Chapter 6: Breakfast

Elvirina

I slept for about an hour before my alarm went off. I don't think Serenity slept at all, but she got up the same time that I did. She had a shower and went downstairs for breakfast. I took my time getting ready. Brushing my hair repeatedly until it was perfectly straight. I found a clean set of underwear, pants and a button down shirt. In other words, I was biding my time.

I went downstairs. Our dads weren't back from the gravesite yet, so it was just our moms, Serenity, Illian and Chrystan who sat at the table. I quickly confirmed Joshwin wasn't here yet. I felt disappointment set in immediately. I had hoped to see his perfect face and brilliant smile this morning. I filled my plate with fruit and started my breakfast meal. We mainly ate in silence, every once in a while someone spoke, but grief was seeping through the walls and the mood was at an absolute low.

When I was almost done with my food, Joshwin arrived and finally joined us. I tried to suppress the smile forcing itself onto my face. “Morning,” he said in a thick voice, clearly just woken up. His blue eyes were still crusty from sleep. Just looking at him made my heart flutter. He ran his fingers through his untidy chestnut hair, trying to muffle his attractive smile. Something had changed between us.

The others greeted him in low saddened voices, not paying much attention to him at all. He rounded the long table and put his hand on Illian's shoulder. “You're in my heart,” he said soberly.

Illian nodded. “Thank you.”

I hunched in my chair, trying to go stealth when suddenly I started flushing bright red. From the corner of my eye, I detected Joshwin chewing his lip, clearly trying to decide on something. I was immediately discouraged then I saw his expression turn teasing. Oh no. I started gnawing my often abused fingernail. This time, I would probably make it bleed. I also tried to hide in my hair, letting it fall like a dark curtain at both sides of my face.

Joshwin continued around the table to my chair and put his weight on the back of my seat. Slowly, he leaned in, took a piece of apple from my plate and threw it in his mouth. I knew that he purposely pushed his arms and chest against my back to provoke a reaction from me. I tried to remember how to breathe, while I fought to stay collected. The entire table stared at me, then at Joshwin and back to me again. I was sure the mental math wouldn't be too hard to do.

I was glad my hair covered most of my face, but like a mind reader he brushed my hair behind my ear and shoulder. He placed an elegant long finger underneath my chin and pulled my face up to meet his. “Morning,” he mused warmly, tormenting me further with a perfect breathtaking smile. I don't think I ever blushed that exact overly ripe tomato red before. I knew everyone was staring at us and the room went dead silent. I couldn't even find my lips to speak, but inside I was fuming. He had no right to humiliate me like this, just because he could. Chrystan and Illian broke into a roar of laughter and everyone else seemed to join in. The laughter filled the room and made the seeping grief vanish for a second. The laughter kept going at my expense and traitor tears pressed against my eyes. I couldn't believe that he would have the audacity to flaunt what had happened between us in front of everybody else. What we had was private. Now, I was humiliated and rejected.

Violently, I pushed my chair back knocking into him like a bowling ball into pins hitting his stomach. I stomped loudly up the stairs, fuming like a freight train.

“I'm sorry,” Joshwin called. For all I cared, he could go jump off a cliff.

“Don't,” Serenity said sternly from downstairs.

I plopped down on my bed, covering my face with my hands. Furious tears ran from my eyes. I was betrayed. The footsteps on the stairs were too light to be Joshwin's. “Don't be so mad,” Serenity chimed from the door.

“How could he?” I sobbed into my hands.

“He didn't really do anything, Elvie. You're just a little... sensitive these days.” I threw her a mean glare. Not her too.

“But it's embarrassing,” I complained.

“No it's not. You think it embarrassing. None of us do. Elvie, everything is happening like it's supposed to. There's nothing wrong with that. We all just think you're hilarious.” She pursed her lips together trying to hide a grin.

“Really? You don't think that?” I asked not entirely convinced this wasn't embarrassing.

“No.”

