Chapter 4: Disaster

Elvirina

Walking the hall second day of school was almost a perfect replica of the day before. The only difference was today a few people chose not to stare at us.

I was electrically aware our first class was over and Caleb Blake would be there. We found seats in the back just like yesterday. I was warned a fraction of a second before Blake stepped into the room. The electrical tingle grew stronger the closer he got. His strong jaw tightened when he saw me. It looked like he gritted his teeth. I put up the black walls in my mind, before Joshwin would have a chance to react.

I sat motionless and watched the back of his neck. The moment I was finally able to pull my eyes off Blake, I accidentally exchanged looks with a girl who sat not far from him. She shot me a hateful glare and I couldn't stop myself from entering her mind. “Of course, she goes for Caleb Blake. It's not like her own kind is dog food, so why go after the hottest guy in the entire school? She'll probably end up killing him… or something.” I shut my eyes and stopped the flow of useless information filtering into my brain. I tried to pay attention to the teacher for the first time, but the words didn't register in my mind. All I could think about was the electric current that seemed to flow between Blake and me. A few times, he turned and watched me for a few seconds.

The bell rang and Blake left the room before Serenity and I were out of our seats. I slowly assembled my books and followed Serenity out to the hall. She chatted aimlessly about the chess game from yesterday and I paid her little attention. My mind was stuck on Blake.

I stopped at my locker to pick up a few books and noticed Joshwin stalking down the hall toward us. He looked pissed and distressed. Oh, crap!

“Elvirina... I was so worried,” he gushed, when he was within hearing range. I realized that I still had the black walls up. From the corner of my eye, I noticed Serenity stare at us in blunt disbelief. Joshwin grabbed me in a bear hug throwing his arm tightly around me. This was the closest we had physically been, since I had started changing and I was not left unaffected.

“I'm fine,” I breathed with my face pressed against his collarbone. I smelled nature on his skin and I almost kissed his neck just as he released me from his iron grip. I leaned back against the lockers to keep from stumbling into him.

“I can't feel you,” he whispered intensely, bowing down slightly, stopping just inches from my face. His words registered in my head and I let the black walls dissolve. A giant smile commandeered his perfect face and he leaned closer and placed his hands on each side of my face, cradling it. “Are you doing that?” His eyes burned into mine when he asked.

“Yes,” I admitted, hazed by our proximity. It wasn't like I could lie when he asked me directly. I felt a tiny electrical tingle touch my skin.

“Why?” he demanded in his alluring voice. His eyebrows arched up, wondering, while he held my attention with him.

“Caleb Blake.” My mouth answered without permission from my brain. The depth of emotion in Joshwin's ocean blue eyes hypnotized me. The electricity grew slightly stronger and started snaking up my spine. Even his name brought the current to my skin.

“Who?” Joshwin asked confused. His breath feathered past my face. Just a few more inches and my lips would touch his.

“My... er, friend from the buddy system,” I muttered, but all I could think was what it would feel like if he finally kissed me.

“Are you blocking me... on purpose?” Joshwin asked, sweetly and seductive. He could sell ice on Antarctica with that voice. I blinked fiercely to make the world stop spinning.

“Yes.” The electricity intensified protectively, but all I saw was Joshwin moisten his lower lip.

The bell rang, calling me back to reality. I looked around and saw Serenity stare at us with her mouth hanging open. Around us, groups of students pretended to be busy doing something, but none of them spoke. I realized what this looked like to them. A couple fighting, like I was being scolded by my boyfriend, rather than me hanging on every word escaping Joshwin's perfect, luscious lips.

I noticed just how heavy my breath was and instantly, I tried to center myself to make it less obvious just how much I longed for Joshwin to touch me.

“We'll be late for class.” Serenity's bell-like voice intervened. I ducked under Joshwin's arms and quietly closed my locker. I still felt the electric tingle running up my spine loud and clear.

