Chapter 36: Delicate Situations

Elvirina 

I soaked the paint roll in the thick, white liquid and moved it to the wall. Blake should feel at home here, so I wanted to at least the paint part of his room white like he was used to.

“What are you doing?”

“You're not supposed to be here,” I complained that my surprise was ruined when Blake walked in the door.

“Thanks... but that doesn't really answer my question,” Blake grinned and dumped his bag by the bed.

“I wanted to give you something. I wanted it to be a surprise.” I released the paint roll into the bucket.

“You’re giving me a big white wall… gee thanks you shouldn't have,” Blake teased.

“I wanted you to feel at home here. So I wanted to make it look more like you’re used to.”

“That's kinda sweet, but you shouldn't change your home for me.”

“It might me your home too someday,” I said hopefully.

Blake smiled and nodded, but otherwise he didn't answer my unsubtle innuendo. He closed the door. “You've got paint in your hair.” I shrugged and looked at the wall. It gave brighter and more unnatural light to the room. Blake picked up the roll and started to plaster white on the remainder of the wall. I sat down on his bed and watched him finish. “No more white. This will do,” he said when he finished. He turned his wrist and checked the time. “Joshwin won't be home for another hour,” Blake said quietly. He sat down on the bed and started picking white bits out of my hair. My eyes were occupied noticing details on his face. He had an elegance about him that I envied. There was an easiness to being with him that I never really could understand. Blake's hand went around my neck and he pulled me in for a kiss. It deepened and became demanding. My breath rushed ragged as I struggled to breathe when the kiss didn't slow down. Blake carefully eased us down onto the bed and played his mouth down my jaw toward my ear. I shuddered as pleasure coarsed through me when he grazed the lobe with his teeth. His warm tongue snaked over the tender skin. I pushed his shirt up, feeling the rippled contours of his stomach and the faint trace of hairs that moved below the waist of his pants.

“That feels so nice,” he whispered between breaths. I pushed myself closer to him when he traced a strong hand up my waist, moving my shirt carefully upward. He gently exposed my stomach. He pulled his head back, slightly gazing at my face, as he drew his hand further up my body. Watching me closely as his hand caressed my breast deliberately. I moaned softly at the gentleness of his touch. In the heat of the moment it felt unbelievable to be touched. I started melting on the inside and a rush of need settled between my legs. “You know... I know where we are not supposed to go, but I was wondering how far we are allowed to go?” Blake asked seriously as he carefully kneaded my bra-covered breast. “Because I desperately want to explore... perhaps a little more than a kiss,” he mused. His words made my breath hitch and my heart constrict in anticipation. The mere idea of being touched or feel his skin on me made my insides go liquid with want.

“I'm not sure,” I whispered under my breath looking into those beautiful, loving eyes. “But I don't want to stop yet.”

Blake leaned in and started nibbling at my neck. “Neither do I,” he mumbled with busy lips. I leaned back and laced my hands into his silky hair. The heat and pace slowed to where we were both carefully testing just how far the boundaries could be pushed. Blake leaned back on his knees, sitting on the bed and pulled his shirt off. My eyes fell on his bare chest. His skin was winter pale, muscles were defined, and he was absolutely gorgeous. He carefully played with the hem of my shirt when I lifted myself up from the bed and let him peel it off me. His eyes dropped to my scar when he braced himself over me. “Does it still hurt?” he asked gently.

“Not anymore,” I answered, a little uncomfortable with his obvious gaze at it. He carefully played his fingertips over the uneven surface for a long moment. I ogled him, stunned when he bent his head down and started kissing the hand print. I was bewildered how he could put his lips to something so horrible. The sweeps of his tongue and lips teased the hypersensitive skin so lovingly. Having Blake be so completely comfortable with my scar made me  that much closer to feeling relaxed about it. His hand found my breast again, and moved his hand around my ribs, underneath me. Easily he flicked my bra open and removed the fabric. His mouth moved to distinctly kiss my breast. His mouth was warm and loving when he caressed me with his lips when I was naked down to my waist as he was. Gently he ran his tongue over the puckered tip. A wild need unfolded in my belly and I moaned.