“Oh,” I gasped with my mouth hanging open. My tears stopped running.

“Elvie, a piece of advice. If he plays that game, then so can you,” she said looking unbelievably smug.

“I don't understand?”

“What he's doing to you, you can do that to him too.”

“I can't do that. I don't have that kind of power over him.” I only wish I had. I had power over nothing at all, not even myself.

“Sure you do. Listen, he feels whatever you feel, right?” Serenity encouraged.

“Yes,” I answered and threw in an eye roll for drama. Oh, it became more and more evident every single day just how much he felt from for me.

“Well, instead of holding yourself back all the time, perhaps you should embrace it.”

I thought for a moment. I could see her point and what she was getting at. “So instead of trying so hard not to think about him kissing me, I should think about?”

“Yeah and kick it up a notch,” She said with an elegant hair toss.

“Kick it up a notch.” I muttered dryly. I knew what that meant. This was going to take a huge amount of bravery that I didn't have. Yesterday, I chickened out just thinking about holding his hand. How was I going to imagine having sex with him? I had no idea what that was even like. It was his choice not to make love, not mine. Rejection stormed over my mind like a plague.

“Let me help you. Maybe you could start by imagining last night... vividly,” she said in a wicked tone. I did know what that was like. How could I ever forget how his warm hands felt when they ran up my thigh?

“You're enjoying this way too much,” I threw back at her, but perhaps this kind of event could be a little fun. I could watch him squirm and, oh, I would be watching.

“Just making sure you're entertained as well,” she drawled.

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

“Always. Now put a brave face on and we'll go back downstairs again.” Serenity wiped the last tears from my face.

“I'll be down in a minute.” I wanted to take a look at the homework for today. With all the chaos from yesterday, I hadn't given it a second thought. My secret motive was to see Electric Blake again and attempt to figure out what the hell was with the tingle. Just thinking about it made the tiny hairs rise on the back of my neck.

Sounds traveled up the stairs informing me that our dads were back. I put the incident to the back of my mind. It wasn't important compared to the loss of Vasvár.

The first thing I saw was Junius' pained face. Just as Illian and Serenity had lost a father and Norahla had lost a husband, Junius had lost his closest brother. I took the steps two at a time and literally fell into Junius' embrace. I hugged myself to his chest and breathed in his familiar woodsy smell. “I'm so sorry. You're in my heart.” I whispered to my father.

He let me clutch onto him for a few moments before he spoke. “Thank you,” he said and kissed my hair. His normally tidy brown hair was knotted and tangled. I tried to push it back to its normal finish.

“You look... so bad.” I attempted to smile, but my lips didn't move.

“Don't worry, daughter. Time will heal me,” he said and kissed my hair again. I just stood there as the helpless child that I was. I could do nothing to heal my father’s soul. I looked around the room. Norahla sat hunched over the table. She looked almost sick. I guess she was. Her soul was sick. Luam, Norahla's soul mate, sat next to her. Kahlár was hugging Serenity as she cried. Chrystan tried to comfort Illian. I had been so absorbed with Joshwin and myself that I had been selfish while people were mourning.

Mom took Junius' hand and led him upstairs. I looked for Dewritar and Dad, but they weren't anywhere to be seen. The return of the married men made it clear how hopelessly sad losing someone you loved was. The grief in the room was too much to bear. It crushed my chest until the point where I couldn't breathe. I felt too many things at the same time and everything started going black. I bolted out the back door, needing to get the hell away from it all.

Joshwin rapidly followed behind me. “Elvirina,” he called. I ran across the back yard as the sun was rising in the east, bringing light and life. But what did life mean when you would just end up dead anyway?

Joshwin caught up to me, latched onto my arm and swung me around. “Elvie, it's going to be fine.”

“I can't take it... all the pain, the grief, the crying... all of it. It's too much and I'm so confused. I don't know what to do.” I suddenly found myself yelling at Joshwin, trying to escape deeper into the forest.

