Chapter 35: Past/Future

Elvirina 

I changed out of my warm clothes and stepped into the shower. I let the warm drops heat my body after spending the day in the shed with my dad. I stood there, letting a few more minutes pass, so it would be sooner Joshwin that would be home. I put some fresh clothes on and started yanking a brush through my hair. I really needed the ends trimmed soon, they were worn and tired.

Agitated voices traveled through the door. I gaped when I realized it was mom and dad that were fighting. I had never heard that in my entire life, my dad would never pick a fight with my mom. I listened intently, but I couldn't pick up a full sentence, though, it was about me. I opened the door to the hall wider and stuck my head out for a better audio.

“Sibilla, please listen to me,” Dad begged. “It is time.”

“It is not your call,” she sneered.

“I know that. She confronted me today and I can't keep lying to her. Not after what they have been through,” Dad's voice was soft and pleading.

“I understand you are happy things have evened out between the two of you, but I think it’s better if rules stay the way they are,” she cut him off.

“But look what happened to them. You shouldn't have broken their bond ,Sibilla.”

“I didn't know that was it. It does happen on rare occasions that soul mates do not fall in love. I thought it was one of those times.”

“Have you looked at them, Sibilla? I have never seen anyone so strong. Elvirina is even stronger in her will than you. She needs to know the truth.”

“That is my call,” Mom countered firmly.

“I know, but I am begging you to tell her. Especially now that she is moving on.”

“Kasardian, I cannot tell her,” she sighed.

“This is not about you. You made your choice and Elvie is making hers. What if this Blake decides to stick around? They are not going to like that.”

“They are not going to like anything my family does,” Mom mocked.

“Please it is time to let them know. Look at the man Joshwin has become. He won. You won. You were right. It is over and it is okay to tell them.”

There was a long pause. “I will discuss it with Avendia and Norahla, but until then, you need to keep your mouth shut!” Mom snapped. I had never heard her tone like this. She never raised her voice against dad, and now she was even being mean. In my eyes, she had never been anything but soft. I recognized her tone, though. It was pure instinct. I had felt it this morning, even used it against Joshwin.

I focused my mind on more important things. What were they talking about? It was about me, perhaps even Joshwin and Blake, because they were mentioned to. I was stunned. I might be more right than I ever thought possible. There was a deeper reason we lived out here, away from our own kind.

“What are you doing?” Joshwin asked out of nowhere. I basically fell into his arms when he opened the door I was leaning against.

“My parents are fighting,” I mumbled, feeling a little hurt. My insides were uncomfortably twisting, unnerving. I never wanted to hear that again. I frowned, feeling a little sheltered.

“Really?” Joshwin questioned, unconvinced.

“It was about us.” I looked up at his face folding in concern. He felt my unease with the situation.

“Don't worry about it,” he murmured and pushed us into the room. He stole a too-short, but sweet kiss from me before he pulled his sweater off. “Blake says hi.” Joshwin said nonchalantly.

A smile forced it’s way to my face. “Thanks. How was he today?” I asked hopeful.

“He was good. He told me to give you this,” Joshwin fished a folded piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to me. I unfolded.

I dreamed of you, like I promised

I love you and see you soon

Yours Blake

I smiled when I read the few words Blake had left for me. My stomach bubbled eagerly. It was all still so very new and so exciting.

“What is it?” Joshwin asked curiously. I held out the note for Joshwin to see. I wouldn't want there to be any secrets between us. Joshwin looked at the note for a moment. He didn't take it, but instead he folded my fingers around the paper, hiding it from plain sight. “There are thing now that are none of my business. I know it, but you need to learn it,” Joshwin said earnestly and his smiled tensed, before he kissed my fisted hand. I was surprised by this tiny action that had so much importance. Joshwin was teaching me my place, he had already accepted his.

“I am sorry about this morning.”

“Don't be.” He settled on the bed. “You were right to put me in my place,” He tugged on my hand and pulled me to him. I settled on his lap and rested my head against his shoulder. “But I am happy you agreed to wait,” Joshwin whispered in a soft, grateful tone. He pulled my damp hair aside and kissed my neck. “Things are changing and I know it. I’ve already accepted it.”