“Still not turning you on?” I whispered, remembering his joke from when we were healing. He had joked seeing me half-naked did nothing for him.

“Ha ha,” he chuckled sarcastically, when he lifted his head and gazed warmly at me. “Everything about you is a fucking turn on, so just you be careful,” he teased, grasping my hip and pushing my pelvis toward him. I gasped when I felt his erection press into me. He smiled wickedly. When he bent down again, his mouth was invigorating when he pointedly kissed my breast once more. Very gently I pulled my nails down his back. He shuddered and I felt goose bumps rise on his flesh and he moaned softly. It was nice to feel I wasn't the only one who felt good.

He moved to my lips again and lay down beside me, pulling me with him. It burned in my stomach and flowed tingling down between my thighs when I felt the hard ridge in his jeans pressed against my hip. It has such promise. He drew a hand down my thigh and hiked my knee up. Slowly, he pushed his hand up the inside of my thigh, right up to the center of my body. The heel of his palm pressed against my sex, provoking a very sensitive spot between my legs. I moaned louder into his mouth, and he chuckled lightly at my unsubtle response.

“Feel good?” he whispered and stilled his lips.

“Very,” I gasped when he rubbed the fabric of my pants covering the tingling spot again.

I let my hands fall down his stomach and gently I let my fingers stroke the contour of the swelling in his pants. He sighed roughly, this breath skating over my face. I was thrilled at his reaction, because I had no idea what the hell I was doing, or generally how to touch him if this escalated.

“Feel good?” I echoed his words playfully and he chuckled.

“Very... you have no idea,” he groaned when I let my hand shape around the swelling and gave a genuine rub.

He snuck the tip of his fingers along the waistband of my pants, snaking them along my waist. He paused at the button, and slowly opened it. His mouth worked gently against mine with teasing, delicate invasions of his tongue. Slowly, he dragged the zipper open as it flapped violently in my stomach. “Can I touch you... just a little.” He gazed at me asking permission when his fingers leisurely brushed the edge of my panties. I heaved in a deep breath, when his words arrowed straight to my crotch. I wasn't nervous, quite the opposite I was excited.

“Yes,” I whispered, wanting. At this moment, I ached to be touched, and my body squirmed in response. Claiming my mouth again, he placed his palm on my stomach and his hand drifted south, painfully slow. His long fingers vanished below the fabric, and I moaned louder than anticipated when his fingers grazed the sensitive spot screaming for attention. His fingers slid easily past and  felt a slickness I was unprepared for.

“You are so soft... so responsive,” he murmured, then chuckled slightly. “But I already knew that.”

“I guess you did.” I gasped when he rubbed me slowly. I couldn't remember many specific details from our first sexual encounter, but I surely would have remembered this. Something registered in the back of my mind, in spite of the tingling and slight fog in my mind. We had to stop soon. We had both made a promise, no matter how much we both wanted this, now was not the time to take matters further. I just wanted a few more moments of this teasing. It was simply too good to be true. I felt a seductive tingling started building in the pit of my stomach and I almost succumbed completely to it. I was just about to forget my promise to Joshwin when Blake pulled his hand from my pants and ended our touching.

The hour spent before the others came home from school was sweet and almost innocent, but my instincts however told me it wouldn't stay that way. The day I painted the white wall was the first night Blake stayed over.

He came here almost every day after school, practice or a game. He fell into to the rhythm of the house easily. He pitched in with everything anyone asked him to do, and learned how things were usually done at my house. Out here with us, all the brooding and dark irony was gone. I could tell by his smiles, laughs and new friendships he formed, that he was happy, that he thrived. Blake also gained a new hobby, he was adamant to learn to control his affinity. He spend a lot of time focusing his energy, learning to shape it, dull it and stop it from snapping other than on his will. This also brought on a new game. Snap Elvia when holding something. That was to Joshwin an enormous annoyance.

He didn't stay every night, but slowly I would find one of his shirts in my room, or perhaps a pair of his pants in the laundry hamper. His shoes were lined in the hall alongside our shoes. His room slowly carried evidence of how much time he spent here. A school book, a basketball jersey, a few CD's. The last thing I noticed was a picture of us, shoved in a small crease at the window.