“Elvie... “Joshwin tried to pacify me, taking a firm hold on my wrist.

“Let me go!” I ordered and yanked my arm back hard. Joshwin only tightened his grip. “You don't feel that? You don't feel all the chaos and... and... and....” The blackness from last night suddenly took control of me and I saw Joshwin rejecting me. “And I don't understand why you wouldn't make love to me last night. I practically threw myself at you,” I yelled. I didn't care who heard me. I couldn't hold myself together and confusion set the darkness loose on a prowl.

“Elvie... Elvie, stop! Just stop it!” Joshwin begged raising his voice above mine. “It's nothing like that... will you hold still!” I stared at him furiously. He put his hands on both sides of my face, leaned his forehead to mine and stared into me. Then I heard him in my mind. His voice was grave and his words were firm. “I've wanted you for a year. I have thought and dreamed about kissing you and touching you for a year. I have longed so much for you and waited for you to be ready. Now that you are I want it all, but I don’t want to rush it. I want to savor it.” His lips didn't move. With a single touch of his hands, I was strangely calm again. I rose to my toes to taste his lips, because all I could do was follow my instincts.

“I'm sorry. All of this is just so much to take in.” I apologized.

“I know. It's a lot for all of us, especially for you because I know you're very sensitive right now,” he comforted. He pressed his lips to mine again. His mouth was so sweet. He ran his fingers through my hair and it sent a chill down by back.

“Let's just go.” I ended the kiss, wanting to avoid what had happened in the forest during the night and if I didn't stop now... it would. He would reject me again. That would be devastating and something I couldn’t handle right now.

“Go where?” Joshwin asked puzzled.

“To school.”

“Serenity isn't going,” Joshwin said.

“I figured. It'll be fine. I can fend for myself.”

“I'll go too. I'll ask Chrystan to come,” he said walking back toward the house.

Chrystan stayed home with Illian. For the first time in my life, I couldn't stand being in my house. The place I loved more than anywhere else in the world made my skin crawl today.

“We don't have to go. I'm sure they'll understand,” Joshwin said as he drove.

“I want to go,” I demanded. I started yanking my shoes on. We were almost at the school.

Joshwin walked me to my first class and let me go with a kiss. I noticed eyes on me, as I walked to the back of class alone. I looked at Serenity's empty chair and wished I'd actually stayed home with her. I missed her and I was a little worried about her, but I knew she wasn't alone.

My skin started tingling and that meant Blake was close. Yesterday, I had promised Joshwin that I wouldn't block him again. So I didn't, instead I tried to ignore it. Blake entered the same time the bell rang. He moved past his usual seat and headed directly towards me. I gulped as the tingle intensified. I knew Joshwin felt it too, but there was nothing other than silence in my head. A few girls from class gawked at Blake, while I pretended not to notice his presence at all. I stared blankly ahead.

”Hi,” A husky voice said next to me.

I evaluated whether I should ignore him further, but concluded it would be too rude. ”Hi,” I said indifferently.

“Where's your Siamese twin?” Blake continued, apparently not noticing I was busy ignoring him.

“Home,” I replied flatly, working to keep the tingle off my skin. I watched him through my peripheral vision. There were a lot of eavesdroppers in the room and I didn't want to be the cause of the stir.

“Is she sick or something?” he asked concerned.

“No,” I said and turned my head to face him. “Her father died.” I wanted to see his reaction. I noticed the shape of his sculptured face. He had a strong jaw line and a perfectly straight nose. His honey blond hair was a nice compliment to his tanned skin and there was a tiny hint of freckles scattered over his nose. It softened his features. Honestly, the guy was quite striking.

“Oh,” he answered surprised. “Give her my condolences.” He looked at me with eyes full of sympathy. Eyes lined with thick black lashes.

“I'll pass that on,” I added in the same uninterested tone, though it was nice of him to offer condolences.