“I know, and in more than one way.” My mind wandered to my parents arguing. I tried to sort through what I had heard, but it made no sense. Joshwin pushed us to the bed. He didn't kiss me or seek any form of intimacy, he just stroked my back while I listened to his heart thudding. I fed on his energy and mentally melted into him. This was my soul mate. The perfect creature for me, he perfected my soul. In moments like this, time vanished and I was sucked into the strength of our bond. I was happy.

The light was dim when we started to move again. The tranquility of our moment was heavenly and filled my insides with faith. Joshwin and I were making the right choices for our lives, even though we had our problems.

Voices multiplied from downstairs, and dinner would have to be ready soon. Outside in the hall, we both looked over the banister to see almost every family member in our communal room. This was odd. I didn't know we were having dinner together. I noticed Blake's door was open. I was sure it was closed when I went to have a shower.

I felt the tingle run up my spine as I told Joshwin I would be a moment. “What are you doing here?” I asked pleased leaning against the frame of the door to Blake's room.

“I have no idea. I am just a fucking puppet at your house. Believe it or not, your dad called. He told me there were things to be said, and that I would want to hear them. Those were his words, not mine. I honestly think he's gone nuts,” Blake grinned nervously.

“Hey!” I complained. “But are you serious?” I frowned.

“Yes.”

“Blake, that makes no sense.”

“You're telling me. I thought my head would explode when I heard it was him. I would bet he wanted to warn me to stay the hell away from you and then tells me to come over for tea... I don't drink tea,” Blake snickered.

“Yeah, I've noticed,” I laughed.

“So what is going on?”

“Something strange,” I mumbled. My parents arguing, the people downstairs, and now Kasardian was calling Blake! This was beyond weird. I closed the door to have a single, private kiss before going downstairs. One kiss ended with three. Blake took a deep breath against my neck, then he hummed slightly before he released me.

I left Blake's room alone, while he waited a few minutes in order to be inconspicuous. We played by the rules and kept discrete. Downstairs, strange things were definitely brewing. Mom was edgy, my dads were twitching nervously and dinner was not on the table. Not even cooking in the kitchen. In generally there was a nervous humming energy to the entire gathering. Instinctively, I knew this would be the time we learned the truth about us. Blake greeted Chrystan while I found Joshwin. One look at his face told me that he also knew a bomb was about to drop on us. I took his hand and settled on his lap, hugging my legs to my chest. Family members filled the room, took seats and lined the walls. Mom stood proud in front of the fireplace when she called attention to her.

“There is something important I want to talk to you all about. It is time that you all know the choices that has brought us here. I know Elvie, you are already suspicious and you are right. Norahla, Avendia and I have agreed it is time to tell all of you the truth.”

“First we need you all to understand none of us are unhappy with our choice, but we live here because of our choice.” Mom swallowed hard and took Dad's hand. I felt Joshwin's arms tighten nervously around my waist. His chin rested against my shoulder and I could hear his breath come and go, tensed.

“The reason we moved here is because of Elvirina and Joshwin. The truth is the Oracle wanted to split you up shortly after you were given to each other,” Mom’s eyes were locked on Joshwin and I. My insides turned to ice chips as I slowly curved my body to watch Joshwin. He stared bluntly and horrified back at me.

“No matter what, I love you.” He whispered rash in my head.

“No matter what, you’re my soul.” I mouthed back and rested my face against his forehead. We braced ourselves for what was coming next. A deep darkness crept along the wall, like a treat to my blissful joy, waiting to strike like a viper.

Mom continued, “Avendia and I wouldn't let them. We defied the The Wise Men and the council of Elders. We defied the Oracle. They had no right to tear you apart.”

“But why would they?” I asked bluntly. What would be the reason for such a horrible action? I kept my words short. Joshwin, Blake and I had many secrets to keep and right now there were simply too many people at my house. Too many eyes and ears.

“In Hananjii they proclaimed you were a wrong fit. The Oracle said that you were a mistake,” Mom answered evenly. There was no trace of her normal depth or her warm heart.

“But we're not,” I argued back. If one thing I was sure of in this life was that Joshwin belonged to me. His arms tightened around my waist. Even with what we had been through, no matter the depth of our problems, we belonged together. He knew it and so did I!

“I know.” Mom's face was stoic. I had never seen her look so majestic. I saw a glimmer of the woman she would have been if we lived where we were supposed to. “The Oracle saw the only option of tearing you apart. I saw us leaving.”

