackmail game.

Blake looked at Joshwin who nodded once. “It's a deal,” Blake agreed.

Joan went to work. She asked every question possible about my cycle that had never really started, about my weight that I had never known and about my mother’s pregnancies, where I had no information since the only time my mother had been pregnant was when I was in her womb. She also inquired about Blake's family, which left us with very little to tell. Blake knew nothing about his birth parents. She needed to know about when we were intimate, which was every day to three days since the day Blake and I were married. So the bottom line was we couldn't give her any details to make her be able to give me a due date. She basically didn't know any more than we did.

“How did you weasel your way in with them? I couldn't even get a pass to Hananjii for my final thesis.” The doctor continued questioning Blake when she was done with the equation that was clearly unsolvable. She picked up the scanner piece again and put it to my pelvis.

“I fell in love with Elvia and Joshwin over there just can't resist my good sense of humor.”

“Shut up, Blake.” Joshwin drawled and rolled his eyes.

“See!” Blake grinned obnoxiously. His lips thinned and his eyes were calculating. “What kind of doctor are you?”

“I specialize in gynecology and genetics... What can I say? I'm a nerd with a thing for babies.” Apparently, she also had a sense of humor.

“Really?” Blake said flatly and pursed his lips.

“Really.” Doctor Joan retorted and returned to the screen, while moving the head of the scanner over my belly.

“Hmm, perhaps... It would be really interesting to see...” Blake paused dramatically. “No, forget it,” he dismissed and waited.

Doctor Joan couldn't resist just as Blake expected, I presumed. “What?”

“Well, how much would you give for a chance to study someone in the in-between?”

“Blake, don't,” I warned. I tried to shove a little authority into my voice.

“Don't use that on me, Elvia,” Blake said quietly. “That only works on him.” Blake didn't play by the Thumánn tradition. I couldn't out rule him if I wanted to.

“Well back to business... your baby looks perfectly fine. Two arms, two legs and one head. The size is a bit small by human standards, but I suspect a little larger for Thumánn standards. There is a strong heartbeat and a good set of lungs. My completely uneducated guess in this situation is approximately fourteen weeks. Does that make sense to you?” She asked when done evaluating the unreadable pictures on the screen.

I did a little mental math. “Sounds about right.” I would have gotten pregnant not long after we got married.

“So the baby is healthy.” Joshwin asked with a sigh of relief.

“Yes... strong and healthy. You don't have to worry.” She smiled softly in reassurance and her eyes shifted back to Blake. “What was it that you were saying again? The ‘in between’?” She handed me a piece of paper to wipe the sticky goo off my pelvis. She returned to take a few more notes on the chart.

“I have an affinity... like they do.” Blake threw a finger at both Joshwin and I. “That's what I meant with the ‘in between’... How much would you pay for that?” She looked up intrigued.

“Huh... You mean do a full blood work-up and get the chance to compare your DNA to theirs?”

“Something like that,” Blake answered.

“At the end of the day, I just couldn't find the chart... ever again. Ugh... that's all I got.” She sighed and gave up the blackmailing game. She let the chart land on the desk with a thud.

“To show you how grateful we are, I think you just got accepted to whatever program you want of my father’s... with honors.”

“…And I get to follow the pregnancy?” She chimed, looking awfully hopeful.

“Elvia?” Blake asked. I could see in his eyes his wish to have someone he trusted to make sure that I was safe. I already trusted the doctor, so it couldn't hurt.

“Sure, but not here. I want to do it from home. If that is okay with you?” My eyes shifted back to the doctor.

“Better for me.” The doctor beamed youthfully, probably deducting ten years from her age. “What is your affinity, Blake?”

“It's like static electricity, only I can control it and it can be very, very strong and dangerous... if I want it to be.” The last words left Blake's mouth with a cloud of regret.

“You can choke someone to death?” Joan asked incredulously.

