Chapter 13: Temptation

Elvirina

I had no expectations of what today would hold, but wasn't it like that every day? No one ever really knew what to expect. The only thing that I knew for sure was that school was going to be another boring event. I seriously considered actually paying attention today. I might even learn something. Never underestimate the power of an education.

I missed having Serenity by my side, but I knew that she preferred to stay at home and spend quality time with Saddettin. However, I wasn’t going to think about too much.  I groaned internally. It all seemed so unfair.

“What?” Joshwin asked from beside me.

“Nothing. I was just thinking about Serenity and Saddettin,” I answered, unwilling to open up that subject.

“Fine. Are you excited about tonight?”

“Some. It will be nice to see a commitment ceremony before we have to do one.” It would probably be helpful to experience what the fuss was about, before we were the ones at the center of attention.

“I think so too,” Joshwin agreed. We stopped at my first class. “I’ll see you later.” Joshwin kissed my cheek before heading down the hall to his class. As I watched his lean body walk away, I missed him already. However, I also felt someone else approaching. I groaned internally again. I needed to get a handle on tingle boy before this got any worse. I had promised. I just couldn't figure out why I was so fascinated with him. It wasn't like he was one of us.

“Is Serenity still really sad?” Nikki asked before I even noticed her presence.

“Hi Nikki,” I answered as I entered the classroom. “Yes, she has a lot going on right now.” That wasn't a lie. I wasn't about to explain the inner workings of Thumánn life or the ceremony that was going to take place at my house tonight. Well, I couldn't really explain that either because I wasn't one hundred percent sure what to expect myself. I only knew the basics of what would be going on.

“Tell her that I said hi,” Nikki offered before she sat down in her chair and twirled her already frizzy hair.

“I will pass that along.”

Mr. Brenner entered, while starting another tedious lecture before he even put his bag down on the desk. He did this just as he did every single day. He moved toward the door and was about to close it when my mouth acted without permission from my brain again. The humming and tingling was intensifying and I knew someone was almost here. “Er... Mr. Brenner, Blake will be here in a second,” I said out loud in front of the entire class. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

“Elvirina, thank you for doing Mr. Blake's dirty work. Maybe you should even set his watch for him,” he droned on sardonically.

Blake entered the next second, while almost slamming the door into Mr. Brenner. “Uh, sorry,” he muttered, before heading for his seat.

“Mr. Blake. Don't you think it's nice that the weekend is approaching?” Blake looked at Mr. Brenner seeming confused. He blinked rapidly. “Then maybe you can practice learning to tell time, so that Monday you will be here on time.” Mr. Brenner's voice was completely flat and humorless. The class giggled.

Blake threw the teacher a snide smile before heading for the seat next to me. I blocked the protesting voices in my head that weren’t my own, before I took another mental beating for something that I didn't do.

I settled and prepared myself for another uninteresting lecture on world history. If so many fascinating things had happened through time, then why on Earth did Mr. Brenner insist on making them as boring as possible? I just didn’t get it.

I was mentally sleeping when I was woken by some unsettling news. “Yes, I forgot. Mr. Blake and Ms. Elvirina, Headmistress Quellan told me to give the two of you this message. I quote.” He stated dry as gravel. “Things do not pick themselves up from the floor. She said that you would know what that meant and you are excused from this class.” He didn't seem pleased to excuse us, but Quellan had obviously trumped him for some odd reason.

I looked at Blake and we groaned defeated. Both of us seemed to remember the chaotic mess that we had swept into a dark corner on the auditorium stage. “Guess more free manual labor skills are required,” Blake whispered across the aisle.

“Maybe we should report them this time,” I reminded him. He laughed when Mr. Brenner cleared his throat in a get-out-of-my-class kind of way.

“So... “ Blake mused inquisitively when we were walking down the hall closing in on the auditorium.

“So what?” I asked pretending to be dense. I knew that he was hoping that I would plunge into the dark tale of Thumánn life without further ado from him. I didn’t.

“There’s no point in beating around the bush... I'm dying to know your answer.”

“Yeah, I'm weighing the option of not telling you and just plastering your photo all over school premises.”

“Ugh. I hadn't exactly considered that,” he drawled scratching his hair, making it sound like he was worried. His expression changed. “But you wouldn't,” he dared.

“And why wouldn't I?” I asked, while raising an eyebrow.

“You're too good. I don't think that you have a mean bone in your body. You're too... sweet.” He looked so pleased with his words, while his eyes were gleaming at me.

He was right. I would never do anything like that. I don’t even think that I would have told if he did tell my secrets. “Okay, I'll tell you.”

