Chapter 8: Brothers

Joshwin 

My house was unusual empty, except from my spiritual father, Selan. I found him reading in his room. He's a quiet and pensive man. He was never was one to fill silences with words or inane chatter. As he put it, he saved the words until they mattered. Chrystan was more like him than I was. Dad always said that I had borrowed my mind from my mom.

“Hey Dad,” I leaned against the doorframe to his room.

“Son,” he acknowledged.

“Where is everyone?”

“Your Mom is over at Luam and Norahla's helping out. The others are hunting, I think.” He smiled. We had the same chestnut hair, but that was about it for our likeness. He was much burlier than me and with a rounder face. His face was creased and wise, whereas mine was smooth with every doubt that I had splattered all over it.

“Is Chrystan hunting too?” I wondered.

“No. I think he might be off somewhere with Illian. Maybe they are by the grave site or by the hills north of here at the clearing.”

“Okay.” I lingered for a moment unsure of what to do next.

“Did you need something, son?” Dad asked looking up from his book again.

I chewed on that for a bit. “No.” I decided against talking to my dad about everything that was happening between Elvirina and me and the name that I didn't even want to think. I didn't want to bother him with my indifferent troubles. Not now that everything was a mess with Vasvár's death. I could wait.

I went to my room, planning on doing my homework, but I knew that wouldn't keep me busy for long. Studying came easy and with classes being considerably less challenging than at our old school, I didn't really see the point.

I lay down on my bed trying to keep busy doing inconsequential math numbers in my head. I couldn't seem to fully distract myself to keep Elvie out of my mind. She was always there, taking up space, fluttering around inside of my skull and making me lose track of time. I had to admit that it was funny watching her fumble around the same way that I'd spent the better part of the past year. The hormones of the change could be a bitch.

My eyes closed and I let myself get swept away daydreaming again.

Elvie's face was perfection to me. There was a sweet roundness in her cheeks, which made her appear slightly child-like and innocent. Her astonishing vibrant green eyes, that always smiled when she saw me, especially now and during the past few weeks, were beyond beautiful. The long black hair framing her face and the light springing off it, when the sun touched it, had a hypnotic effect on me. It was like watching a black river moving water downstream. It was overwhelming actually being allowed to touch it, just the way I wanted to – like a soul mate and not just like a helpful friend.

Her mouth was petite with a deep rosy color that changed slightly brighter when her teeth dented the lower lip as she bit down on it. I saw these images every single day and several times an hour. I couldn't wash them from my mind, not that I even wanted to, but I felt almost perverse thinking about her that way all the time.

I opened my eyes and tried to focus on the patterns on the ceiling. Maybe finding a path through the endless maze of ores on the wood could keep me busy. I started at the same place that I always did - right above my head. There was a tiny circle that must have been the core of the tree from where the ceiling had been carved. My eyes followed the soft curves that ran back and forth leading towards the other end of my room. The swirling reminded me of other curves that I had spent a fair amount of time watching for about a year now. Elvie’s figure had changed. The shape around her waist seemed to narrow, before I realized it was her hips that started to make her figure softer and more gracious. Her feminine shoulders and the curve from her neck had altered too, so tenderly. I had watched it puzzled, not realizing it was her chest that changed shape. She had become a graceful young woman while I stupidly watched her. No wonder she'd been annoyed as hell with me, more than once.

I couldn't see the ores in the wood any more. All I saw was her. I gave up trying to fight it. I would just spend ten minutes having my improper dreams of her then I could get on with my day. That wasn't so bad. No one had to know. For the millionth time, I thanked Earth that the deal was I felt her and not the other way around. That would be a step above humiliating. Sure, she had sensual dreams now, she had been thinking about sex too and was embarrassed about it, but she had nothing on me. My mind was a cesspool of improprieties involving us. I closed my mind around a few solidified memories I had of her - last night in the woods and on the plateau.

I let myself remember exactly how it felt when my hand had slipped up the soft skin of her thigh and rounded the feminine curve of her backside. I felt my lips change shape remembering how I was utterly stunned when my hand hadn’t touched any fabric. I had tensed up and panicked because I hadn’t expected it. If I thought hard enough, I knew perfectly well that if she was wearing her ceremonial dress, she wouldn't be wearing anything else. It was stupid. She had been so appealing and so straightforward. I was dumbstruck she had been so strong and willing and reaching for me with everything that she had. I had been sucked in by her sudden lack of shyness. I groaned when I felt my blood rushing and a solid swelling occurring in my pants. As always, I got a raging hard on just thinking about her.

I felt like a pervert being consumed by my own desire, when I imagined all the things my hands and body could do to her… would do with her in not too long. How all that female and soft flesh would feel when we made love for the first time.