Mr. Brenner entered then, calling the class to order. Not that there was a riot, but most of the students were trying to pretend not to stare at us, which they were.

“News!” Mr. Brenner called over the class. “For those of you who are new and students who are a part of the buddy system, third and fourth period have been canceled. You should all report in the auditorium instead of going to your normal classes.” I stared nervously at Blake, hoping I didn't have to spend one on one time with my buddy. That would be unhealthy for me. Blake fascinated me on a level that I didn't understand.

Frizzy Nikki raised her hand and Mr. Brenner called attention to her. “Mr. Brenner. Serenity's isn't present today. Do I have to go to class or the auditorium?” She asked in her girly voice.

“Er... I don't think you need to go to the auditorium, as far as I know, you're going to be paired up with your buddy.”

“Oh. Okay,” Nikki said disappointed.

Uh, oh no... no, no, no. Panicking, I almost told Mr. Brenner she could join Blake me, but for some unfathomable reason, I didn't. Blake leaned to my side. “Guess we'll be seeing each other again today.” His voice was low and throaty.

“Sure,” I answered, while trying to sound nonchalant. Why on earth didn't I stay home with Serenity when I had the chance?

Mr. Brenner started his history lecture. I spent the hour trying to ignore the tingle still sparkling between the tall honey blond Blake and myself. A few times, I accidentally locked eyes with the hateful girl from yesterday while trying to find somewhere else to look at other than the beautiful boy seated next to me. Or should I say man, Blake didn't look much like a boy. The girl’s thoughts of me hadn't improved one bit. Quite the opposite. She certainly didn't appreciate that Blake had chosen a seat next to mine.

The bell rang and Nikki materialized in front of my table before I could even close my books. “I'm so sorry. I heard about what happened with her dad yesterday. How is she?” She asked in a thin and concerned voice.

“As well as can be expected,” I replied. Beside me, it looked like Blake was hanging on to my every word.

“Is she really sad?” Nikki continued making conversation. I kept the eye contact short to avoid reading her mind.

“Yes.”

“Why? It's not like you people haven't got any to spare.” The hateful comment came from the front of the class. My eyes flashed to the girl, whose mind I had read more than once now.

“Don't listen to her,” Nikki said sweetly. “She's just jealous, because y'all are prettier than her,” she continued in a whisper with one hand covering the side of her mouth.

“Thanks,” I muttered, not caring who was prettier. Blake's eyes flashed to the girl and then back to me. Something slithered across his strong face. Today, he wasn't so busy leaving the class at subsonic speed.

“Tell her that I said hi and I hope she feels better soon.” Nikki offered. I was really starting to like this girl. She was nice. Well, besides her intentions to climb the popularity ladder.

“I will.” I promised while gathering my books. I left the class with Blake and Nikki in my wake. Joshwin was waiting for me outside the class, leaning against the wall following passing students with his baby blue eyes. I figured Joshwin wasn't 'just' waiting outside my classroom to accompanying me to our next one. He wanted to see for himself, who was making my skin tingle like this.

“Hey,” he said happily, when I smiled goofily at him. “Hi Nikki,” he greeted politely, making the poor girl forget how to put one foot in front of the other. Blake bumped smack into her and almost knocked the short girl over. Joshwin caught her by the arm steadying her.

“Sorry,” Blake muttered passing us in a hurry, while stalking down the hall.

“Is he the guy who causes the tingle?” Joshwin asked mentally. I nodded in response.

“Hi, Joshwin,” Nikki said, looking at him like he was some kind of God sent to earth. “Are you going to be in the buddy program today?” she asked all optimistic, looking for an excuse to maneuver her way back in again.

“I am,” Joshwin answered.

“I'm not, since Serenity isn't here,” she said offering the information necessary to fish for an invitation. Joshwin took the bait.

“Why don't you join me then?” Joshwin requested genuinely.

“Really? You mean it?” Nikki cheered with eyes bogging out of the sockets. She looked a little like she had been sniffing too much hairspray.

