Chapter 44: A Glimpse of Honesty

Elvirina

Blake took the box with needles from my nightstand and turned it over in his hands a few times. “You really should think about starting a business with this. I mean with your mad skills…” he let the sentence drift.

“Absolutely not.” I cut him off as I mumbled around the toothbrush stuck in my mouth. I glanced at the wishful look on Blake’s face. Oh, it is so obvious. “Do you want to try?”

“I'm not supposed to,” he answered meekly, while reluctantly setting the box back on the table.

I went to the bathroom, spat and rinsed my mouth out. “Since when do you follow any rules?” I asked, when I was in my room again.

“I do follow rules when it comes to yours,” he answered sincerely while he shrugged out of his shirt and dumped it on the floor. He pulled the window further down his soft eyes asking if it was okay. I nodded. Today was one of the few energizing days where there was no trace of the numbing nausea. Outside, it was getting warmer, but the nights were still cold, so I pulled on my PJs. I don't know why I really bothered because they never seemed to stay on for very long, when I was with Blake.

“What if I told you that I didn't want to follow the rules this time?” I crawled into the bed and sat down next to Blake.

“I'll say that I just followed the rule that you weren't following?” Blake drawled, clearly pleased. He threw me one of his infectious smiles that always broke my heart and I didn’t stand a chance in hell of resisting.

“So where do you want one?” I asked delighted at the prospect of doing more artwork today. I had already unleashed my obsession with Joshwin the entire afternoon.

“Not too obvious... somewhere where I can say 'Oh, I've had that for ages' when Kasardian sees it... but I don't want it on my ass, not that there's really any chance of him discovering it there.”

“Hopefully not,” I giggled. I mentally went over every inch of Blake's body when I felt warm fingers working though the buttons of my PJ shirt. An inquisitive hand moved over the small bump at my stomach, while tenderly stroking my belly. Next, his strong hands grasped my hips. He pulled me down on the bed, so that I was lying on my back. I knew his approaches very well. They were always welcome, but I wanted to make my mark on Blake, no matter if I was supposed to or not. I wanted to, so desperately. Though, I would have to do it, so it wouldn't over rule Joshwin.

Blake pushed through my thoughts. “You are a married woman and you still insist in sleeping in PJs. I have to say it’s a turn on having to peel them off.” He opened the last button pushing the fabric aside. He started kissing my neck, while nibbling gently at my skin.

“Shut up,” I whispered, while struggling not to succumb to his seductive hands at the same time that my mind kept wandering back to marking Blake as mine. I couldn't seem to push the idea from my mind. Even though Blake was trying his best to make my mind hazy with want, my mind stayed focused on the tattoo. “How about your inner upper arms?”

“Are you still thinking about the tattoos? Damn, I'm losing my touch,” he groaned theatrically as he leaned over me. “Yeah, that seems like a good idea,” He kept flicking his tongue to my skin kissing me.

“You're not losing your touch,” I raked my teeth over my lip, acknowledging the fluttering in my stomach. I definitely wanted him. “Trust me!”

“Yeah?” His smile was wicked, as he quickly dipped his hand down between my legs and began touching me. “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he said teasingly, while smoothing his thumb over his pointer finger that was clearly wet with the evidence from me. It all happened so fast, before I could react. Belatedly, I playfully shoved his hand away, but he just laughed.

Blake moved flat on his back, while laying his head in my lap as I sat up. His eyes were gleaming up at me. He placed his arm over his head, as he twisted it around me to my back. He ran his fingertips gingerly across my lower back slowly teasing the skin.

“Does it hurt?” He asked and moved a hand up the inside of my open shirt, while tracing the edge of my breast.

“A bit, but I'll be gentle,” I followed the change in my voice. It had gotten all soft and whirring. I wanted to roll my eyes at myself, but with Blake I simply couldn't help it. I pushed his hand away. “Now, focus.”

“I’ll focus alright,” he teased. I chose not to respond.