I had plans. I’d built the plateau for her. No one knew it was there, but us. I wanted it to be absolutely private, of course, but neither my room nor hers was far enough away from the family for my tastes. That was my reason for making it.

Though I was looking forward to being with her more than anything, it didn’t mean that I wasn’t a bit apprehensive. I was scared of hurting her. I knew it was bound to be painful the first time and I didn’t want that for her. I wanted it to be special and filled with love. I wanted her to feel good and safe. I wished for some way that it didn’t have to hurt. Absentmindedly, I reached down and adjusted myself in my pants. Who was I kidding? Taking her for the first time was going to hurt her. Perhaps, she wasn’t scared of the pain. She hadn’t been last night.

I had been completely taken by surprise and astounded by her sexual power. The fire had been lit inside of her and it looked to consume everything around her, if she let it. I had been so intent on not even kissing her, but just officially letting her know that I knew she was changing and that she had nothing to fear. Then she had drawn me in with all her feminine sweetness. It was a scary and I was scared.

“There you are?” Mom said in her soft silky voice.

“Hi mom.” I quickly rolled onto my stomach, hoping my perverse daydreaming wasn't too obvious.

“Illian and Chrystan are down by the river at the cliffs. They asked if you would join them.”

“Sure, I was looking for them earlier. How's Illian?”

“Sad, but Chrystan is putting in a good attempt.”

“Okay.” I started to get off my bed, making sure there wasn’t a tent pitched my pants.

“I saw Elvirina. How are things with her?” Mom smiled tenderly. She knew the subject was precarious and I knew she didn't want to snoop.

“Er... things are fine. Changing.” I shrugged, hoping she would pick up the hint.

She nodded her head. “Good. I'm happy for you. I know you'll do right by her, son.” She put her hand on the side of my face and stroked my cheek with her delicate fingers.

“Thanks.” The word came out all distorted, like I had something stuck in my throat. I cleared it and tried again. “Thanks.”

“I have faith in you.”

“Thanks again,” I mumbled, feeling slightly embarrassed. “I'll go find the others now.”

“You do that.”

“Oh, Joshwin. We might have dinner at Sibilla and Kasardian's, so make sure you boys are back by then.”

“Fine.” I said at the same time I jumped off the bed.

I moved through the forest with branches swinging past my face as I ran. I found them sitting at the small rocky beach at the foot of the cliff. They weren't talking and just looking over the lake.

“Hi. How are you holding up?” I asked Illian as soon as I got there.

“Fine and I’m not talking about it anymore.” He cut me off and attempted a weak smile.

“Hence the silence,” Chrystan added.

“You must be perfect company then.” I patted Chrystan's shoulder before sitting down next to Illian.

“How was school?” Illian asked, changing the subject.

“The same,” I said warily. I knew Elvie had spent the majority of two hours with the guy whose name I couldn't bring myself to recall. I didn't like it one little bit, but that was something I wasn't talking about.

“So how many people stared today?” Illian asked.

“Well, it's day three. So that would make it just about ninety eight percent,” I said with a gloomy smirk.

“Hopefully, it will stop sooner this time,” Chrystan intervened.

“Probably not. But who cares, as long as I get to go home where no one pays me too much attention, I don't care.” I picked up a small rock and threw it into the water. I watched the rings increase in size as the tiny waves glided over the calm surface.

Illian grinned a little. “Speaking about staring, how's Elvirina?” He cocked an eyebrow suggestively at me.

“Ugh, a handful.” I toyed with another tiny rock that I had picked up.

“You shouldn't tease her like that,” Chrystan said.

“Mind your own damn business,” I snapped at him.

“You brought it up,” Illian continued, badgering me.

“The hell I did and I’m not discussing it with you, so stop talking.” I turned the rock over in my hand several times, before I sent it flying into the lake.

“Did you ever hear an attack is the best defense?” Illian suggested, sending me a taunting smile.

“Yeah?” I answered confused.

“You're not exactly a mystery. You're just horny,” Chrystan interceded, grinning snidely.

“Aren't you just such a know-it-all?” I spat back.

“Not really, it's not rocket science, just testosterone.” Chrystan wasn’t at all affected by my lack of interest to discuss the subject.

“What on earth are you ranting about?” I tried to keep my irritation absent in my voice.

“You and why you tease her.” He paused. “You're trying to cover your own ass by attacking her.” Chrystan widened his eyes, mocking me. I grimaced and threw him a mean glare.

“I am not... It's just entertaining.” I felt a smile pull the corners of my mouth upwards, while thinking about how she groaned and made a face the last time that I'd teased her. “You shouldn't laugh at her though. She doesn't like that.”