“Would you really go against everything we believe in, just to keep us together?” The foundation for such drastic measures seemed a little thin, at least from where I sat.

She paused for a long time and looked at me with eyes like steel. “No. I also foresaw you dying for someone who doesn’t belong to us... if we stayed,” she amended in the end. My heart lurched to a halt. Shit! Only a handful of people in this room knew about my suicide attempt, and even less knew about Blake and me.

“Someone not belonging to us and me dying,” I muttered under my breath. I glanced at Blake through my lashes. It was like he was trying to blend in with the wall. He was still as a stone. This second we both understand why Kasardian had called him here today.

“But that is all in the past now. Nothing is going to happen,” Mom said over the too-quiet crowd. I looked to Serenity and Saddettin, who stared deadly at me. They sat fossil-like in their seats, holding their breath. Underneath me, Joshwin sat stiff as a board. It already happened, what would have caused our break and my death had happened!

I had so many questions for my mom, but I didn't want to risk asking in front of the others. I played this information like it was no big deal. There were many changes on the way, I would be subtle and ask my questions in a forum where they belonged, with my family privately.

“Thank you for telling us mom,” I said attempting to close the subject.

“You’re welcome daughter,” she smiled ruefully and turned to my dad. He hadn't softened beside her in the slightest.

“What consequences did that have for you?” Serenity continued. Her pose was tense as she slowly whipped her hair behind her shoulder. I really wish she hadn't asked, but she was generally too nosy to let something like this slide.

The three women in front of us all sighed at the same time. Also our dads seemed gloomy too. It was as if a ghost walked through the room. “We all gave the right up to have more children. They wouldn't allow us without their knowledge.”

“That's why we don't have the brothers and sisters we were supposed to? That's all?” Serenity continued. I had a feeling that missing numbers of family members wasn't a 'that's all'.

Mom's sad eyes moved over the crowd and stopped at Saddettin. I knew he was more involved than he lead on. He cleared his throat. “No,” Saddettin said carefully.

“What is it?” Serenity’s voice was tiny. Her chocolate eyes were wide and soaked with worry. Saddettin carefully drew a finger down the side of her face, before he spoke softly and lovingly to her.

“It was my choice to come here. Technically I've never been viewed as your soul mate in Hananjii.” He let his dark hand rest at the base of her fair neck. He used his other hand to drive her closer for protection.

“What?” Serenity mumbled appalled and teary.

“I refused to let them break our bond. I wouldn't let them take you from me.” I wondered shortly if Joshwin looked so lovingly at me when he spoke. Saddettin's devotion to Serenity went beyond soul deep. I felt intrusive just watching them now. He put his lips to hers in a soft brush against her mouth.

“They would have done that?” She asked. A tear trickled from her eye as she blinked. Saddettin caught it with his lips as he kissed her cheek.

“Yes they did. It doesn't matter now. We know what we are.” He smiled tenderly and caught another tear from the other eye with his finger. “Don't cry my love, there is nothing to fear.”

“I wouldn't have you as my soul mate.” Serenity mumbled. She curled smaller on his lap and huddled closer to him. Saddettin stroked her back and I had to tear my eyes from them.

“So to sum this up, we’re complete outcasts?” I said. Anger started to flare inside of me.

“Not exactly,” Mom answered. The deadly silence continued for long, agonizing minutes.

Against my shoulder I felt Joshwin’s heart pound in his chest, but he was completely silent. I felt his eyes boring into my face. Something was going through his mind. Painful things, it was written all over face. I was sure of what I knew. He was mine and I was his... but perhaps Joshwin didn't feel as secure as I did?

“What about Illian?” Serenity asked worried.

“Saphée-Sarai has been given the same choice as I. Though, to be honest I don't know what her answer was,” Saddettin said.

Luam answered, “She wouldn't let them separate her and Illian either. They are safe and together.”

Chrystan intervened, “Where does that leave me?” He moved from the wall next to Blake and stepped closer to the crowd. “Could I ever go there? I mean, I’m not sure I want to be alone for the rest of my life.”

“You don't have to son,” Selan spoke. “It is only the soul mates they appointed that disregarded their stature, you can go there whenever you wish. We all understand there is nothing for you here.” Chrystan nodded. Joshwin smiled tensed at his older brother. Joshwin and I had known our entire life we belonged together. Chrystan had expected to go back and by the look on his face, he was planning to do it soon. School was almost over for him and it would be suitable. What would it cost him to have been told today that he was unwelcome? Another thing I would feel guilty about. Would we have been the cause for Chrystan to be forced to live a life in solitude?