“You will?” Blake beamed, looking like a kid on his birthday.

“Yes,” I answered glumly. I still knew that I shouldn't. I knew that it was wrong, but I wanted to for some reason that I had yet to discover.

“Okay. So what are they?” Blake inquired with a smile that slowly revealed two charming dimples.

“Let's just get started and I'll try not to freak you out.”

Blake held the door for the auditorium open as I entered. We started picking up the pieces that we had pushed into the corner, while sorting them by color and stacking them in boxes. “I'm still waiting.” He pushed with a triumphant smile.

I chewed my lip. “I'm still trying to figure out how not to freak you out.”

“I promise that I won't freak. No matter what it is, I'll play it totally cool.”

“Sure.” I laughed, not really convinced that was plausible.

“Are you always this happy?” I asked. It looked to me like Blake was just one of those generally happy and secure people. He never seemed threatened by the ever-choking surroundings of all this teenage drama and insecurities that always cloaked this school.

He cocked a brow and surprise slithered across his face. He made a grimace that I didn't understand. “No,” Blake answered quietly.

“No?”

“Do you see me as a happy person?” He stopped moving and gave me a look of utter disbelief.

“Yeah.” I shrugged, while putting a stack of reds into a box.

“Huh. Funny... I'm never happy.” Blake made the same sly face again. “I'm sarcastic, brooding and heavily ironic. I'm many things, but I'm generally not a happy person,” Blake's answered severely, totally stripped of humor. His response caught me off guard. How was I so wrong about him? All I saw were his smiles, laughing and cheerful remarks, not the dark person that he was describing. “But with you...” He stopped mid sentence and drew his shoulders upward.

“With me what?” I prodded, waiting for the silence to end. It was unnerving.

“Nothing and you are dodging the subject. We were talking about you and your gifts.” He looked at me with curious grayish eyes, while he scooted up a huge amount of hooks. I gave in.

“No freaking,” I warned.

“Or yelling or screaming.” He continued stealing my words.

“Or telling a soul. Agreed?”

“Agreed,” he swore.

“Okay.” I hadn't actually tried to read Blake's mind, but so far I knew that I couldn't easily access his mind. His words didn't flow into my mind like others. With him, I needed to have eye contact. I searched his eyes quietly, but nothing. I drew in a deep breath and centered myself, before reaching deeper into his eyes. Then I found his familiar husky voice and picked up a few words here and there, but nothing that made sense. I felt like I was intruding by doing this, but he was the one who wanted to know.

“Are you going to tell me or not?” He asked impatiently.

“Shh,” I hushed.

“Oh, are you doing something now, because I don't feel anything... Wait, am I supposed to feel something?”

“Would you be quiet?” I demanded as nicely as I could. I focused again. His mind was hard to read. I knew that I could, but there was some kind of block shielding his thoughts, as if they were guarded. I held my focus and the sentences started to flow in full length. “I like the way that she smiles with her eyes. Whatever makes her think that I am a happy, maybe it’s because I act like such a moron around her. I wish that we had more work to do. I don't want to hurry too much. Sure, she has a boyfriend, but that doesn't mean that I can't talk to her. He doesn't own her.” I closed my eyes to stop the intrusion, also I didn't need to have more information on whether he liked me or not. That was potentially very dangerous. I was already too fascinated with him to begin with, so there was no reason to get swept up by his tirade of what he liked about me.

“You don't understand why I think of you as happy and you think that I smile with my eyes.” I spoke carefully, as if that would make his shock less brutal or just slightly more subdued. At first, Blake just looked at me like he normally did. Then it seemed like he thought about what I just said and it registered somewhere deep in his mind that I had repeated his thoughts. His jaw dropped and his eyes widened. He looked astonished. After a few minutes of gawking, he tried to control his expression as he picked up the lower part of his face and closed his mouth. He swallowed and tried to speak.

“How would you know that?” Blake asked, already having the answer. It wasn’t unreasonable that he needed a clear and solid reason to deny what he had always thought to be impossible. I can't say that I blamed him. Statements like that could send a human straight to a one-room apartment with padding on the walls.

“Think of a number,” I offered.

“Between what?” Blake asked struggling to keep calm and composed.

“Anything.” This actually was a lot of fun, though I wasn’t about to overlook that I was rattling his cage.

“Thinking,” Blake said looking at me all wide-eyed.

“Three-hundred-and-thirty-three.”

“What now?” He countered immediately. Numbers were flying around his mind like bees in a hive.

“Stop changing your mind and pick a number.”

“That's amazing,” he mouthed

“Not always.” If I could pick any other gift, I was pretty sure that I would swap this one for something else. I often had way too much information that I didn't need and no one asked if I wanted to know.