I unpacked the remedies, opened the small jar of ink and dipped the needle inside. I slid my thumb over the thin tender skin inside Blake’s arm. I kept my eyes on the needle, but I felt Blake's eyes on my face. I pressed the tip against the delicate skin and it easily broke the surface. Blake winced a little and I watched as the ink change the color of his skin. I moved the needle again and punched it through the fine pale skin again. The tingling intensified from Blake, as I started working faster. The humming shaped itself in a familiar and excruciatingly seductive fashion. The whole experience became just one of those strange erotic moments that Blake and I had. His eyes on my face, his smiles and the electricity running between us turned my insides to a boiling liquid of need. It was impossible to finish the tattoo when Blake's free hand kept provoking me with tender touches across my belly, a discrete grace across my breast and a thumb traced gently over my lip. Almost done, I gave up and gave in to the climax that Blake offered. I needed the relief and to have him kill the ache that was building.

I picked up the needle again and held Blake's arm firmly against my leg. “Don't provoke me this time.” I scolded and poked the needle into the skin, perhaps a little too hard.

“Okay,” Blake agreed and hissed. I finished filling the spaces, perfecting the lines and Blake kept perfectly still with a content smile on his lip. He was surprised when I tilted his other arm up and stared on that one too without asking if I was allowed.

Sleep came quickly as it always did these days. I rested my head against my pillow before Blake was done in the bathroom. I only noticed the bed getting warmer and his protective arms holding me close. I was asleep before then.

Dreaming was sweet and innocent before it changed to electrifying and sizzling. I opened my eyes to a sunny room and hands that once again pulled me closer this time with a specific intent. I called the black walls to my mind, closing Blake and I in and giving us our privacy.

“We’re going to be late again,” I mumbled against Blake's hungry lips.

“I don't care.” His words came out rough and hoarse. My underwear vanished and fog took over my mind as I was sucked into the intimacy that Blake provided. “I'll take care of Serenity.” He replied in a deep groan, when my fingers shimmied down the front of his boxers caressing the sensitive skin. We lost track of time again. I could never get enough of Blake and luckily, it seemed to be a two way street.

I trotted lightly downstairs and the first thing that I saw was a very impatient Serenity hammering her fingernails against the tabletop. “Would you two please wake up earlier, so the rest of us aren’t late? I’m so sick of this shit.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled. I hoped the blush from making love had vanished. I picked up one of the two the buttered rolls of bread that was left lonely on a plate and just waiting for me. I took a bite and started chewing slowly. Blake arranged for a bottle of juice that I could finish on the road. A pang of guilt seared through me while staring at the plate of food that Joshwin had left for me. Food was important to fight the nausea. Joshwin had made that for me, while I spent the time set aside for breakfast on other activities. I swallowed the bread along with my longing for him and a wish that he would be the one too busy to butter the bread.

Joshwin waited by the car with a glum smile knowing exactly why we were late again, but he never uttered a word. He only reminded me to remember to eat my food.

“Elvie, I have something to tell you.” I looked at Serenity's big brown eyes. She sat next to me in the back seat. I took a big gulp of the juice.

“What,” I mumbled around a lump of bread that I stuck in my mouth.

“I wanted to let you know that I've changed my mind.” She smiled softly and traced her hand across my stomach. “Saddettin and I are staying here until your baby comes... and a little after that.”

I looked down at her hand, not really getting the point. “I thought you wanted to go... you know?” I shrugged. Chrystan and Joshwin in the front seat didn't need to be pulled into the fact Serenity had planned on going husband hunting very soon.

However, Chrystan reacted anyway. “You're making me go alone?”

“You're a big boy. You'll manage... besides, Illian is already there.” Serenity said. I stared back and forth between them a few times so did Joshwin. Neither of us knew Chrystan was planning on leaving soon too. Joshwin looked sadly at his older brother.

“You're staying?” Relief I hadn't expected rushed through me. I was selfish again, but I wanted her to stay here with me for a little longer.

“Yeah, I want to be here for you. I can wait until the baby comes.”

I shoved the last piece of bread in my mouth and hugged her tightly. It meant the world to me that she would stick around for the circus of my life knowing she wanted to move forward and create her own family. I was a bit awed that she would put off her wants and dreams to support mine. She rested her hand against my stomach for the duration of the trip, while focusing her energy on sensing the life inside of me that I still didn't feel.

As school started, I slipped my wedding ring onto my necklace like I did everyday. The nausea didn't arrive again today and that was invigorating. While waiting for me, Blake had company. Nikki was beside him with a hopeful face and terrified eyes. She often hung around Serenity and Joshwin, but never really Blake. When we arrived, Beth strolled away and moved down the hall. I had never spoken with her officially, but I knew in the past that she had been a good friend to Blake when he had needed one. Now, they spoke every day.