“It is important that you all know you can return whenever we wish. We are not banned nor are we unwanted. Things simply changed when we chose not to have our home there.”

“Mom?” Serenity said. Her voice still tread thin, but more recovered. “Why are we here? I mean, if the problem was Joshwin and Elvie that has nothing to do with us.”

“You are right daughter, but I chose this path for our family as a friend to Sibilla. Finally, I didn't approve that everyone wanted to disown a pair of soul mates for no apparent reason. I didn’t like it any more than Sibilla did.”

“That's it?” Serenity said unconvinced.

“That is it. Yes,” Norahla answered.

“Why is Blake here?” Serenity's eyes ran cold as they shifted to Blake for a short second.

Dad's voice was cutting as Serenity threw a mean snort into the room. “He is a friend of this house. A trusted friend of both Joshwin and Chrystan. He also just happened to be here. There should be no more secrets in this house, and not to Blake either.” My hard- wound insides softened when I realized what Kasardian was doing. As a part of our forgiveness last night, he was giving Blake a chance. He was showing him the same courtesy as Joshwin by letting him hear all this information first hand. Though, dad’s frame was still hard, rigid in his pose beside my mom. Were there still secrets?

Mom closed the meeting and I was happy to see the company that I didn't want to talk to, disappear. Deep inside me of me, I was happy mom and Avendia had put their foot down and stood up for us when the Oracle supposedly proclaimed Joshwin and I were wrong for each other.

I slipped off Joshwin's lap. His face pearly white, basically covered in fear. Blake held his frozen stance at the wall. Stunned and dragged deeply into a world he wasn't prepared to understand one bit of. I had to make a choice. Who did I go to first? The one who was scared to death or the one who didn't understand?

I twined my fingers around Joshwin's familiar hand and let my way past Blake. “Upstairs,” I said under my breath when I passed him. Joshwin held on to my hand hard as we ascended the stairs.

I closed the door behind us. So much had to be said and so little order inside my head.

“You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine. I knew I signed on for weird and freaky. By the looks of it, I am not the one you need to worry about,” Blake said looking at Joshwin’s chalky face. I was in way over my head, and I didn’t know what to do. Joshwin sat down on the bed, ghostly pale. Blake was right.

“Joshwin you know they are wrong,” I tried to soothe. I looked at Blake leaning against the wall by the door.

“I know,” Joshwin answered bleakly. He didn't convince me one bit that he believed a word I just said. Terror was deeply embedded in his eyes. He dumped his head in his hands.

“Elvia, I need to go. I have a game tonight,” Blake interrupted my staring at Joshwin. “So if you have something to say... now's the time. Or I will be late.”

“No,” I mumbled. I couldn't find the solution fast enough in my head to solve the chaos unraveled to us. Only being able to see a fraction of Joshwin's torn face trough his fingers it was hard to evaluate his thoughts. Blake blocked my view, demanding my attention. He had his back to Joshwin.

“Read my mind,” he mouthed, with no trace of sound. I let my eyes bore into his, expecting it to be hard to access his mind, but I flowed right through. “Talk to him. I don't know what the fuck I am supposed to do and I don't know him that well, but I am not the one in need of attention. Call me when he feels better. I'll stay away until then. I don't know the rules I'm supposed to play by, so I am making them up as I go. You have to tell me if there is something I am supposed to do.” Blake drew a tender finger down the side of my face. “I love you... I'll see you soon,” he said the last few words out loud. I had to admit, though he proclaimed not to know this game he was playing, he was doing a pretty awesome job.

“I'll see you,” I mumbled.

I slumped to my knees in front of Joshwin. This information was like lead in his system. Would this make him break? “Joshwin we know that they are wrong.”

“I know,” he said unwilling to move his hand from his face. He didn't look at me. I curled my fingers around his.

“Listen to me,” I begged, distressed.

“No, Elvie. Can you give me a few minutes alone? I just... I need to be alone.” He eased his fingers from mine. I could see agony on his face, but I couldn't decipher it. I was lost... Joshwin not talking to me, I didn't know where to go from here.

My heart dropped to my stomach. “Fine, just call me when you're ready.”