“Dude, we all think that she's funnier than ever, but be careful not to piss her off too much.” Illian warned with a huge grin. It was nice to see him smile.

“Yeah, you might never get lucky.” Chrystan laughed.

“Stop it, both of you! It's not like that.” I reached behind Illian to give Chrystan a decent shove. He shouldn't talk about her like that. She wasn't like that.

“Sure it is.” Chrystan bantered.

“Seriously Illian, back me up here.” I was a little irritated at the lack of support. Just because they were older than me, I hated how they always had to pick on me. This wasn’t funny. Not by a long shot. It was confusing as hell and I needed a little support, not some goddamn peer pressure or a pissing contest.

“I would, but you’re kind of digging you own hole over there buddy,” he answered. Illian kept grinning, before he followed my example and sent a small flint far out into the lake.

“Thanks... I'll remember that. Now how about your little flower? Is she blooming soon?” Maybe it was better to turn the spotlight on him, rather than me. Two could play this game.

“All this love stuff is making me horribly nauseous.” Chrystan muttered and stood up. It was different with him. He didn't have a soul mate. “I'm going for a jump.” He glanced upward and headed for the trail that led to the top. I didn't envy him. I didn't know who I would be if I didn't have Elvie. It was etched into my core. It made the essence of my being complete to be a soul mate.

I looked at Illian and to my surprise he answered my question seriously. “She's getting there.” He glanced down, staring at his feet.

“A late bloomer though.” I shrugged. They were both nineteen and had never seen each other.

“Sure, but there's no hurry,” he mumbled.

“Of course not,” I agreed, knowing it probably wasn’t pleasant being called out on stuff like that. I felt bad for taunting him.

“Between us... can I ask you something?” Illian looked at me with curious eyes. I nodded once. “What's it like? I mean, what is Elvirina like now that she's changing. She's not the same anymore, is she?”

I chuckled. “No, definitely not! I mean she's strong... intense.”

He looked a little confused. “Yeah, I heard about that. I talked to my dad about it too. He said to be careful, but that it's very different from girl to girl.”

“So you thought about Elvie?” I questioned, not fully comprehending.

“She the only one here going through it. You know, like a guinea pig. She’s really funny to watch, though.” He laughed again, but tried to stifle it.

“Yeah, she's funny alright,” I agreed.

“I've been thinking about leaving soon.” Illian paused. “Before all of this happened, but now...? I don't know.” Illian sighed and crossed his legs in front of him.

“Do you think she needs you yet?”

“Not sure, that's why I wanted to ask you. Maybe you would know. You know, from you and Elvie.” Illian asked. His eyes were wide with interest.

“You can't really tell from us because she really powerful. I don't even think that she reached her full potential yet.” I stared blankly and unseeingly onto the lake.

“You look scared.” Illian said studying me closely.

“Not scared as much as I’m overwhelmed,” I said. Voicing my fears out loud made me feel a fraction better. Maybe it wasn't anything to be so embarrassed about.

“I'm sure you'll figure it out.” Illian patted my shoulder a few times.

“Yeah…back to you. You want to leave?” It was strange to think how we would all go separate ways some day. Elvie and I weren't going anywhere. If she was here, I wasn't going anywhere. I didn't need to.

“Not now. I mean that I was getting ready to leave, but then he died and I just don't know. The time doesn't seem right anymore,” he mumbled, while his voice was growing thick. Illian's face paled, when his eyes glassed over with tears and he snorted. He tilted his head away from me, probably hiding his tears. I wanted to tell him that he didn’t have to with me, but I didn’t want to call him out on crying neither.

“Then stay for a few months. You might even get a kick out of watching me screw up... learn from my mistakes,” I joked, hoping to light his mood.

“That's what I feel like, but I don't want her to be alone either. What if she needs me?”

“Okay.” I decided to help him out. “What do you feel in your chest? Besides all the stuff with losing Vasvár?”

“Er... I don't know. It's hard to tell.” He was quiet for a while. “Calm I think, not much, sometimes a little something,” Illian mumbled.

“Do you think about her?” I asked tensely.

“Yeah, often.” He shrugged.

“No, I mean, do you think about her - all the time?” I emphasized words, hoping to make my point clear. I didn’t really want to explain how my mind had been taken over by aliens. How all I could think about was how Elvie would look naked or how it would feel to touch her breasts or run my hand in between her legs. How it would be to feel that warm skin for the first time. I didn’t want to have to admit that I was nothing more than a sick pervert with an obscene and dirty mind.

Illian looked at me, reading my face. “No.”

“Do you feel anything from her? Like if she's upset or happy? Do her feelings make you feel the same way?”

“A little from time to time, but nothing significant.” He shrugged again, and then his eyes shifted to his feet.

