Chapter 39: Marriage

Elvirina

I poured another glass of warm spicy wine and handed it to Joshwin. He wrapped his hand around the drink and took another swig of alcohol. I had stolen the bottle from Dew's stash. We both knew Joshwin’s pain and none of us needed to speak one word about it. Today, he was showing more emotions than the past months combined. For the first time ever, I saw Joshwin being rattled to the bone.

Joshwin sipped again and swallowed hard sinews popping under the skin on his neck. I hoped the wine would calm and perhaps desensitize him somewhat. I knew he wanted to hide his tormented nerves from the family. He wanted to keep a proud composed face. His everlasting calm had run out... hence the wine. It was strong and calming.

He emptied the second glass and placed it on his desk. He sucked in his bottom lip and took my face firmly in his hands, holding on tight like he was fighting what he was about to do. I locked my arms around his waist and held him close to me. He leaned his forehead to mine. “Do you think all soul mates are this weak?” His lips didn't move. His breath was shallow and his eyes were excruciatingly emotional. A hurricane was whipping his blue eyes into a thrashing black ocean.

I strengthened my grasp around his waist. “You're not weak. Don't you ever say that! You’re the strongest person that I have ever known!”

He snorted unconvinced. “It doesn't feel like that right now.” He crushed his lips hard against mine in a desperate kiss.

“What you're doing today takes the strength of Hercules. Only you are strong enough,” I whispered.

Joshwin grinned shortly before he fell silent again. His eyes changed to a dark bottomless ocean where everything could be lost in the endless depth. “I am sorry that I can't be the man you want and I know he will be for you.”

“You are my soul mate. We are strong. I still belong to you.” I found his anxious lips and tried to soften them with another kiss.

His hands trembled against my cheeks and he closed his eyes for a moment, fighting to stay calm. He snorted. “Thank you. Marry him with your entire heart... and your body. Don't hold yourself back for me. You are my everything and you have my blessing.” I could see tears shape in his eyes. I knew exactly what he was saying. He let me go – this time for real.

“Thank you,” I whispered. Our lips locked firmly against each other again. A thick tangible tension threw itself back and forth between us, fighting our desperation.

He sighed deeply. “You should go downstairs. They're waiting.”

“What about you?” My arms stated to tire from my fierce hold around Joshwin's body.

”I'll be down in a few minutes.”

“Okay.” I kissed him again and breathed deeply when he locked me in his iron grip. We stood in this charitable and last private embrace for a few long minutes, before Joshwin officially released me.

When I closed the door behind me, I heard the sound of liquid slop into a glass again. I leaned against the door and prayed to Earth to provide Joshwin with strength rivaling Hercules.

I stopped at the top of the steps and breathed deeply once more. It was preparation for the next step in my life. I was ready. My only problem was no one ever told me how hard it was watching your soul mate go through this. I knew Joshwin wasn't unhappy, but I understood his grueling task of handing me over to someone else, to someone he knew could do what he couldn't find within himself to act out, without a hint of hesitation. Blake and I would have no qualms about the consummation of our marriage.

I started descending the stairs. I was ready. I was happy. I was excited and Blake should not doubt for one second that I wanted to marry him. I didn't. I focused my energy forward. Tonight belonged to Blake.

I smoothed my hands over the unfamiliar fabric. I wore our traditional white, but not my usual ceremonial dress that I was supposed to wear. Serenity and I had ventured into unknown territory and secretly made a different dress for me to symbolize Blake and my world. The result was a long flowing silk dress, tight around the waist, buttoned down the front and slim straps on the shoulders. I wasn't sure that I would actually call it pretty, but it was just like Blake and I. Together, we were bird and fish. Somehow, we made perfect sense and found a way to be. I didn't wear shoes and I had combed my hair until it was perfectly straight.

Once again, our communal room was soaked in golden light from hundreds of candles. People were gathered for a marriage, a very unconventional couple and the first to our knowledge. This ritual was much simpler than a soul mate commitment and this one wouldn't take hours.

At the bottom of the stairs, people stopped talking when they saw me. I wasn't what they expected. Serenity and Joshwin were the only ones who knew that I wasn't wearing what was traditional. In the communal room, someone else wasn't wearing what I expected. I gasped, but before I could share one private word with him, a crowd formed around me. Mom smiled approvingly and shot questions at me. Joshwin's mom glanced courteously at me and then nodded. I knew she didn't know the full depth of what happened between Joshwin and I a few months back, but I also knew she felt it was too soon for Joshwin to voluntarily give up his rights, abandoned our private time  and for a human friend of his. I could appreciate that she had trouble connecting the right dots. Now there was my dress that she couldn’t comprehend, it was written all over her face.