“You can read minds,” Blake muttered the words out loud, as if saying them made the truth stick to his mind making it true.

“Freaked?” I asked warily.

“I have to admit... some.” He nodded slowly.

“I told you so.”

“I seriously have to curb what I think around you from now on.” His face paled. “Do you know everything that I'm thinking?” He looked nervous now, probably not far from losing his breakfast. I thought about letting him sweat a little longer.

“Hmm... no,” I answered slowly.

“Uh... that's kind of a relief.” He sighed heavily.

“Why?”

“I’m pretty damn sure that you would have a restraining order against me... if not yet, then soon!” He tried to laugh, but it was drowned by his nervousness.

“I’m sure that it won’t come to that, but if we don't get moving soon, this job will take longer,” I said, while raising an eyebrow.

“Oh no.” He gritted his teeth and the last bit of rosy color in under his skin washed out completely. I couldn't stop snickering because this was more than a little fun. Maybe Serenity did have the whole idea about using abilities for our own benefits completely right. There certainly was an upside to reading people from the inside out and not the other way around.

“Oh, don't worry. I didn't hear much more than that.”

“Great,” he answered sardonically. “So you know everything that goes on around here?”

“No, I don’t, far from it actually. I try not to pay attention to any of it.”

“Sure.” Blake rolled his eyes.

“No, I don't!”

“If you wanted to, you could though, right?”

“No. I can't read all minds and some are much harder than others,” I said, while sinking another stack into a box. “Blake, you got to help me here.” I pointed toward the squares.

“Oh, right... So how's my mind to read?”

“It's hard. You're very private. I'd say you often block your thoughts and emotions.” I gazed up at him, while trying to measure his reaction. His lips narrowed into a tight line and he didn't answer what I just said.

“Though you can read most minds.” He continued clearly not wanting to talk about himself.

“Yes. Mostly, I have to have eye contact, but some people's thoughts just flow into my mind. I like to think that it's related to how open people are in general.” I finished a stack of green squares and slipped it into a box.

“So, I'm not very open, am I?” Blake asked earnestly.

“No.” I pursed my lips. “Blake, why do you think that you're not happy?”

He stared at the floor and started tracing patterns with a long finger. “Because I'm not.”

“I see you as happy. Why do you think that is?” I sat quietly on my knees and waited for him to answer. Blake actually started gathering the rest of the squares and dumped a stack into a box.

“I feel something when I'm around you.” He didn't look at me when he answered. He just kept sorting errant pieces. I wasn't sure if that something was feelings or the inexplicable tingle between us. Perhaps, he didn't know what that was anymore than I did. I knew it had to have some kind of meaning, but what was it?

Blake didn't say anything else. Instead, he started carrying boxes out back and disappeared behind a wall. I sorted the last squares into the correct boxes and closed them up, then picked up a box took it out back.

I saw his tall frame cloaked in the darkness. It was like a vague silhouette in the light. His shoulders were hunched and his head hung down toward his chest.

“Blake?” I tentatively called out. I walked towards him carefully because I had no clue if he wanted to speak to me or not.

“Are you pulling any of your mumbo jumbo crap on me?” He asked severely. His tone was almost accusing.

“No,” I countered.

“Then what are you doing to me?”

“I'm not doing anything.” I was right in front of him now, studying the confusion painted all over the planes of his face. He seemed almost lost in the despair.

“I don't understand what it is with you... I have my life all sorted out. I function, but with you, there's something else. I can feel it, but I can’t touch it.” He paused. His eyes were glistening. “I know that I don't make much sense,” he said quietly.

“You're making more sense than you think.” He could put what I felt into words. He was verbally able to define the thing between us.

“But you feel it too, right?” He held out a hand and took mine. His hand was warm around mine with an intense sizzling searing against my palm. I was surprised how incredibly good it felt.

“Yes,” I breathed.

“What does it feel like to you?” He looked at our hands as he shaped his fingers around mine and laced them together. My heart’s palpitations felt heavy and erratic. I knew that pumping all too well. It was my hormones wrapped all around my desire. I unintentionally locked Blake and I inside the black walls without considering what the hell I was getting myself into.

“Electricity,” I answered. “What does it feel like to you?” I wondered if this was something different to Blake. Perhaps, it wasn’t the tingling or the delicious sizzling crawling up his spine

“It’s an unstoppable current, almost like a riptide dragging me to you.”

I was hypnotized by the way his lips moved when he spoke. “You have to fight it,” I whispered feebly.

“I don't want to.”

“You have to... it's just an illusion... I'm changing.” I could hear how powerless my attempt to refuse him was. To push him away felt wrong somehow.