“Then I think she will be fine a little while longer.” I concluded.

Illian sighed. “I'm happy to hear that. I really don't want to leave right now, but I felt like maybe I had to…for her.”

“I understand.”

“So... you think about Elvirina all the time?” He didn't laugh this time. His face was serious and considerate, not fighting back a smirk or any other snide comments.

“Every waking hour and then some.” I sighed, but couldn’t help smiling a bit.

“Is it difficult?” He asked. His eyes were understanding.

“Not really, mostly I just feel like a damn freak and a pervert, but besides that I'm good.”

A laugh rolled from deep in his chest. “So I got some interesting times ahead?”

“Probably. I mean I can't even keep up with her. It's like if I blink, I will miss one of her stages and she's already on to the next one. It is so confusing.” I basically whined.

“So that's what you meant about intense?”

“Yes, but I don't think they're all like that. I think Elvie sets the bar pretty high though.”

“So what's with all the teasing? I already heard Chrystan's theory, but what’s yours?”

I grinned. “It is so easy. Sometimes, I don't even do it on purpose.” I couldn't help thinking about her little stunt during math class today. The warmth and strength of her emotions had swept my mind and heart far away from the test. I couldn't stop being sucked in. I didn't feel like fighting it either, but the forum wasn't appropriate for my dirty fantasies, or should I say hers.

“Really?”

“Yeah... She like a leech. Sorry for the analogy. Instead of sucking a little blood from my finger, she's devouring my entire hand and it is increasing every single day. By this weeks end, she will probably take my arm off by the socket.”

“Poor you.” He drawled sardonically and rolled his eyes.

“Not really. I'm not complaining, just stating facts.”

“But you have your hands full?”

“And then some. But it’s Elvie and I love her. This is just the way that we're supposed to be.”

“Sure, but how are you going to hug her when she’s taken both your arms off?” I saw what he meant. I was responsible for her until we had made love and solidified our relationship. We weren’t really safe until then. I looked down my arms that hopefully soon would be covered in ink and marked by her at our commitment ceremony.

“No arms equals no cake, huh? Maybe I do need to control her some. Just to make sure no mistakes happen.” A name involuntarily popped into my head. I didn't even want to think it.

“I'm sure that you'll handle it and live up to your responsibility.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“Any time.” Illian drawled.

I hoped that he was right. He had more confidence in me than I did. What if I wasn't capable of taking care of her? She had been destined for me since birth, but she wasn't fully mine yet. I wondered briefly. “Do you find it strange that our lives are planned out for us?”

Illian turned to face me again. “Nothing's planned! We can do whatever we want.” A confused crease formed between his blond brows.

“That's not what I meant. I was referring to the way our soul mate is chosen?”

“I've never really thought about it?”

“Neither have I... until now. Do you think the girls mind us being chosen for them?”

He seemed to consider that. “I don't know... maybe you should ask Elvirina.” He suggested. “Wait, do you mind her being chosen for you?”

“NO. No! Not at all. I think it makes things easier, perfect even.” I paused. “I don't see it as a disadvantage, but more as an asset. We don't waste time fumbling around like humans do and the Oracle's matching automatically picks the one woman that you are absolutely right for and the one that will complete you. Sort of picking two halves that will make a perfect whole. Nothing’s missing, not two halves with holes and jagged edges down the middle.” I paused for air.

“Wow, you thought about this.” Illian’s tone was astonished.

“I might have.”

“No you really thought about it. Did you ever question the way we live?” He struck a nerve.

I evaluated my answer. “Yes, I did. I thought about it a lot, when my change first started. I was so terrified Elvie might not feel the same way about me. What if she was the one that questioned the way we live? There are so few of us here and we blend in with them daily, maybe she would find that more fascinating.”

“Dude, she will never go for one of them. None of us will. We're not compatible. We're too different.” Illian answered and stopped my ranting.

“But what if we’re not?” I questioned. A sharp blade pressed against my insides, making me twitch uncomfortably.

“You got to stop thinking so much. You have way too much time on your hands.” It was clear Illian wasn't going to have that conversation with me, so I canned it. At the same second, a figure broke the surface of the water with a haul. Chrystan had jumped off the cliff.

“If we're done throwing stones in the water, we should go.” Illian moved to his feet at the same time Chrystan exited the water clearly very proud of himself.

“From the top.” He announced arrogantly.

“You know what Serenity is so much better at that than you.” Illian threw at Chrystan.

“Yeah, but that still makes me better than your sorry ass.” He cocked a brow. With Chrystan down from the cliff, we started walking home for dinner.

“No way.” Illian snorted and the bantering continued to most of the way home. The sky was starting to darken. Today had been another perfect autumn day.