Nikki was chatting aimlessly at Blake, who clearly didn't know where to look or what to say. Joshwin gracefully took care of Blake’s discomfort, while trying to cloak his amusement by asking Nikki some questions about homework. One again, she looked like she had inhaled her hairspray.

“I’ll see you later, honey.” Joshwin said just after the bell rang. He kissed my cheek swiftly.

“Yup.”

“Elvirina, can I talk to you?” Nikki stared up at me with big eyes as we walked into class.

“Sure,” I answered absentmindedly and finished the last of my OJ. I begged that today I wouldn’t need an extra trip to the bathroom.

“You're friends with Caleb, right?” Her eyes were unsure as she tugged a frizzy mass of hair behind her ear.

“Yes,” I answered carefully. Where was this going?

“Okay... so I was kind of hoping you could do me a favor?” I tried not to stare too much into her eyes. I knew from experience that her thoughts would flow right into her mind like skates on ice.

“If I can.”

“Can you get me an invite for the party?”

“What party?” I stared dumbly at her. Now, I felt like I had that date with the hairspray.

Her brows flowed together. “Caleb's party. At his house.” I still stared at her bluntly. Words flowed right into my mind. “Does she not know... she has to. She has to get me an invitation. Maybe they are not as close as I thought.” I shook my head and tuned her out.

“I don't know about any party.” I would know... wouldn't I? Mr. Brenner stomped past us, gesturing for us to find our seats by herding us around like cattle. Passing Blake, I stared uncomprehendingly at him.

“What?” He mouthed. I took my seat next to Serenity. I asked her too, but she didn't know anything either. The conversation would have to wait until after class.

The chance to ask Blake about the party completely surpassed me, when a person that I knew peripherally claimed his attention the second that the bell rang. I watched Blake's face turn guarded as the conversation began. I carefully moved closer pretending to wait for Serenity to finish her notes, but my main goal was to rudely eavesdrop. It was strange watching Blake talk to his old friend Brian. He was so different and a serious and brooding façade was plastered all over his face when he spoke. I could tell by the tension in his shoulders that he was annoyed.

“Did it ever occur to you that I might not want it... if I did, I might have done a little inviting myself.” Blake sighed and slammed his book shut.

“Come on, Caleb. We do it every year!” Brian complained loudly.

“Oh, fuck, “ Blake spat, clearly remembering something. His eyes fluttered to me as I was sneaking along the wall slowly.

“You forgot! Dude, how can you forget about the tournament? We leave on Sunday. Are you even ready? You've been skipping practice on a regular basis. What the fuck is going on with you?” Brian’s voice was hard and unforgiving.

“I'm sorry, Brian. I've been a little... preoccupied lately.” Blake sighed. I leaned casually against the wall, hoping that it wasn't too obvious what I was doing, but what they were saying matched questions that I had.

“Tell me about it. I’m lucky you even remember to say hi anymore. Do you even remember your other friend, Harrison? You never hang out with us anymore. What is up with that? What is going on with you?” Brian kept complaining.

“Nothing. Nothing, I er... I've had things on my mind, but I am fine. We're playing.”

“Damn right we are! So…about the party, I’m sorry that I planned it on your behalf, but it is expected of you to throw the rave of the year!” Brian smiled snidely, while probably congratulating himself as if he had done Blake one major favor.

“Thanks, you shouldn't have. Beth didn't tell me,” Blake answered glumly.

“Why are you still hanging around that chick? I thought she was last season’s flavor.”

“Shut up, Brian. She's a friend and she is nice.” Blake mumbled something like “unlike other people” under his breath, but I wasn't sure. Blake’s face was still guarded and closed off as he picked up his books.

“I'll still let you have the credit for the party,” Brian offered. I rolled my eyes. Seriously?

“No, thanks. You keep that, but since it apparently is my party, then I might ask a few... friends.”

“Now, we’re talking.” Brian clapped his hands loudly, guffawing.

Blake gave me a wicked smile. “Hey, Elvirina... You want to go?” He cocked a brow at me. I chuckled.

“Why do you hang around those freaks? So out of your reach, even for you, bro... and seriously?” Brian frowned and his voice was dripping with distain. His narrowed eyes landed on me. They were degrading, mocking and quite cruel as his gaze lingered. I couldn't resist retaliating knowing that I had the upper hand. It was childish, but I couldn’t help but lick my lips and unleash a lustful stare saved only for my husband and the privacy of our bedroom. I hinged a finger through my necklace.