“I will.” Pressing my lips to his hair, he didn't move an inch. Downstairs was already empty. Not finding who I was looking for, I ran across the courtyard. I really needed my friend to help me to see reason. I knocked their door quietly.

Saddettin opened. I was a little flabbergasted he was bare-chested. He held the door opened, but didn’t offer me entry like he usually would. “Elvirina? Do you want something?” He asked quietly. I glanced past him, to see Serenity curled up on the bed sobbing. I suddenly felt horrible selfish for thinking that he would have time to bother with my antics now. My mouth was dry as gravel when I spoke around it.

“No. I just wanted to see how Serenity was feeling,” I lied. Why did I dare to think I was the only one in distress?

“I'll be fine,” Serenity said between snorts.

Saddettin looked gravely at me. “Give her some time,” he said, almost protectively. “We need a little space, my friend.” He kept his stance at the door, and I understood that right now I was unwelcome. I was intruding on their privacy.

“Okay.” I backed away from the door and Saddettin shut it. Bumping against the banister I realized this was something I would have to handle alone. Joshwin, at this moment wasn't capable of devoting his attention to soothe my discomfort. Saddettin’s eyes were completely turned in on Serenity. Chrystan wouldn't have a clue what or how Joshwin was feeling. Blake would be in over his head because he was so new to our culture. I drew in a deep breath and faced the facts. I needed to grow the hell up and take care of what was mine. And this moment the person I was supposed to protect was feeling like crap and I was gone seeking help for my own sake.

I found Dew in the kitchen fixing sandwiches and drinks. I mingled in, stealing half of what he had already done. I took the tray upstairs, ready to talk to Joshwin. The door to my room was open, but no Joshwin to be found. I left the food searching for him. Knocking the door to his room I heard a scramble of something before I was invited in. “I got some food for us,” I said.

“I'm not hungry,” Joshwin answered, leaning in on his elbows. He was sitting in front of his desk. His face was still bleak and deeply troubled. I closed the space between us. My hands wrapped around his head as it felt him lean against my stomach. “I always knew you weren't supposed to be mine,” he murmured darkly. Hands moved around my back as he hugged me.

“How can you say that?”

“The one person who never makes mistakes said that we are a mistake.” He glanced up at me through his lashes.

“Wouldn't that be up to us to decide?” I spoke softly. Joshwin pulled his head back from my embrace and looked up at me for the longest moments, his blue eyes were piercing.

“After what you just heard, do you still not have doubts about us?”

“Not a single one, Joshwin.” He let his head fall back against me, hugging me crushingly close.

“Let’s go have something to eat.”

Joshwin ate a few bites probably only to console my pushing for him to eat more. He was deadly silent for the rest of the night. He literally crawled into the sheets and curled in over himself. He dozed off, leaving me a few minutes to get a few more answers.

I found Mom and Dad in her room. “Joshwin is really upset,” I said.

“I know daughter,” Dad answered.

“I don't know what to do?” I battled the coming tears. They would do absolutely no good this moment. I hated being such a baby, I hated being so helpless.

“Just be there for him. It is all you can do.”

I nodded. “Mom...” I heaved in a deep breath, uncertain if I could stand more bad news today. “Downstairs... was that the whole truth?” My eyes locked on her familiar green shade.

“Focus on Joshwin. He is going through a lot.” The multiple layers in her answer were deafening. I needed to be by his side, just as he had been by mine every step of the way.

Still covered by the sheets and melted into fetal mode, he was breathing heavily in the bed. I crawled under the sheets, glad to feel his hands urgently pulling me closer. I snuggled into his body. He dozed off again. I couldn’t fall asleep.  My thoughts kept circling that fact that basically Joshwin and I were to blame for everyone denying themselves their home. It weighed like cement in my chest. I had known something wasn't right, but that Joshwin and I had been the center of their departure from Hananjii, that I hadn't expected in a million years. All of this was bad enough. Though, where did that leave us with Blake? I had clue. He would just have to wait. He said he was fine. I needed to trust that and focus on my soul mate. I needed Joshwin closer. I huddled into a tighter and more urgent embrace, staying put for the length of the night.