Weeks passed and I didn't get a reply. He never gave me an official yes or no. He just slowly moved the two of us into a steady relationship that was identically to what he would have had if he had been dating any human girl. He was sweet, tender and always polite and respectful toward Joshwin. Though, his unsubtle humor never faded. He never kissed me in front of Joshwin, and his eyes were always somewhere else if Joshwin would kiss me quickly or hold me tight for a while. My relationship with Joshwin was the same as ever. We were at status quo, kissing and hugging a little, but that was it.

On the other side, the intensity between Blake and I was undeniable. The promise to Joshwin to wait made all of our dating activities increase in anticipation. What you can't have is what you want most of all. Blake and I struggled to keep our hands off each other.

Winter was still holding the woods in an iron grip of below zero temperatures. I didn't care that it was cold, my insides weren't cold, they were boiling. The water was frozen  almost to the middle of the lake. A few birds wrested the tiny hole still open to get at the remaining liquid, dark water. Blake had opened his jacket and oddly zipped me into it. I had perfect ability to move my fingers against the warm skin on his back. His lips were replying to my demanding mouth as we kissed hungrily. My heart raced in my chest. With deft fingers he had somehow managed to find a way to touch and play with my one breast. It made my need tingle up my spine.

The forest was quiet, only our ragged breathing made noises, when I heard a branch crack not too far away. “What the fuck are you are doing?” More cracking branches and rustling of dry leaves followed after Serenity’s enraged scream.

“Oh no,” I mumbled as our lips parted. My heart skipped a beat.

“Busted,” Blake whispered and started fumbling to get us out of the jacket.

I could see her basically flying past the naked trees, her face drawn in furious lines. It had deja vu written all over it. “How can you do this, Elvie,” she sneered menacingly closing in fast.

“We should just tell her,” Blake said calmly, and very amusedly when looking at the fuming Serenity.

“This time I will make you forget,” she threatened viciously and turned to look at me with eyes literally a dagger of persuasion.

“Close your eyes Blake,” I rushed. I could already feel her influence on me and Blake was probably more susceptible to her powers. He finally managed to pull the zipper open and I almost fell out of his jacket. The cold stabbed at me from all side.

“Calm down, Serenity,” I tried to disarm the situation and glanced though tiny slits.

“You shut up! How can you do this again? Haven't you learned your lesson? What about Joshwin?” she hissed.

“You wanna tell her or should I?” Blake mused, and provokingly pressed his lips to mine again. That made Serenity explode. I only saw a flicker of movement before Serenity went in for a decent shove against Blake. Serenity bounced hard against the protective arm Blake held out from his body. I felt the humming from him spike dangerously, with tentacles snapping protectively around me.

“Don't do that Serenity,” he ordered firmly. “Don't you touch her. Perhaps you should learn to trust your best friend and ask questions before you resolve to violence,” Blake said with daunting authority.

“Serenity this isn't what it looks like,” I tried to defuse her anger. “Well it kinda is.”

“Really?” she barked condescending.

“Really...” I controlled my flaring temper. “Joshwin knows all about this, Blake and I are dating.”

“Dating?” she snorted, much the same way as Kasardian had when I used the human word for what we were doing.

“Yes.”

Her face evened out of the rage. She started flipping her eyes back and forth between us. “But that's impossible.”

“Did it look impossible to you?” Blake grinned suddenly relaxed again. His arm was gone as was the dangerous humming.

“Don't be smart tingle boy,” she curled her lip.

“I'll go tell Joshwin, she knows. You two talk. And Serenity, be nice, this is not a bad thing.” Blake's kiss released a groaning huff of a complaint from Serenity.

“How could you do this? Think about Joshwin,” she scolded when Blake was out of hearing range.

I could see what she thought this was. “I didn't thrust this on Joshwin. Blake is our choice, not only mine.”

“But Joshwin hates Blake, and with good reason,” she tried to rationalize.

“Not really. They are actually getting along fine.”

“Are you sure?”

I pondered for a moment. I should give her the benefits of what being best friend means. She should know. “Yes. Serenity I'm not just dating Blake, I asked him to marry me.” I could hear a plunk plunk as her eyeballs all but popped out of their sockets.

“Are you insane?” she hissed, not in anger, but surprise.