“Sure, why not.”

“Thanks,” she beamed. I guessed her meal ticket for the day was in the bank. I couldn't help chuckling at Joshwin because he didn't have a clue.

“Elvirina, do you need anything from your locker or do you want to go to class?”

“I need my books for math,” I answered as we turned from Nikki who was still cheering.

“So that was Blake?” Joshwin stated more than asking. He leaned against the wall with his books placed in his elegant hand.

“Yep.” I didn't know what else to answer, mainly because I had none.

“Can you explain the electricity? I mean what is that?” He looked at me with his blue eyes. I needed to remember how to breathe.

“I can't... I don't know what it is either?” I explained, trying to sound indifferent.

“Huh? Elvie, I can feel that you're excited about it,” He said giving me a look that could make a grown woman cry. I chose not to answer. I wanted to lie and say that I wasn't fascinated, but lying was not possible, so silence would have to do. Instead, Joshwin played another dirty card. He kissed me. He put his arms around me and held me close. At first, he was very soft, before he let a fair amount of urgency break into the kiss. He made it impossible for me to resist him. A week ago, I would never have thought it possible that I would publicly be making out, but today I wasn't sure what I wouldn't do anymore. He broke the kiss and I accidentally fell into eye contact with a girl passing in the hall. “Get a room! Flaunting your super hot boyfriend in front of everyone, so not cool... it's disgusting.” The girl looked away before I could hear anything else. Bad case of sour grapes, but yes, Joshwin was hot. I would be the first to admit to that.

“Cheater,” I mumbled, trying to catch my breath. It didn't feel like the only benefit of the kiss was to embarrass me. Was Joshwin marking his territory? Jealousy in our world was practically non-existent, hence the three husbands. It made no sense to use your energy that way.

“It's still fun,” he beamed with a triumphant smile.

“Ugh.” Yes making out is fun, but I wished he'd be a little less obvious showing off how easily he could wrap me around his little finger. I thought about the talk I had with Serenity before we had left for school. Maybe I should try to play the game his way.

Math begun and to my luck we were handed a stack of problems to solve independently, that gave me the opportunity to take Serenity's advise. I hunched over the paper pretending to be deeply absorbed in solving mathematical problems. I wasn't sure how this would work, so I tried to focus my energy around feelings similar to what I'd felt last night when Joshwin kissed me. Images flickered inside of my head and raw excitement started to radiate from the pit of my stomach.

“Elvie...” Joshwin hummed, amused in my mind. I pretended not to notice and kept a counterfeit interest on the paper. When I didn't show any sign of response, I sensed Joshwin turn his head in my direction. I bit down hard on my lip trying not to smile gleefully. I let the delightful stream of fantasies continue in my mind, but making sure I was in complete control of my breathing. I was quickly discovering the downside of this. For him to feel it, I needed to feel it.

Next to me, Joshwin's neck started to flare slightly. A faint reddish color moved toward his face. “Elvirina... behave.” He said in a deep alluring voice. He shifted his weight further forward and slumped over the paper that he was trying to do.

I didn't behave. Joshwin had been right. This game was fun! “Please stop... I know you can hear me,” He begged mentally. The bell rang interrupting my little joke. I stared at my paper. I had done nothing, but fill in my name. I peaked at Joshwin's paper, he hadn't done much either. Uh, it wasn't good to hand in a graded paper blank. Well, at least I had spelled my name correctly. Joshwin looked at me searching for an explanation. I burst into a grin. His eyes told me the plan had worked beautifully. They were burning and alive, tinted darker with need.

“Did you do that on purpose?” He scolded lovingly.

“Yes,” I admitted happily.

“You're so mean,” he mused, not sounding like he actually suffered permanent damage during my attack.

“So are you,” I teased back.

“I guess I deserved that one.”

“Yes, you did,” I agreed lacing my fingers into his waiting hand.