The news took another toll on Joshwin. It took several days for him to recover from the blow. I did my best to cheer him up, but there wasn't much that seemed to work. He was silent as the grave. Often, he was locked in his room. I couldn't reach him. Normally he was the one that was so good with words and emotions and now he chose to be silent. He completely sealed me out. I was in deep and my legs were cramping from treading water. I forced him to spend a day with Saddettin to push some sense into him. He couldn't let this depressing revelation steal his soul. They had been wrong, just like mom had said. I only wished I could make him see that. No matter what I did, nothing worked.

The silence continued for days. The only thing that changed were the addition of bruises on his knuckles, and sleep deprivation that left evidence on his beautiful face. He refused to talk to me. The only thing telling me he wasn't completely dead were the nights where he held me so tight I could hardly breathe.

Friday I fished his phone from his pant's pocket. I listened to the water in my bathroom while I punched the number. I would have a few minutes to make a call. I didn't want to bother or upset him further by asking if it was okay to call Blake. But I missed Blake horribly, and I wished he could help me.

“Hello.”

“Blake,” I sighed, relieved to hear his husky voice. It erased a fraction of the tension in my chest. The frustration was turning my lungs into an iron cage.

“Elvia?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh... finally you call. I was getting really worried. I thought you were giving me the cold shoulder for bailing on you like that. I didn't want to be a stick in the wheel.”

“Thanks. Things are not really that great. Joshwin is still really upset and nothing I seem to do helps.” I slumped tiredly onto the bed. I really wished something would help. Everything was too dark and gloomy. It was impossible to see the positive side of anything.

“That bad?” Blake asked.

“Yeah. Worse.”

“I had a feeling. He's been avoiding me at school too. He's really hard to catch. Chrystan mentioned it, but Chrys isn't much for playing around with words so...”

“I know,” I sighed again.

“You want me to come over after school?” The hopeful tenor sweeping through his tone was unmistakable.

“No... not yet.” I hated dismissing him, but I had to. Joshwin needed more time. “How are you holding up?” I diverged.

“I'm fine. Just miss you, that's all.”

“I miss you too.”

Blake paused for a moment. “What about you?”

“I'm good. I'm not rattled at all. I just wish Joshwin would see that things are fine. That there was no mistake.”

It was silent for a long few moments. I knew why. It was too bizarre for Blake to lead a conversation about my relationship to Joshwin. “Let me know if there is anything I can do for you,” he finally answered.

The water in the shower was cut off. “I gotta go.”

“Talk to you soon.” I hung up at the same time Joshwin entered the room.

“Who are you talking to?” He asked evenly.

“Blake.” Joshwin said nothing, only nodded and finished for school. He was slipping further from me with each passing minute. I needed to do something, and soon.

The days that followed were like the ones that just passed. Everyone said I should leave him be and just wait. They said that he would get over it, but all I could ask myself was when? I wanted my old Joshwin back. The one who was happy and smiling. Even the one spending a day plotting the best way to tease or humiliate me. But that person was far gone, completely beyond reach.

I tried telling him I missed him, that I loved him, that they were wrong. Joshwin's answer was he knew they were wrong. Not an ounce of what I did convinced him. The night was the same as the others. Silent, but I was tightly engulfed on his protective arms.

“Joshwin, are you up?” Chrystan banged heartlessly at our door. It was Saturday and an entire day of useless attempts of getting Joshwin to understand they were wrong. I was not looking forward to the failure again.

“Not really,” he grumbled from beside me. Chrystan waited for no further reply, and tore the door open. I was thrilled PJ's were in style and I was wearing them.

“Get up. Get dressed. I've had it with your moping,” Chrystan said, leaning against the door, not at all swayed by the fact we were still in bed.

“I'm not moping,” said Joshwin darkly.

“Whatever you are doing, I am changing those plans and you are coming with me.”

“So what are we doing?” Joshwin sat up looking sourly at his brother.

“Car shopping.”

“Why?” Joshwin answered with a grumpy grimace.

“Er... I'm not sure. But Blake will pick us up soon. You've got thirty minutes.” Chrystan slammed the door behind him. I followed his heavy footsteps down the stairs. Joshwin's blue eyes were like stone on my face.

“I had nothing to do with this,” I defused, but worrying what the hell was going on.

“Okay,” he answered bleakly. Joshwin showered quickly, while I tried to sort out motives what Blake was doing. But I was sure he had a plan.

As Chrystan warned, Blake showed up half an hour later, wearing a confident smile and a tight black shirt that made my mind wander. He was at the porch grinning with Chrystan when I arrived downstairs. I was shocked when I saw the deterioration on his face. It had been a while since we'd spent five days away from each other, and it had taken his toll on his face.