“Not really. It is going rather well.”

“Be careful or this will blow up in your face,” she paused. “Why didn't I know about this?”

“Nobody does... and we would like to keep it that way until he decides to accept or not.”

“What?!? He hasn't accepted yet and he is just using your services?” she sneered disproving.

Or the other way around. Blake was generously offering me something someone else wasn't, but that was another secret I would keep from her. Only Saddettin knew that. “It's not like that,” I settled with informing.

“Then what is it like?”

“I'm in love with him.” I couldn't stop the face splitting grin thinking about Blake’s dimply smile that would break your heart.

“Look at you, you really are.” Serenity softened completely. There was no sign of the enraged hissing from when she spotted us kissing.

“By the way, what are you doing out here?” I asked.

“I was looking for you. I've been curious about something for a while and I wanted to see if you were interested.”

“What?”

Serenity held out her hand and unfolded it. “I found them in Vasvár's room a few days ago.” I looked at the two cigarette shaped things. I knew what they were. Vasvár and Junius sometimes used them for meditation. Mom also made pills from that kind of herb. They could have a strong effect on you mind and set you spirit free. Close to regular weed, only stronger. “You wanna try this with me?” she chimed and tossed her hair. I was careful to avoid eye contact, just in case she chose to influence me to say yes.

“I'm not sure,” I hesitated, but to be honest I really wanted try.

“I'll keep your little secret if you do this with me,” she coaxed and did another hair toss for cuteness. I didn't have the heart to tell her that only worked on boys.

“Good morals there Serenity,” I pointed out. “Blackmailing me into smoking up, but sure, I'll try it with you.”

“Great,” She beamed. “After dinner, outside my window.”

Back at the house Blake had informed Joshwin  that Serenity knew about our little arrangement. It didn't bother him. Blake was working on his cooking skills and helping Dew, who tried hard not to get annoyed. I mentally I gave Blake an A for effort. I didn't inform the boys about my after dinner plans with Serenity. I told Blake to tell Joshwin I was helping her with some homework. I couldn't slip that white lie to Joshwin myself.

I pulled Joshwin's sweater on and hoped they didn't notice my thick boots used for outdoor activities. I climbed the railing and eased my way to the roof. Serenity's room was at the end, facing my house. She was already waiting for me, and we settled just around the corner giving us the most privacy, and a view over the forest. The evening was clear and crisp.

Serenity handed me the cigarette thing, and lit hers. I watched the glow light the darkness as she wheezed the smoke into her lungs. She coughed gently before letting out the white air. My heart raced when I held the joint with my lips and lit it. I pulled air through it and let it seep deeply into my lungs. The polluted smoke ribbed at my throat going in, settling in my lungs. It tasted sweet and bitter at the same time. I took another breath through it, and stifled the cough that followed.

“Why didn't you ask Saddettin?” I mouthed though a cloud of smoke.

“I did. He wasn't interested. Not his thing he said.” Serenity took another swing and held the air deep in her lungs. By my fourth pull at the joint I started to feel the effect. I could feel a simmering lightness flow from my chest and into my hands. My eyes started conveying colors I knew didn't exist at night, but they were beautiful, extraordinary in their perplex saturation. They flowed. I drew in another breath drenched in smoke. I turned to look at Serenity. Her hair had turned multicolored and she was smiling blissfully. I could see her chest bouncing in tiny hops, she was chuckling.

“You're high,” I listened to my own voice. It wasn't as deep as usual and had a sophisticated ringing to it.

“So are you,” she countered.

“What the hell are you doing?” I knew that voice, but I could barely see Joshwin's face. He was distorted by all the colors. I forgot to answer. I was absorbed by the layers in his beautiful voice. I lay down on my back and stared up into the dark clear sky where stars twinkled playfully above.

“Are you two getting high?” Joshwin's voice was much closer now and turned to see him round the corner, balancing on the roof. “I thought you were doing homework,” he admonished.

“You weren't supposed to know,” I slurred.

“You though you could hide this from me? Give it to me.” He fanned his hand for me to surrender the joint. Through the lightness I couldn't figure out if he was mad or not. Right now I didn't care. “Where's Saddettin?” Joshwin asked.