“You're not an illusion to me. I feel the opposite. I feel real with you.” He grabbed my other hand and slowly let his fingers twine into mine. His hands were warm and strong. His touch made everything in me simmer to the point just before boiling. “What do you mean that you're changing?”

“Imagine all your teenage years crammed into a few months. Everything that happens to humans in those years is happening to me right now.” I noticed the tone of my voice had changed almost to a seductive purr. I didn't even try.

“You look fine to me?” Blake said then smiled almost wickedly.

“It’s not physical. It's mental like reaching a mental maturity.” I was changing into a woman with all the things that being a woman entailed, but I just didn’t know how that was supposed to feel.

“So what are you saying?” He moved our laced hands up and drew a finger down my cheek.

“I'm… I’m confused.” I tried to ignore the delirious humming, but I lost. It went straight to my heart and moved to my stomach. I wanted more.

“So am I,” Blake whispered with a strange intensity. He moved closer to me, dangerously close.

“Blake... Don't,” I whispered powerlessly.

“Why not?” He leaned closer to my face.

“I shouldn't... it's not right.” I was already leaning my head up to greet his lips when they would be close enough to touch.

“It could be.” The words were a hoarse croon inches away.

Was there no justice here? It wasn't fair to lure me this way.

“Please don't.” I should fight it, but I couldn't. I just gave in.

“Then leave.” Blake offered. He let go of one of my hands and placed it behind my neck. His fingers rubbed against my skin at the fringe of my hairline.

“I can't,” I breathed. I didn't know how to move my feet. To add to the unfairness of it all, he pulled me in closer by wrapping a hand around the small of my back.

“Just let me,” he whispered. His voice was so captivating. His lips were less than an inch from mine. I literally felt a current run from him to me. I didn't say no when Blake bent down to me.

In the first fraction of a second when Blake's warm lips touched mine, I felt the electricity snap several times on my mouth. Mentally, I tried to fight him off. I tried with all my will to break off the kiss, but the only thing that I did was give in. I leaned into the kiss, while letting it deepen when my tongue searched for his. The kiss was sweet and dangerous at the same time. It felt like the amps were turned up as Blake kept searching for more. I followed his lead and pushed myself closer to him. An untouchable fog clouded my mind and I was defenseless with him. This was different with Blake because I couldn't fight it, even though I knew I had to, but I didn't want to. I was risking everything.

The fog made me forget time and place. I forgot myself and neglected the block that had automatically formed around us. The black walls confining us in this moment suddenly lost their color and dispersed, while leaving Blake and I wide open.

“Elvie... NO!!!” Joshwin's voice roared through the fog like a car tunneling through a field of corn. I shoved hard against Blake's chest and the excessive force made him stagger back and bump against the facing wall.

“Elvia... what the hell?” He touched his lips with the tips of his fingers like he tried to put together what had just happened.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you... are you okay?” I asked, recoiling in surprise.

“I'm fine... I was just taken by surprise. That’s all.” He braced his palms against his knees, keeping himself balanced.

“We really shouldn't...” I started to say, but Blake cut me off.

“I couldn't stop myself,” he expressed, while feeling stunned himself it seemed.

“That's what I've been saying. I'm an illusion to you. My change is making me engaging to you.” I paused. “We need to stay away from each other.” I said harshly because I needed to convince myself just as much as I needed to convince Blake.

“No, Elvia, we don't... isn't Josh up for a little healthy competition?” Blake said smirking. Well, he was clearly more recuperated than me. My head was still dim and totally foggy.

“Joshwin.” I corrected out of pure instinct. Joshwin hated being called Josh. “Blake, we can't be doing this.” I felt the shame start to roll over me. I could lose everything. At the flick of my wrist, I had almost demolished the marrow that I lived for and believed in.

“I need this... I need you,” Blake said. His voice was so convincing. I felt the intimate pull as I was almost sucked in to his lure again. The fog was drowning me in him and my mind powerlessly floated toward him.

“Elvie!” Joshwin hissed roughly in my head. The black walls hadn't taken form again, so Joshwin felt my hunger for Blake.

“No, Blake,” I refused briskly. I stalked out onto the stage again, so desperate to flee my consequential stupidity. I jumped off the stage then ran up the aisle toward the door. I had to face my judge and admit to my crime, though Joshwin already knew what I had done.

I slammed the door hard behind me and sooner rather than I expected I ran right  into him. Joshwin was just down the hall. I felt his eyes bore into me with a pained expression. It made me wish for Chinese water torture rather than facing him. I made my feet move in his direction. Joshwin didn’t move an inch, while he glared at me.