“Let's go.” I said a tad bit sour. I had a feeling Joshwin knew exactly what he was doing to me and I didn't appreciate it, well, not in public at least. At home, he could do whatever he wanted. I turned in the direction of our next class and stopped in a heartbeat, when I saw Blake about ten lockers down. He slammed his locker shut and stalked off in the opposite direction, but not before he threw a menacing glare at Joshwin and a concerned one at me. I knew he saw the exact same thing everybody else did... me, being yelled at by my giant boyfriend. The tingling sensation decreased as Blake vanished down the hall. The fact that we were having a public quarrel, which wasn't the truth at all and being Thumánn, didn't make the gossip any less juicy.

I spend the next hour feeling guilty that I had purposely blocked Joshwin because this was unacceptable behavior. Joshwin was my soul mate and I trusted him with my life. There wasn’t anything that I wanted to keep from him. I promised myself that I would never ever block him again.

“What was that all about?” Serenity asked when we were in the bathroom.

“I wish that I knew,” I admitted. I didn't really know what was happening to me. I didn’t understand Blake and with Joshwin everything was still so new. Lying wasn't something that I practiced, but somehow I was leaning closely up against it. It made me sick on the inside.

“Your transformation started... right?” Serenity asked with an amused look. I didn't want to be her entertainment also.

“I think so,” I bit my lip waiting for the taunting to start.

“What's it like?” Her eyes were intrigued studying my face, but she didn't laugh at me.

“Frustrating,” I admitted flatly. That was exactly what it was. Serenity's soul mate hadn't made an appearance yet and she was dead set on finishing school before going to him. If he had the same plan, it would be approximately one and a half year until they meet. She didn't have the luxury of having her soul mate next door as I did.

At lunch, a hopeful Nikki came to sit at our table. It looked like she was still counting on us being her meal ticket. Little did she know that as soon as we were old news, she would starve to death if she kept counting on us as nourishment. Chrystan and Illian were making generous conversation with her, making her feel welcome and Serenity sporadically joined in. I was busy trying not to stare at Joshwin and not search for Blake in my peripheral vision. To my luck, he didn't show.

In my fifth class of the day, I was finally able to focus on our teacher and actually participate in class. Our biology teacher ended the class handing out tomorrow’s assignment. We parted with Joshwin and headed for our English class and he for his history class. I missed him as soon as he was out of sight, so I focused on paying Serenity some much needed attention. I had been ignoring her for the past week. I had been so busy in my head with my own issues that I had practically forgotten all about her.

Serenity seemed happy to be at the center of attention again and asked if I wanted to go to the river this afternoon. I promised I would.

English had barely begun when there was a soft knock on the door. Our teacher opened and I was stunned to see Joshwin standing in the hall. His face was pale and his eyes were darker somehow. He found me and I knew something was wrong. Horribly wrong.

“Yes,” our teacher prodded.

“I need to have Serenity and Elvirina excused from class,” Joshwin said dryly. He handed my teacher a note and looked at Serenity. I noticed that she was staring at something behind Joshwin and the blood drained from her face. My eyes followed the same direction as hers. I saw Illian crying and Chrystan just behind him.

“I see.” Mr. Crawford said quietly, after he read the note. He turned to us. “Elvirina and Serenity, you should go with...” He trailed of when he realized that he didn't know Joshwin's name.

“Joshwin,” he filled in, without taking his eyes off Serenity.

“Right... you should bring your books girls.” I could tell by my teacher’s face that my assumption was right. Something was horribly, horribly wrong. I slowly closed my books and stacked them in a pile, but Serenity didn't move an inch. My heart told me she knew that this was about her and not me. I just stared at her.

After a few frozen moments, Joshwin entered the classroom and went to Serenity's table. He quietly closed her books. Serenity's eyes were on Joshwin's face trying to read it.