“Reading,” Serenity answered sluggishly. Her frame melted into the roof.

I remembered what Joshwin had asked for, so I held up the joint. He took it from my fingers. I expected him to put it out, but instead he held it to his lips, took a deep, deliberate, almost rehearsed drag, and then put it out against the roof. Then he took Serenity's, took another long drag and squashed the glow against the wood. “Hey...” A complaint rang in my ear.

“That's enough for you.” I saw his face change to his familiar heartbreaking smile. I remembered being surprised at what I just saw.

“Have you tried this before?”

“A few times,” Joshwin kept smiling impishly.

“You never told me. When did you?” I listened to the strange elegance in my voice. I drifted into the lightness.

“Chrystan and Illian used to steal Vasvár's stuff from time to time. I was the nosy younger brother,” Joshwin sighed effortlessly and let out the last bit of smoke.

“Oh... so you didn't wanna finish the rest of that?” I mumbled.

“No, I'm high enough from you as it is. How did you think I knew?”

I grinned. How could I not have considered Joshwin would notice me getting high? This wasn't one of my finer moments. I moved my eyes to the sky again. I drew patterns between the twinkling spots sorted by color. I felt Joshwin's fingers lace though mine and he tucked his face into my neck. “I love you.” I didn't bother to find my lips to speak. I just eased my hand under Joshwin's layers of shirts and placed my hand over his heart. I silently followed the slow rhythmical beating. He grabbed the fabric around my hand and held it firmly against his chest. I could sense his smell linger in the air and I lay dreamily and lightly in a tranquil timeout without worries.

“Did you guys think I wouldn't find out?” Serenity intruded my peace.

“Not now Serenity,” I mumbled dazed and let myself get sucked deeper into the light colorful world. There was nothing as tranquil as this. Right now nothing existed, only us.

I heard voices through the swimming colors and realized I'd dozed off into a dreamless sleep. I opened my eyes. Serenity was sitting up with Saddettin at her side. Joshwin was talking low, but still snuggled up to my side.

“Good, she's up.” I couldn't pick up who said what. The weightless motion was gone, but I still saw the wonderful colors.

“What are you talking about?” I croaked, finding Joshwin's soft blue eyes. They seemed to have become an even deeper blue with the help of a little mind altering smoke.

“I told them about Blake.” He stroked my cheek tenderly. “I had to explain to Serenity that it wasn't only your choice to ask him. Apparently she didn't believe you when you said that.”

“Shut up,” Serenity groaned from behind Joshwin.

“She didn't',” I suddenly started to worry. “Don't tell Blake about this.”

“Don't tell me what?” A husky voice asked.

“Oh no,” I groaned and coiled away from the sound of Blake's voice and hid my face in embarrassment. I didn't want him to see me like this.

“What is wrong with her?” Blake asked concerned. Joshwin and Serenity's laughter rang in my head. It wasn't the easy resounding anymore. It was heavier, like a pounding. The magic was wearing off.

“She's just high.” Joshwin's hand held mine in place over his heart and I could fell his chest bounce from laughing.

“What?!? You got her high?”

“Not really. She managed that all by herself. So it’s more the other way around.” Joshwin laughed again. Blake understood me getting stoned also involved Joshwin's mental state. He too found that amusing. I stayed put and hid my humiliation.

“Is it okay if I stay over? I don't feel much like driving home,” Blake said quietly.

“I'm sure your car will be very comfortable,” Serenity chirped mockingly.

“It actually is, but I think I will use the bed in my room,” Blake taunted back. Serenity mumbled something that I didn't want to pay attention to. They would have a harder time getting used to each other’s company than Blake and Joshwin had. “Is it okay?”

“It's fine, Blake. You don't have to ask every time,” Joshwin answered.

“Thanks. There are still a lot of things to get used to,” Blake said bleakly. I remembered my coil toward Joshwin and my hand up his shirt. I yanked back at it.

“He'll have to get used to it,” Joshwin said firmly and held against my pull. “He's fine.”

“So you guys do this often?” Blake asked.

I rolled to my back. “Only Joshwin here seems to be a pro,” I slurred. I eased my hand from Joshwin's chest and pressed two fingers to each of my temples. My head started pounding in heavy thuds.