“Not someone, the one. It was kind of the other way around, like when you shock someone to get their heart started again, like a crash cart.” Blake moved his hand to pull at my shirt. “Can I?” He asked softly. He knew very well how I felt about anybody seeing my scar. Only Blake was fully allowed to touch it and with him it was okay because he caused it and it strangely belonged to him. Even when Joshwin touched it, I wasn't fully comfortable. I nodded my head slightly in agreement. Gently, he pulled the fabric aside revealing what was underneath. “I did that to her,” Blake said bashful.

“Holy cow,” Doctor Aven shrieked.. My face heated uncomfortably as she leaned closer to inspect the maimed skin. “That’s impressive,” she muttered.

“Not really,” I answered flatly. I was a little insulted. I didn't really see the impressive side of having your chest scorched and permanently ruined.

“I apologize. I meant no disrespect. ”

We made arrangements for the doctor to visit us for a check-up on Sunday, every third week. That way, she could get all the answers while studying something no one would know the outcome. It was nice not having to explain every detail of our way of life. Dr. Joan already knew how our kind of family worked. Before leaving, she took blood samples from all of us to disclose what kind of secrets there might be in Blake's blood.

Seconds before leaving the office, I encouraged Blake to ask questions that he might have with the doctor privately. As sure as the sun rising in the morning, I wasn't staying celibate until after the baby arrived. To my luck, she convinced Blake that being pregnant didn't equal a death sentence if you chose to have sex... not for him, his wife or his unborn baby.

Arriving home from the doctor, we told the rest of the family of our happy news. I had hoped that it would soften Avendia. It did, just not as much as I'd wished.

With all I's dotted and T's crossed, days started to move forward in a calm and nauseous fashion. Waking up in the morning, I never knew what was coming. Some days were easy and energetic, but the rest of them often did it's best to force Joshwin and me back into bed. I started counting days that passed without vomiting. It wasn't positive, but it was just much easier. I didn't take Joshwin down with me every time, but sometimes he just couldn't escape. The queasiness seemed to be never ending and a constant black cloud on the horizon.

A new routine started. The person, who wasn’t next to me in the morning, fetched orange juice and buttered bread for me before I would even set my feet on the floor. That seemed to take the top off and save me a trip to the bathroom crouching over the toilet.

I didn't do much to pay attention in school. I was more focused on keeping breakfast or lunch down, but Blake insisted that we go. He was extremely helpful in every way that he could, both to Joshwin and me.

Slowly, the small concave bump grew more defined and it got harder to hide the pregnancy, but I was determined to keep it a secret until school was out for the summer. That was in four weeks. The month would soon change to June and it would officially be summer.

The weather was warming and everything was fresh and lush with life. I was unbelievable happy... so were we all. I spent the majority of my time two ways. Joshwin and I spend every waking moment that I was not nauseous outside, privately working on the tattoo that was down to the middle of his back now. I was lost in concentration every time I worked, until I was reminded who was the ‘paintee’ and that the process was painful for the person on the business end of the needle. Joshwin softened to me again and I was slowly let in behind his protective guard. We started laughing, even the thought of that small gesture brought tears to my eyes. Joshwin had been watchful in the past, but it was nothing compared to how he was now. His overly protective fashion had a tendency to get on my nerves and at the same time, I relished the attention that it brought on. He was a step above exhilarated with the pregnancy.

The other part of my time was with Blake sleeping or being tempted out of my clothes and into his arms. He was still concerned that I might get hurt when we made love, but I kept reassuring him that I felt fine.

Both Joshwin and Blake, often accompanied by Chrystan, spent a fair amount of time stuck under the hood of Joshwin and Chrystan's car. It was close to needing permanent residency in a junkyard, but so far it still managed to get us to school and back again.

Serenity developed a new hobby. Every morning, she would sit for a few minutes and feel the life growing inside of me. I let her sit as long as she wanted, feeling whatever it was that was so enchanting to her. By the glow in her chocolate colored eyes, she loved it.

To everyone's surprise, the only two people at home who couldn't sense the feeling of life inside me were Blake and me. Mom worked hard to figure out a theory of why that was, but no one could figure it out.