Serenity handed me a glass of the same kind of wine that I had snatched from Dew's room. I took a slow sip while I quietly evaluated Blake's change. I had missed that he apparently skipped several of his hairdresser appointments and the pure white was a strong contrast to his normal uniform. He normally wore all sorts of expensive brands as long as they came in black.

I could see Blake following my every move. Chrystan quickly gave up on a coherent conversation. The second it was possible, I escaped Serenity blabbering about the sewing work to have a few words with Blake.

“It is so strange to see you in this.” My finger grazed the top button of Blake's white shirt. His eyes gleamed in the warm light.

“Tell me about it, I normally chose between two colors... black and black.”

“I've noticed.” I followed my voice change soft and muse like. Something explosive was firing up the air around us.

“Really? What else have you noticed?” He smirked impish and raised a brow seductively. This was what he had been doing to me all week. My heart fluttered.

“That you kind of have a thing for me.” I hinged my finger in through one of his shirt buttons.

“Is that so?” Blake chimed amused. He placed his hand on my cheek and his thumb traced the length of my bottom lip. It was warm and sizzling.

I took an uneasy breath. “I have something that I want to try to give you later,” I revealed.

“I thought that you didn't believe in presents.” I couldn't believe how beautiful he was in the golden light.

“We don't and it's kind of hard to wrap, so it doesn't count it as a gift,” I murmured.

“Now I'm curious.” His thumb made its way back over my lip.

“You should be.” I said accompanied by widening my eyes teasingly. My head was literally spinning from the extreme physical attraction towards him and I softly bit down on his thumb. The things that I dared to do around him still caught me. I was completely uninhibited.

“Incoming,” Blake whispered intrigued.

“Elvie.” I heard Joshwin coming up behind me. He looked far more composed. I wasn't sure if it was the wine or he, in general, was doing better. “Your mom's ready.”

“Okay.”

“Blake, this is it.” Joshwin actually managed to grin a little, perhaps to see if he could rattle Blake.

“No turning back.” Blake whispered in my ear, “Is he okay?”

“Better than ten minutes ago.”

“Good. By the way, you look gorgeous,” he mouthed throaty.

“Same to you,” I mused over my shoulder as a circle started to form. I had a love on each side of me. Anticipation pushed the blood faster through my veins. I found my mom’s green eyes at the center of the circle.

“Elvirina, you may enter the circle,” Mom started. I took a step forward toward the table and picked up the long slim candle.

“Joshwin, you may enter the circle.” Joshwin's chest swelled with an overflow of oxygen, then slowly released the air and stepped into the circle. He lit the long wooden stick in the wide candle on the table and held it against the wick of the candle that I held.

“You may light the circle for protection,” Mom said. Joshwin placed a slightly shaky hand over mine as we moved our way around the circle lighting all the candles. This time Kasardian's face wasn't withdrawn. It was present, proud and severely emotional. He might look like a big tough lumberjack as Blake said, but he was so soft and mushy inside. I couldn't help provoke his emotions with mouthing 'I love you' when we lit his candle. It was the last in the circle.

“Blake, you may enter the circle.” Blake entered and placed himself across from Joshwin and me, forming a triangle.

“Blake, I need your promise that you fully understand what you are about to enter.” From what I gathered, this wasn't normally part of the traditional ceremony, but Mom was just checking.

Blake sighed and smiled. “Thanks to Jack, I mean Kasardian, I fully understand.” Ugh, those conversations had to have been even more uncomfortable than I initially perceived. I couldn't stop my humorous outburst even Joshwin snickered. I was just glad that I had avoided Dad’s good advice and hellishly embarrassing choice of conversations.

“Let's continue,” Mom paused and composed herself. “Elvirina, is Blake your chosen second husband?”

“Blake is our chosen second husband.” I corrected my mother’s sworn vow. It seemed more appropriate. I hadn't chosen Blake and thrust him on Joshwin. This had been our choice, just like I said. Mom smiled approvingly.

“Joshwin, do you accept Elvirina choosing Blake as her second husband?”

“I love you – be happy.” He looked to my mother and repeated the vow. “I accept Elvirina choosing Blake as her second husband?” Joshwin picked up the scissors and clipped another lock of my hair on the same side that my father had cut not too long ago. He placed the hair on the table. He looked deeply into my eyes and stoically blew out the candle that I was holding.

Mom's face changed direction. “Blake, do you accept your place as Elvirina's second husband?”

“I accept my place as Elvia's second husband.” Blake took the scissors and fished out a lock of hair.

“Other side,” I whispered, as Blake was about to cut from the side reserved for soul mates or guardians, like Joshwin. I heard chuckles as Blake shifted and pulled out a lock on my left side instead.