Blake chucked. “Wow you are high. So what did you smoke anyway?” Blake poked his foot at the squashed bud.

“The same stuff as I gave you. She only smoked about half of what you had. But I bet you know how she feels just about now,” Joshwin said.

“Don't talk about me like I'm not here,” I mumbled and poked my head in between my knees. “I'm starting to think this wasn't such a great idea.” I groaned.

Serenity said something, but I couldn't pick out the words.

“I should get you to bed. Can you walk?” Joshwin asked insultingly.

“Of course I can walk, “ I sneered. But, standing proved I was not in complete control of my balance, and my head whirled. “Night everyone,” I muttered, and leaned against the wall for support.

“Careful,” Joshwin cautioned. “Blake, would you climb down and catch her if she falls.” If my head wasn't so woozy I would tell them both to butt out. Instead, I focused on staying on the roof.

“Sure... Elvia, the next time you decide to get stoned, could you not do it on the roof?” Blake jumped off the roof almost as elegantly as Joshwin. I eased my way to the railing with Blake ridiculously ready to catch me if I fall – which I don't.

“Will her parents be pissed if they see her like this?” Blake asked. We moved around the back of my house. My feet were heavy and sluggish, and I was awfully tired.

“Probably not. They are pretty casual about smoking up. But I am not completely sure” My arm was forced around a strong neck, and I leaned in for support.

“Really? More stuff to get used to. My parents would rip my head off and send me to military school if they knew half the stuff I did. Why aren't you high?” Blake asked.

“I am, just not as much and I probably am a better drunk than Elvie.” Joshwin lifted me up when we came to the back stairs.

“Would you please stop talking about me like I'm not here,” I growled. But it was so nice not having to walk.

“Fine Elvie. Why don't you climb the roof with Blake and I will see you in your room. Probably best not to flaunt your delicate state.”

“Fine,” I agreed and he put me down. At the end of the porch I climbed the railing with Blake's watchful hands guarding my every move. He followed and we snail-paced around to my window. I climbed through, losing balance, and tilting head-first onto the floor. I really was a bad drunk. My head was throbbing, I was parched and hungry.

Blake put in a decent attempt not to laugh at my stunt as I stumbled to my feet. Annoyed, I wanted to snap at Blake, but his smiling, loving eyes softened my irritation. “Goodnight,” he whispered, and sneaked in a quick kiss before Joshwin materialized through the door. Blake left.

I plopped heavily down on the bed, and Joshwin handed me a tall glass of water and some bread. I poured the water down in one long gulp and started chewing on the bread. The cold water made me feel better. “I'm sorry,” I mumbled embarrassed. This was a feeling I knew so well – humiliation.

“Don't worry about it? Just eat that. And the next time you plan to do that could you please tell me about it in case I'm driving or something,” Joshwin joked, entered the bathroom, then I could hear a toothbrush grind against his teeth. I focused on eating my bread. “You should sleep,” Joshwin said. His breath was fresh as he started to pull my boots off.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Being nice to Blake.”

“We'll he's making an effort, and if he decides to stick around, it would be better if we actually became brothers as intended.” Joshwin pulled his sweater off me, and then put it to his nose. “I like it when it smells like you.”

I brushed the now foul tasting smoke from my mouth, and tilted into bed next to Joshwin. In truth, it is much too early to go to bed, but we are both feeling the aftermath of Serenity's stolen goods. I zonked out in minutes, in Joshwin's arms.

I woke with a serious case of cotton mouth and a heavy head. I checked the time. Four-thirty. I tried to wet my mouth, but it was parched with a nasty taste. I lay still for a while and listened to Joshwin's quiet and deep breathing. He was sleeping. My mind wandered to Blake. It circled around the fact that he had seen me tonight, and that he was just down the hall. I swallowed dryly and decided to go downstairs for some water. I got out of bed and pulled on a shirt and PJ pants. I cracked the door open. It was dark in the hall, but there was a hint of light from somewhere downstairs. The light came from a small lamp in the corner of the kitchen. It tingled up my spine. “Why are you up?” I asked surprised when I arrived at the kitchen.