“Come on, sweetheart,” Joshwin said softly and pulled her up by the arm. She followed woodenly and leaned on him. I took her books along with my own. I studied Joshwin's face surreptitiously hoping to find the answer to what was so dreadfully wrong, but he gave nothing away. Our teacher came out to the hall with us where headmistress Quellan was waiting. I hadn't noticed her. She addressed Serenity and only her. Clearly, Illian had already been informed. He was still sobbing and refusing any help that Chrystan offered.

“Serenity, I am so sorry to inform you that your father has died.” I saw her face fade to an even paler shade of gray. Tears filled Serenity’s chocolate eyes.

“Which one?” she asked with tears trailing down her beautiful face. Headmistress Quellan looked a bit uncomfortable. To humans, the three-father thing was a bit odd, but it did matter who it was because she had lost a father. However, if it was her spiritual father, she might be losing a mother as well. Soul mates rarely survived without each other.

“Vasvár,” Quellan said with a grave looking face.

“No,” she cried out loud and turned into Joshwin's arms. He hugged her close and tried to comfort her while she kept crying, “No, no, no.” She chanted it like the rhythm of a song.

I stood frozen in the middle of the hall. I felt my heart fall apart for my best friend. Joshwin's eyes found mine and he felt what I felt. Illian, with pain written over his face, reached for his little sister. He pulled her into his arms and whispered something in her ear.

With his arms free, Joshwin put them around me. I tucked my head into the base of his neck and started crying. We had lost one of our own. I had never known anyone who died. How did you handle something like that? How would Serenity and Illian ever recover? The grief overshadowed everything and violent tremors rattled my body.

Chrystan drove the car home. The only sound was the heartbroken sobs from the five mourning people in the car. I sat in the middle with Serenity hugged close to my side. I had no words to comfort her, so I just stroked her hair over and over again. I felt slightly more at ease when we entered the forest because it was easier to breathe here. I could feel the pulse of life help beat my aching heart.

Chrystan pulled the car in to the courtyard. All our dads sat in a long row on the steps of my front porch. If this wasn't so sad, it would have been comical. Two people in the car were missing a dad. There was nothing funny about that.

Luam, Serenity's spiritual father rose from the steps as soon as he saw the car. He was just as blond and lean as Illian and Serenity. She stormed into his arms like a small child when the car was at full stop. Luam softly kissed his daughter’s forehead and looked into her eyes with heartfelt compassion. Illian stayed behind, his brown eyes unseeingly on the ground. Luam put his arm around his Serenity and walked over to Illian. “Son,” he said and kissed his forehead the same way he had Serenity's. Illian obviously fought the pushing tears.

I followed behind Joshwin getting out of the car. He gave my hand a squeeze before he went to join the long row of men sitting on the porch. Chrystan sat down next to Joshwin. Frozen, I watched all the sorrow painted faces framing my house. I had never in my life seen anything like this.

Going over all the faces, I noticed Junius sitting in the middle of the row. Kasardian sat next to him. Junius had his head in his hands and his clothes were covered in dark drying blood. My knees knocked the ground, when I slumped down in front of him. “You're in my heart,” I murmured solemnly. My voice was twisted with tears. Junius' blood stained face was darkened with mourning. I could smell the blood that covered his shirt. It smelled like death and love at the same time. “I know you loved him.” A few bleak words were all that I could offer him.

Kasardian put his hand on my shoulder. “You should join your mother.” Though I had never known anyone who died, I knew it was customary for women to handle this part. I turned to Serenity because she would need me for this. After all, it was her father.

“Go now, daughter,” Luam said to Serenity and gave her a nudge toward my house. I took her hand and she trudged behind me into the house. The porch and floor inside were all stained with blood. I was not ready for the sight that we found on the living room floor. I felt Serenity's hand grasp mine in a hard iron lock. Vasvár was on the floor in the middle of the room. Three women, our mothers, were on kneeling around him with blood stained cloths in their hands. Vasvár was undressed with a white piece of fabric covering his private area. His hair flowed onto the floor and some places in clots from the drying blood. His arms were stretched out from his body. His face a deadly gray and his eyes were closed. I quickly realized how he had died. His stomach was completely ripped open and torn apart and several parts of his insides were showing in a disgusting scarlet explosion. He had been impaled through his abdomen. I felt vomit rise to the back of my mouth. I had to swallow back hard. It tasted sour and foul.