“Sorry,” he murmured and the scissors closed around the lock. He picked up the wooden stick and lit it in the candle on the table and symbolized our marriage by lighting the candle I was holding again.

“Joshwin,” Mom called and stepped back.

He cleared this throat. “Blake, you may take your place as Elvirina's second husband and leave your token.” I picked up a slight tremor in Joshwin's voice, but I was sure that I was the only one. Only I knew how difficult these moments were for him.

“Thanks,” Blake answered quietly. From a box on the table Blake fished out the necklace that I'd already seen, but it was less simple now. It was nothing like the ones the women here wore. This was jewelry with shiny stones and precious metals. I bent my head slightly down allowing Blake to fasten the chain around my neck. He fished my hair through the chain. It was heavier than I expected. I had no time right now to inspect it further, because the ritual needed to be finished.

This time, it was Joshwin who held the hair cut from my neck as I laced it with liquid wax from the candle and braided it. He was responsible for my well-being and my happiness. He was my guide and a perfect one at that. Blake’s grayish eyes were deep and glowing in the warm light. I closed the circle of hair this time as a double circle. I placed it on the table for my mother to bless. The soft chant was the same Norahla had said when I had the commitment to Joshwin. I picked up the smooth hair and held it to my lips.

“I want to wear it like Saddettin does,” Blake whispered and held out is wrist.

“Good choice,” I answered under my breath, fully approving his choice of placement. I folded the black braid twice around his wrist. I couldn't escape the beautiful contrast of my black hair against his winter fair skin. With Blake, I closed the circle. I was officially given to another man, though my heart had been there for a while.

Done with the ceremony, there was a lot of congratulations, hugging and thanking family members. I felt a tiny sting in my heart that Blake's parents didn't even know what their son was doing tonight, but it was Blake's choice for now and I had accepted that.

Blake's hand was firmly in mine, as everyone seemed to concentrate on other things rather than us. It gave us a few moments to not be at the center of attention. I had something that I needed to do. I wanted to kiss my husband more than anything. I hooked an arm around his neck and searched his lips. They were soft and warm, just as I knew they would be. In the middle of our communal room, Blake lifted me from the ground into a crushing hug and public show of affection. He let all his feelings sizzle strongly into his lips dancing around mine.

“There is no end to how much I love you,” Blake rasped against my lips. I couldn't answer, when he chose that moment to deepen the kiss. My head started whirling and I forgot to breathe. I was so happy that I felt my heart swell to the point where it might explode. I dipped my face and nuzzled into his shoulder then I was suspended in the air and locked in his arms. I snorted and didn't fight the blissful tears running from my eyes. “Don't cry, sweetheart.” Blake loosened his grip and put me down again. “This day is too perfect for tears.” I tried to comply, but yet again failed.

The heavy cluster around my neck reminded me that I hadn't had time for a decent look at the necklace. I lifted the chain from my chest and examined it. It was the prettiest thing that I had ever seen. From the chain, two different and individual pendants were hanging. One I had already seen. It was the drop shaped clear ornament, but beside it was a gold locket, with tiny stones set around the edge of the intricate patterns on the surface. My fingers touched the fine metal and the locket flipped open. Inside, one side it had Elvirina engraved in the gold, while on the opposite side was Blake's name. I was stunned at the elegance of the craft used to make this. It wasn't exactly something off the rack and it was expensive judging by the weight. Plus, I had a feeling the stone setting on the front wasn’t fake. Blake wasn't the kind of guy, who would go for that.

“Check the back,” Blake whispered. I turned it over to find another engraving. October fourteenth – our birthday. All of our birthdays.

“It’s absolutely stunning,” I mumbled.

“Thank you. Joshwin and Kasardian approved the locket. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't breaking any rules and the pendant was something that I inherited from my grandmother. I am not very crafty. Well, I sort of am in my own way.” He shrugged and traced his hands up my back.

“Crafty with money. I am guessing the locket came with a sizable price tag?” I muttered.

“None of your business sweetheart,” Blake grinned. I wasn't sure that I approved of spending this amount of money on a piece of jewelry, but to be honest I was already attached to the thing. It was one of a kind and made just for me. It made me feel special.

“I guess it’s my turn now?” Joshwin said carefully from not too far away. He was the only one who hadn't spoken to us since the ceremony ended. I found his eyes, which were deep and dark. Thousands of emotions were swimming in the ocean blue color. Released from Blake, I threw my arms around the man who allowed me to be so happy.

“Thank you,” I breathed against his neck when another set of tears hit me.

“Don't cry, honey.” From behind me, Blake chuckled. “Feeling you so happy makes it all worth it,” Joshwin answered while prying my arms loose to stop me from choking him. His eyes moved to my neck. “It suits you.” He ran his finger over the jewelry decorating my neck.