“Sure…” I was about to say Blake. “...Caleb. I would love to.” I mused sweetly.

Brian’s face fell open with a pop. As he recovered, Brian turned his rude attention to Serenity, who was gracefully coming to my side. “Hey gorgeous... want to accompany me?” Brian threw that out like it would be the catch of the year to go with him. I hated the way his protruding eyes vulgarly disrobed her, while banking on her on being a sure thing. I was glad Saddettin didn't have to see that. A flood of images drowned my mind when I looked at his eyes. Ugh, he wanted her naked beneath him. Yikes!

Serenity didn't answer right away, but pursed her lips sensually. “Hmm, no,” she chimed arrogantly. She drew her mouth slightly open and placed an elegant finger between her teeth and sucked the tip of her finger seductively. Her brown eyes fluttered to Blake as she drew her moist finger over her bottom lip. “But I'll go if someone else asks me.” She purred the same way that I had, giving Blake eyes similar to what I had done. I blinked like a cow making sure that I was seeing right. She did not just do that? Through my astonishment, I recognized what she was doing. She was making Brian look like an utter fool.

“Whatever, ho,” Brian spat and shoved past Blake nursing a severely wounded ego. Blake was paralyzed, not breathing while staring at Serenity.

“Oh, come on, tingle boy. Get a grip.” Serenity's face returned to normal and Blake tried to unfreeze.

“Don't you ever do that to me... not ever.” Blake sighed and rubbed his eyes. Behind Blake, someone else seemed troubled, well, depending on how much he had seen. Joshwin's book was slowly sliding from his hand as he stared numbly at us.

“What the fuck was that?” He huffed the same time as his book hit the floor with a loud thud.

“Matching dog and doghouse.” The same arrogance vibe colored Serenity's tone. “That guy’s an ass and a half.”

“Oh shit, I thought I had to haul Blake’s ass out of another fire. I’m pretty sure that Saddettin is a beast underneath all that wisdom,” Joshwin said, while picking up his book.

Serenity huffed, like it was beneath her to love someone like Blake. “You have no idea.” She purred, while sliding out of the room.

“Now, I recognize your snotty attitude. Serenity and I have information that I seriously do not need,” Blake called after Serenity and tried to smile, but he was still too rattled.

I followed Serenity down the hall to our lockers. “I saw Brian's mind. It wasn’t pretty. He wanted you naked,” I said under my breath.

“Who do you think put those images there?” Her smile was calculating. “I wanted the rejection to sting a bit more.”

I was completely sidetracked by Serenity's little stunt and remembered something about a tournament? Though, Blake had already left for his next class. Beside me, Joshwin felt my unease, but he couldn't answer the question anymore than I could.

Leaving school for the day, Blake brought me up to speed with a few details that had slipped his mind. He would be gone for a tournament for five days, much to my dismay. While this coming Friday, Brian had planned a ‘small’ gathering at Blake's house on his behalf.

“I have practice all afternoon and tomorrow morning before class. My mom also called. She is home, so I'm going to stay at my parents’ tonight... okay?”

Internally, I groaned, but put a smile on my face for him. Blake shouldn't feel guilty because I was a needy hormonal wife. “Okay.”

“See you tomorrow.” Blake snuck in a quick chaste kiss when no one was watching.

At home, Saddettin was waiting for Serenity in the courtyard with a smile on his face. I left my shoes in the car and looked up at the perfect blue sky. I knew what I wanted to do this warm afternoon. It required two things - needles and Joshwin.

I lay dazed in the energizing sunlight. I had taken my shirt off, while feeling happy that it was finally warm enough. Joshwin and I had walked to the place that still only belonged to us, the plateau.

Holding a hand over my eyes, I gazed at Joshwin's bare back. His muscles weaved beautiful patterns underneath the skin and the dark painted hues that I had put there. Over the past six months, he had lost major parts of his boyish lanky frame and was a full-blooded man. He was more muscular, his shoulder seemed straighter and his arms were firm to the touch. He was gorgeous as ever. He kept pulling in his lip as he read, while being mindlessly absorbed in his book. I sauntered to my knees. I couldn't stop my hands when they suggestively moved to Joshwin's shoulders. I wasn’t sure if I should do this or not, but instinctively, I leaned in and kissed the crease of his neck. I had no desire to fight my urge for him and for the first time in months, I didn't. I let my mouth linger on his skin, the tip of my tongue grazed him and tasting the slight salty flavor of him. It didn't take long until I felt his muscles tense and a deep sigh that followed. Joshwin closed his book with a thud.