Serenity tucked her face onto my shoulder and sobbed hard, but her entire body shook silently. We were only seventeen years old. We knew what we needed to do and what was expected of us. It took a while for Serenity to recover enough to speak.

“Mom,” she croaked weakly.

“Come join us, daughter.” Norahla answered her daughter solemnly. Norahla was almost as blond as Serenity and had the same thick white lashes. Serenity knelt beside her mother and started washing her father’s skin clean of the blood that had drained from his dead body and dirt from Earth. I couldn't make my feet move and the bile was pushing harder against my throat.

“Breathe through your mouth, dear.” My mother commanded. I obeyed. It did make the whole thing a fraction easier and not having to smell the blood was a relief. In silence, we cleaned the body and readied Vasvár for his funeral.

When Vasvár's body was cleaned from the blood and gore, the men were allowed into the house again. While the women had cleaned the body, Norahla's soul mate, Luam and son Illian had found a place deep in the forest to lay his body to rest. He would be given back to Earth, where he came from. We packed the body in a white sheet, reading him for his last journey. In my room, I stripped naked, washed ritually and changed into my simple white dress used for rituals. I hadn't worn it much.

I found my mother in her room also in the process of ritually washing and changing. I sat down on her bed waiting for her to finish. With her back to me, I studied the intricate tattoo running up her spine. My dad had made it when they had their commitment ceremony. The patterns swirled beautifully in and out between her vertebrates. It must have hurt when the tattoo had been done. I guess you could call the tattooing our form of a wedding band. Every Thumánn woman had a tattoo along her spine, while every Thumánn male soul mate had them up his forearms. It is a soul mate’s job to put them there at the commitment ceremony. Joshwin would make mine some day and I would make his. The thought made me shutter slightly.

Mom finished washing and pulled her ceremonial dress over her head while letting it fall heavily to the floor. I took her the two necklaces that she had intertwined and handed them to her. The necklaces were tokens of my other two dad’s marriage.

“Thanks.” She gave me a grateful look.

“Mom... I'm scared,” I said in a thick voice.

“There's no reason to be,” Mom replied softly. “But I know this is sad and impossible to understand.”

“What happened to Vasvár?”

“He and Junius were climbing trees and he fell. He hit the stub of a fallen tree.” Her explanation was simple, but it made sense. I had seen with my own eyes that Vasvár had been impaled. Falling from a tree and landing as described would do that. A cold chill ran down my spine thinking about the massive wound on Vasvár's abdomen. I wished I was able to wipe that memory from my brain forever.

“What about Junius?” I asked around the lump in my throat.

“He will be in pain for a while, but his soul will heal eventually. So will Serenity's, Illian's and Norahla's,” She answered in a soothing tone. My mom had always had an aura of calm and healing surrounding her. She was often sought out by people in need of her powers and those who needed healing. She would probably have her hands full for a while.

We walked through the forest in complete silence, as the sun was getting ready to set behind the trees. I touched my bare soles to the Earth and I felt it weep for the soul we had lost today.

Illian, Luam, Kahlár and Junius carefully lowered Vasvár's body into the ground. I looked around and all I saw were faces twisted in pain and aching hearts. As I stood there, it felt like my own heart start to bleed. It was bleeding for Vasvár, Serenity, Illian, Norahla and Junius. It bled for us all. Tears ran down my face in an unstoppable stream.

Norahla elegantly knelt beside her husband’s grave. She took one of her necklaces off and laced it in with a new one that she'd carried to the gravesite. She gently placed the interlaced necklaces on the body that we were giving back to Earth. Norahla sang a soft hymn, which I didn't recognize. I knew she sang it to herself and to her dead husband. She was mourning.