There weren’t enough thank yous in the world to make up for my gratitude towards Joshwin. I didn't say the words again. I only made sure he felt them. Joshwin wiped my tears and smiled. “You should eat something.” I scanned the table with food. My stomach was too knotted to eat, so I skipped a general meal and settled for nibbling a little fruit.

With a single glass of wine in my hand, Serenity was gawking at the necklace. I knew she liked it, but held her tongue because it was Blake who had placed it there. Saddettin was more transparent in his appreciation.

I sipped at the wine as Blake hinged the glass from my hand from behind me. “I wouldn't drink that if I were you.” I said after he slurped a taste.

“Why not?” He took another mouthful of the wine.

“It's not exactly beer and you are much too human to endure more than one glass of that.” I couldn't be sure if it would be safe for him to drink too much of the wine and we sort of had unfinished business to attend to later. My cheeks heated thinking that there were no more obstacles besides reaching the end of the evening.

“Is it that strong?”

I fished the glass from his hand again. “Yes.” I could tolerate it better than he could.

A warm hand smoothed around my waist and pushed me against his body. “How long will this thing go on?” he whispered low, avoiding Serenity's unappreciative glare.

“Why... do you have somewhere to be?” I asked coyly.

Blake grinned the same time as he shook his head entertained. “You are something,” he chimed. Blake’s warm lips below my ear concocted further to the explosive situation between us. I was at the end of patience.

“Can you give us five minutes?” Joshwin interrupted. I pawed at my mind to clean up any dirty thoughts.

“Absolutely,” Blake answered politely, removing his arm at my waist. Joshwin laced his fingers though mine and pulled me out to the dark hall.

“I can't stay here,” he said softly.

“I understand.” I took his face in my hands. His cheeks were burning. I could see he had more wine than the few glasses that I’d seen him drink in my room before the ceremony. “Where are you going?”

“I don't know. Saddettin's got that covered. We're going to take off now.”

“Okay.” I nodded and pulled his face to mine. I kissed his burning cheek lightly. “I love you.”

“Not as much as I love you. I'll see you in the morning.” He put an arm around my back and hugged me, when I felt something bump against my hip. “Good night,” Joshwin said, before he swiftly vanished through the front door. I noticed a full bottle of wine in his hand. I thanked Saddettin shortly before he followed behind Joshwin with the promise that he would keep him safe. Silently, I thanked Earth I had someone like Saddettin close. He was a very good friend and he always went above and beyond to help Joshwin and me.

I moved back into the communal room again where a few people were missing. Joshwin's parents had left as well as Serenity's mom and soul mate Luam. Kahlár was still here with my fathers and Serenity. Chrystan said goodnight not long after. We sat down on the couch and I moved to nestle against Blake sitting on his lap. Absentmindedly, he kept stroking his fingers up my spine and made the humming noise coming from him sizzle in my stomach. After a final glass of wine, Mom and Kasardian left and it was almost time to hand over my present to Blake.

“You look tired,” I whispered in his ear.

He turned his face and the tip of his nose grazed my earlobe. “Hmm… that's funny because I'm not.” Then, he yawned theatrically. I couldn't quite figure out how low your IQ had to be to fall for that.

“We should wait a few more minutes. The rest will be gone soon.” I didn't want everybody's eyes on us when we went upstairs. I was nervous. I had a ticking bomb inside of me. The wick had been lit a long time ago and the spark was almost at the explosives.

Junius and Kahlár packed food, before announcing they were spending the night outside with Earth in the blistering cold. I shuddered at the thought. That left Dew and Serenity, who started cleaning up. Dew put the food away and I heaved in a deep breath. This was it. I gazed at Blake face, his lip twitched and he slowly raised a brow, silently asking if this was it. And it was. The mechanic pounding in my chest increased. Almost at the stairs, Serenity hugged me. “Congratulations,” she said honestly. Then, she gleamed at Blake. “Have fun.” She chimed amused. Ugh, this was exactly why I didn't want to go upstairs with everybody watching.

“Thanks,” I mumbled and my face heated brutally.

“Night, Serenity.” Blake grinned, before he pushed me gently up the first step.

My insides started throbbing erratically as I felt Blake gently put a hand against my neck. With his free hand, he rubbed a few fingers below my ear as we walked up the stairs. It was so strange knowing beforehand what was going to happen. When that door closed behind us, we were officially allowed to do what we were both aching to do. It was easier when things just happened and wasn’t anticipated. What if I couldn't live up to what was expected? It wasn't like I had done this many times. I had only tried this once and back then I was lost in a thick hazy fog and not knowing what the hell I was doing. Now, it was deliberate and premeditated. Blake was so calm, but I was in trouble.