“Don't,” he whispered through his teeth. I didn't listen and moved my hands around to his chest and kissed him up the neck towards his jaw. If he would just relax a little bit… then I suddenly heard words that had to be impossible. “Go to him for that.”

Shocked. The air was knocked roughly from my chest. This was slap in the face. “What did you just say?” I blurted out appalled.

“You heard me,” Joshwin said quietly. He kept his face away from me. I wheeled around facing him enraged.

“You did not just say that,” I sneered.

“Yes I did. Stop harassing me.” Joshwin got up and dumped the book rudely on the blanket. I stepped in front of him, stopping him with my presence before he could escape.

“Harassing you? I am sorry if a simple touch from me is so offensive to you.” My voice pitched with fury.

“Just leave me alone, Elvie,” Joshwin sighed.

“No!” This was it. I was livid and we were having this out here and now. The distance between us was ridiculous and now Joshwin was asking me to go to Blake for what he clearly didn't want was beyond offensive. How could he be so mean and so insensitive? This was unlike him. Suddenly, it was there in my head like a lightning bolt flashing from the clear sky. It enlightened a dark truth and something that I never fully understood. “Joshwin, did you give me Blake because you think that you don't add up?” The tenor in my voice was less harsh now. It terrified me if he thought like that.

“Well, I don't,” he snapped hard without missing a beat. Joshwin was mad. I was surprisingly very right.

“So you let Blake in to cover your own ass?” I returned his hard tone instinctively, but stupidly.

“Not the words that I'd have used, but that sounds about right.” His face was closed off and locking me out. There was more, but other words were already escaping my lips.

“Here I thought it was because you forgave me.”

“You should have everything that makes you happy?” He softened.

“Then give it to me,” I answered just as softly, though I wasn’t sure I could keep making that demand anymore.

“You know that I can't.” Joshwin's eyes fell shut and he pinched the bridge over his nose, like someone had struck the tender bridge. He drew in a sharp breath. I tried to control my anger, frustration and surprise, which were all rolled up in a very confusing cocktail.

“No! I don't know, because you stopped trying. You've given up completely.” My tone was almost pleading.

“I haven't given up.”

“Oh, Joshwin. You have. Perhaps if we just tried kissing a little, you could relax around me and we could move forward. Maybe you would like it and then you would see that we don’t have to live with this distance between us.”

“I told you that I haven’t given up... trust me.” Joshwin's face softened and he tried to force a smile, but didn't succeed. I knew this was hard for him being on the sideline of Blake and me. I could understand how that had a price for him, but he was my soul mate and had every right to claim what was his.

“Well, let’s try then.” I was inches from begging and my head was already buzzing with ideas about us. “Anyway you want. We’ll take it very, very slow, so you don’t have to…” He cut me off.

“Not while you're pregnant.”

“Is that a problem for you?” I was ready to get insulted again. Was my body even more unattractive now?

His smile was unreadable. “Er... no, but I would prefer to wait until after the baby comes.” Joshwin stroked my hair in attempt to calm my climbing rage. It worked and I picked my battle. I ignored the 'perhaps' came with a considerable time span and latched on to what might be allowed in the future.

“So you will honestly try with me again?” A single set of butterfly wings flapped in my stomach. Hope.

“I promise.”

“That's all I can hope for.” I paused for a long time. Something was still lurking in the back of my mind. “Joshwin, is that the only reason that you accepted Blake?“ He didn't answer, but only stared at me. I could see it in his eyes. He was hiding something from me. “Joshwin, what is the honest reason that you let Blake into our family?”

“I don't want to answer that.” His face closed off again. Something inside him broke and he slumped back onto the blanket again.

“We don't have secrets from each other. I don't think that we should start now.” I got down on my knees because I needed him to level with me.

He chuckled humorlessly, edged and deliberate for the longest time. “The reason is you and what you did last year.” His eyes were burning and intense. ”It would happen between you two again. It was just a matter of time.”

My blood raced in my veins. “I wouldn't betray you like that.”

“Yes, you would! I know you don't think so, but I know you would. It was already happening.” He leaned back on his hand dismissively and cocked a knowing brow at me.