“Joshwin's upstairs. I'll show you,” I said as casually as manageable, but my heart fluttered eagerly. I needed to hold him, feed him energy that would make the darkness disappear from his face. Blake eagerly followed pretending to be interested in Joshwin's company more than mine. Chrystan couldn't know what truly was going on. The door barely closed to Blake's room when he lowered his head seeking a patch of bare skin at my neck. Warm lips kissed my throat making the tingle intensify. It sent a shiver down my spine.

“What the hell are you doing?” I mumbled trying to ignore how good it felt to be cushioned in Blake's warmth. A hand, carefree, smoothed up under my shirt, tracing my spine. He hugged me flush to his body eagerly.

“I hijacked Chrystan to go looking at cars. I asked if he thought Joshwin wanted to come. He would say no if I asked him directly and deny how much he really digs my car., Blake mumbled against my neck. I was surprised by his very direct approach and tilted my head out of the way for more of his kissing.

“So you used Chrystan?” I whispered, running my hands up his strong back.

“Basically yes... do you mind?” He muttered moving up toward my jaw. I locked my arms around him, rejecting the craving I had to push my hands under his shirt.

“No,” I rasped, my mind fogging from persuasive touches.

“He is doing something nice for me... so I thought I might do something for him,” Blake shrugged and reached my mouth.

“So what are you really doing?” I sighed. It felt incredible to be touched like this. Blake really wanted me and he wasn’t shy about letting me know.

“Strip clubs, casinos... that sort of thing.” He grinned, mocking.

“Ha ha.”

“Nah... we are just doing guy stuff. Cars – nothing more, nothing less,” he whispered, less than an inch form my lips. I claimed his mouth and parted my lips as his tongue swept in to caress mine. I loved the taste of his demanding mouth.

The three of them took off and didn't return until after dinner. It was hard to imagine Joshwin and Blake spending time together. So it was a relief to know Chrystan was oblivious, and among them if subjects became precarious and a mediator was needed. I chewed my thumb nails to the skin waiting for them to return. I spent a little time with Serenity, fighting the urge to inform her of what was really going on. I hated lying to her, but for now I wouldn't break the alignment to Joshwin and Blake. The truth would come out soon enough.

A sleek, black car pulled into the courtyard and my heart throbbed in anticipation. I missed Joshwin, and I was dying to see the state he would return home in.

“So how did it go?” I asked, when I was greeted with a few kisses from him that were warmer than the ones I had been receiving the past few days.

“Fine,” Joshwin smiled a fraction. “No, it was good actually.” Blake stayed at the car with Chrystan, and I eyed him nervously for a moment. I focused on Joshwin's face again.

“I'm glad.” I was relieved, his facial muscles were actually capable to produce a smile on his beautiful face.

“Yeah... Blake told me to tell you the strip club was fun.”

“You didn't,” I snapped. My face paled imagining Joshwin in a place like that. Nasty, hungry girls pawing at him, with horrible, deep red painted lips.

Joshwin grinnedloudly. “He was right, you did fall for it.” He tautened incredulously.

“Shut up,” I groaned. That only enhanced his amusement. I thrilled to see this tiny fraction of life in Joshwin eyes. The blue drifted lighter, closer to how I knew him. He stepped into the house.

“Thanks,” I smiled at Blake on the porch and when Chrystan gone. I locked my fingers into his.

“You're welcome. If Joshwin's not happy, you're not happy. And if you're not happy, I am not happy. So it was my pleasure.”

“One thing... if you ever do take him to a strip club I will lock you in a room with Serenity and Kasardian – together,” I threatened.

“I can't believe you fell for that,” he grinned pleased.

“Whatever,” I growled.

Tensions eased after that day. Joshwin still refused to talk about what it meant to him that our families had moved here because of us. But he slowly started to return to his 'normal', quieter self.  It wasn't the deadly-silent-no-emotions Joshwin. He was less meticulous at avoiding Blake and when he was here, they spoke like actual friends. The more faith Joshwin regained in us, the easier everyday life became again and the more hope I felt waiting for Blake's answer. I hadn't asked for one, but every time he came by, my insides fluttered that he just might say yes or no, but he didn't. I was learning a new skill. Patience.