The married men stayed behind to guard Vasvár's body for this first night in the forest. It was tradition to watch over the body of a newly buried person. It was important to ensure no harm came to his body or soul as it passed on to the Garden - our eternal existence.

The rest of us walked home in silence and I felt the Earth pulsate under my soles. I held Serenity's hand firmly in mine hoping she would feel how much I wanted to be there for her. We all had a quiet dinner at our house. Norahla didn't eat anything and excused herself to be alone.

“Can I stay here?” Serenity asked distantly, not facing anybody.

“Our home is your home,” Mom answered.

“Thanks,” she muttered without much sound.

Joshwin and Chrystan along with their mother took Illian with them to their house.

We sat in silence in front of the fire and I hugged my legs to my chest. I felt the warmth of the flames make my skin flush. “I already miss him so much.” Serenity mumbled as I stroked her hair. All energy had evaporated from her voice. I sensed her ache and I wished that I could help her. I looked at my mother and she simply nodded once.

“Let me braid your hair,” she offered. My mother was both intuitive and had healing powers. She could ease Serenity's pain... at least for a short moment.

“You think that will help?” Serenity said sadly. She wiped her eyes with the back of her alabaster hand.

“For a while,” Mom answered.

“Thanks.” Serenity muttered. We laid down shoulder to shoulder, with our heads on the same pillow. Mom found her brush and started to comb Serenity's blond hair in almost endless strides. She pulled the hair up from her head and brushed it over the floor then she did the same to mine. I took Serenity's hand again and held it over my heart hoping this might help her a little. Mom started singing a quiet song of healing, while she worked through the hair. Serenity's almost white locks laid against my raven black tresses. She braided our hair together to ease Serenity's grieving heart for a while.

Later we sat in my room still cloaked in our ceremonial dresses. No one cared to change. “I feel better now,” Serenity said quietly, breaking the silence with her chiming voice.

“I'm glad.”

“How do you think Illian is holding up?” For the first time since school, the tears had stopped.

“I don't know.”

“Can I ask you something?” she asked, looking at me with her big brown eyes.

“Anything.”

“What's it like... having Joshwin feel your every move?”

“Good and bad. It takes some getting used to, but now that I'm changing it can be kind of fun... and embarrassing.” I bit my lip, feeling self-consciousness roll over my skin.

“Embarrassing how?” There was a little more life in her bell-like voice now.

I decided to give her a few details, because it might cheer her up a little. “This morning... remember the guys…”

“Yeah.”

“Well... I sort of had this dream about Joshwin and he knows, because he feels it from me.” I was sure she got my reference as I exaggerated the word dream.

“Oh!” she gasped surprised. Her eyes widening amused.

“Yep,” I narrowed my lips remembering how embarrassing this morning was.

“How does he feel about that?”

“I wouldn't know,” I answered.

“Doesn’t he know your transformation has begun?”

“I don't know that either, but I'm sure he's going to find out soon enough.” I admitted regretfully. That talk would interesting... or something.

“Why's that?” Serenity kept prodding.

“It's getting really hard to keep my hands off him.” That made her laugh slightly and inside I was thrilled that I'd been able to cheer her up a bit.

“I'm really excited for you,” she offered. There was a knock on my window. We both yelped and flew off the bed in shock. My heart pounded violently.

“It's me.” I heard a familiar voice snicker from the other side of the window. I quickly opened the window and let Joshwin in. I didn’t know why I was so startled. He'd done this more times than I could count, but that was before I started changing.

“Hey, Serenity. Mind if steal Elvie from you for an hour?”

His timing couldn't be worse. Serenity needed me here and he didn't need to monopolize my company on this night of sorrow. I was about to turn him down, when I turned toward Serenity. For a second, all the gloom and doom was gone and she mouthed 'go' to me.

“I'll be fine,” she said a little too excited.

“Sure?” I questioned. I suddenly felt nervous at the idea of running out into the night alone with him... and with my raging hormones. I couldn't be trusted.

“Sure.” She said pushing me toward the window.