“But I wouldn't have let it.”

He turned his head to face me with a different honesty. “Elvie, I do not mean to be cruel, but you have about as much self-restraint as a full blown alcoholic when it comes to Blake. In time, you would have ended up in his bed again and what then... huh? I knew when it happened that you would blame yourself and where did that get us last time? You know the answer to this.” He paused and leaned forward again. His face displayed understanding, as he drew a finger down my face. “I couldn't let you lose your soul again. Would you have done the same thing all over again? Would you have tried to kill yourself... again? More importantly, would you have succeeded this time? I couldn't take that chance with you.” I stared dumbfounded at him. “So accepting Blake to keep you safe was my only option. We were already committed, so swallowing a little pride and breaking a few unwritten rules didn't seem so bad.” His voice grew gingerly as he spoke with such honesty for the first time.

He was right. He prevented me from breaking his heart again. I had failed to see that Blake would come between us again, but he didn’t because Joshwin dealt with the problem head on. He really protected me when I was hell bent on destroying my life. Crushing guilt made it hard to breathe. I would have betrayed him again. I would have hurt him again. He was man enough to stop me at the cost of his own happiness. How could I be so blind? Images started flowing before my eyes. I saw the kiss that Blake denied to reciprocate, when we were walking in the woods a long time ago. I also saw the result of the kiss if Blake had allowed it. It looked much the same way as when Joshwin had taken me home from Blake's house the first time that I had been there and ended up in his bed. Images were filled with pain, despair and tears. Then there was the time that followed which was filled with my begging and the questioning of my commitment. I know that I would have betrayed Joshwin before he decided to release his exclusivity to me. I would have faltered. Joshwin saw it, but I didn't.

“You bring self sacrifice to a whole new meaning,” I said softly. “When did you decide to let him in?”

“Around the same time that he started coming back here.”

“You knew that soon?”

“Yes... what does it matter now? He is good to have around. It's like having a personal jester.” Joshwin smirked. “Look, things turned out for the best.”

I was shaken down to my core. Acknowledgment rushed in with insane speed though my veins. I looked up at his perfect face and his perfect blue eyes. “I know you’re right. I would have done it all over again.”

“I know. Compared to what could have been and that I maneuvered you around, what would you choose now?” Joshwin smiled and moved to his knees, placing a hand on my belly. “Because we are doing good, all of us. He is doing well here. He is happy, you are happy and there is this baby.” His smile widened mentioning the last part. I looked for hatred something dark in his face and pain for what I would have done to him again. There were none of those emotions.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For loving me so much that only you could save me.”

“Don't mention it. It's what being a soul mate is all about.” He moved in and kissed me softly.

“You mentioned that we were doing good, but how are you doing?”

“I'm fine,” he drawled immediately.

“I mean seriously... how are you doing?” I couldn't remember the last time the conversation has actually revolved him and only him.

He slowly pulled in his lower lip, while evaluating his situation. “Better.” There was honesty in that one word that I knew that I didn't understand the full extent of. The blue in his eyes lingered with me. “Are we done fighting now and we can finish this?” He picked the needle box from the wooden floor.

I settled, straddled across his back and started working for the rest of the afternoon. I was almost done with his back now. A few hours later, the obvious signs of exhaustion from my relentless needle poking showed. Joshwin moaned slightly in pain. His face was drawn in lines proving his discomfort.

I had one more thing to settle prior to going home. I took a slow breath and entered the minefield that we seemed to be lurking about in, “I know it was wrong of me to come on to you like that. I’m sorry because I know how hard this… intimacy thing is to you, but I’m really happy that we had this talk. I just don’t like the way that you mentioned that I should go to Blake, like I run off like a spoiled child,” I said carefully, while trying not to haul him over the coals like my authority was begging to do. She could just go mind her own business. To verbally flog him just didn’t seem fair at all now that we were being honest for the first time in a while. However, hours later, those words still hurt.

His eyes found mine. They were darker and had changed, when he sat up. “I apologize, my love. It won't happen again,” he answered sincere and slightly formal. “It doesn’t make it any less true. However, I shouldn’t have said it like that.”

I bit down on the inside of my cheek, pondering. Did I run to Blake whenever Joshwin didn’t play by my rules? I wasn’t sure, but I hoped not. It wouldn’t be the first time that I didn’t use my head.