“What happened?” Joshwin sneered in my head, when I was right in front of him.

Knowing that I would not be able to lie, I dodged his question. “I'm sorry,” I answered ducking my head down shamefully. My heart thundered with guilt, pumping it around in my body.

“You have to control this.” His voice was inflexible as he shook his head disapprovingly at me, like a father saying he wasn't mad. No, he was disappointed! That one always had a nasty sting to it. “You promised.” He gnashed his teeth making them screech from the hard bit. He looked so heartbroken.

“I know and I'm sorry,” I apologized feebly again. I felt so stupid and so childish at the same time, but I couldn't help wiping my mouth with the back of my hand like that would erase the kiss. It was just plain stupid, stupid, stupid.

Joshwin grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into an empty classroom. “Elvie, you have to be careful.” It wasn't a scolding as much as it was an intense pleading.

“I know.”

“I don't think that you understand how strong and how potent you are these days.” I knew what he was referring to. We had had this conversation more than once now. I was nothing but raging hormones and a bully when it came to those hormones and now there was this too! The guilt was crushing my heart from all sides.

“I'll be more careful.” I promised.

“I don't blame you. I know that you don't see just how... appealing you are.” Joshwin's torn eyes made everything worse. The guilt twisted to my stomach like a knife being buried deep in my gut while someone kept retching it around.

“I don't know what came over me,” I admitted, while horrified at what happened. He seemed to deliberate for a long moment. I waited for him to speak. He didn’t. I bit down on my chewed up thumbnail hoping and praying that he would end this silence. Still he said nothing. The guilt was like maggots feasting on my decayed insides. Please say something.

More silence followed, but I didn’t dare to speak.

“Okay,” Joshwin finally answered, probably a hairsbreadth less angry than before. He pushed his untidy hair back and sighed heavily, in an almost defeated manner. “I know that there will be others, but it’s supposed to be us first. We have to be cemented before anything else happens. I hope you realize the risk that you are putting us in. Don't break us, Elvie!” He paused shortly. “No more mistakes and especially not one that isn't one of us.” Joshwin bit out through his teeth.

I knew all of these facts.

He breathed heavily through his nose and nostrils flared. His face had an irritated grimace. “You made me a promise, Elvirina.” His eyes flamed. “Don't block me out.”

“I promise that I won't do it again.” My voice was flat from the shame obstructing my throat.

The bell rang ending the class. Joshwin swiftly kissed my forehead and grabbed me by the hand. His familiar touch made me feel about a fraction of an inch closer to forgiveness.

“Let's go,” he ordered softly. I followed behind him as we mixed in with the other students. None of them knew that I had made the biggest mistake that I could possibly make.

It was hard to keep the shame at bay during the next class, but Joshwin sent me encouraging looks from next to me. It almost kept the tears away. I was so stupid, but what bugged me even more was that I had no answer as to why I had done it. Why I hadn't fought harder? Why hadn’t I said no? What was with the fog? Joshwin had asked why and I had absolutely no answer to give him, other than I wanted to kiss him. The fascination was simply too strong. I was drawn, sucked in and helplessly dragged toward Blake.

I would keep completely clear off him from now on. How hard could that be? I had one class with him and if Serenity wasn't there with me, I would just skip it. It was that simple.

Between the second and third class, it was already proving how hard that was going to be. Leaving one class in favor of the next, the tingle started running up my spine again. I looked at Joshwin. His face showed the strain that he also knew that Blake was close. Oh great!

Joshwin wrapped his hand around mine protectively as his pace picked up. I saw Blake not too far down the hall. He was coming straight towards me. Oh no! Joshwin shifted sides with me and squeezed my hand slightly. “Keep walking. I'm not mad and remember, I don't blame you.” His weak smile was forced, but I admired his overbearing heart. Though I didn't miss his last comment, if he didn't blame me that could only mean that he blamed Blake.

Blake looked from Joshwin to me and then back again. His eyes shifted down to our hands wrapped in each other’s. He stopped just as we were passing. “I need to talk to you,” he said softly.

I went against the current pulling at me and didn't stop when Blake spoke. I didn't answer either. I just looked at the floor completely ignoring him when passing. My heart pounded in my chest, but I kept moving down the hall. Joshwin stared ahead. His face was deadly calm and cold as stone.

“Elvia?” Blake called after me, stunned by my rejection. I kept my breathing in check and kept my hand in my soul mate’s for support.

“Just keep walking,” Joshwin's mental voice was tight.

The fourth class of the day dragged itself to an end. It was time for lunch. I worried that I might have to deal with Blake once again. I had no clue what to say to him.