“Couldn't sleep,” he said dryly. He looked out the window. “There are so many unfamiliar sounds here. How are you feeling?” Blake grinned quietly and hugely amused.

“Better,” I admitted shamefaced. I focused on Blake again. He was dressed in sweats and a black hoodie pulled up. “Where've you been?”

“Outside for some fresh air.”

“Did that help?”

“A little.” He looked at me sadly. “Why are you up?”

I took a glass from the shelf. “Thirsty.” I poured water into the glass and let it run into my dry mouth. Hoisting myself to the kitchen table, I examined his face. “What is the real reason you can't sleep?”

“Just thinking,” Blake answered quietly. He placed himself between my parted legs. His face was halfway concealed deep in if the shadows of the hood.

“How are things for you here?” I asked even though I thought I understood. I put my fingers to his face and felt the chill from outside on his cheeks.

“Surprisingly good.” He smiled a fraction, then kissed me. I pushed the hood off his head and wrapped my arms around his neck and breathed in his delicious scent. He rested his head on my shoulder. “But somethings are difficult to...” He didn't finish, he didn't have to.

“Joshwin.”

“Yes, but not the way you might think.”

“Then what?” I toyed with a few strand of hairs behind his ear. It wasn't as short as it used to be.

“I just miss you when you away from me and then I feel guilty for monopolizing your time.”

“So you're not jealous?”

“Surprisingly no. I think I'm not, because I know exactly what he is to you. I don't have to spend time figuring out if you are with him. I know you are. I don't have to plot and scheme theories, that takes the jealousy away knowing beforehand what to expect.” His words were soft and close to my ear.

“So you don't mind?”

“Not really. So far I am fine with everything. I like being here. Besides I kinda like the guy. Behind his depressing and cool exterior he’s pretty awesome. And terrifyingly gifted with an ax. Seriously, have you seen him work the chopping block?” Blake chuckled and lifted his head from my shoulder. Slowly he placed his hand on my cheek. He leaned in and kissed me deeply. My head whirled when he pulled me close to his chest wrapped me in his arms. It was so comfortable being here in the dim light with him. I didn't feel the unspoken distance to him that I sometimes did with Joshwin. I knew that it was Joshwin's fear to give in to me, but it didn't make me any less lonely or depraved.

“We should go back to bed,” Blake said.

I poured down another glass of water, while Blake waited for me. I followed him up the stairs. Blake stopped at his room and took my face in his hands. “Goodnight,” he whispered. I threw my arms around his waist and held him to me. I wasn't ready to let him go yet. I wanted more of his closeness, more of his warmth. I rose to my toes and kissed him again. The kiss quickly took on a life of its own. It moved through me like a wild fire and quickly brought life to the breathing monster inside of me. I recognized the haze in my mind, but I needed more. I searched deeper into his mouth, listening to Blake's breath as it vastly increased. He let me. He was willing. I was aware our feet were moving and I heard a door close. Delirious, I fell to his bed and landed on my back. I was covered by a warmth I knew and I wanted. My shirt was yanked over my head and it was warmer, softer. It was Blake’s naked skin against mine. Warm and skilled hands trailed up my body, caressing and kneading hungrily. The fog in my mind was thick and dense, impossible to penetrate. A leg pushed in-between mine and I hinged my body around it. It tingled playfully in the pit of my stomach, as waves of unfamiliar pleasures swam from between my thighs.

Sinfully my hand moved down his stomach, searching and touching. There was no panic, no tension of muscles, no running away when I touched Blake, familiarizing myself with how he felt for the first time. There were only moans of pleasure and an increasing humming when I stroked the soft skin laced over steel. “I want you so much.” His breathing was harsh and labored, and mirroring mine.

A tingle started building in the deep of my stomach and I moaned loudly. The passion was overwhelming and I gave into my hunger, my need for closeness. And I fed. I craved more. I filled myself with Blake. I was drawn in into the forbidden darkness by my breathing monster. All I felt was the distinct humming of desire from Blake. It was strong and sizzling. Engulfed in Blake's warmth and through his advances, I heard the wrong voice.

“Elvirina. Don't!”

Feverish panic swept through me. Joshwin's hissing voice was so clear it sounded like it was in the room with us. Blake was still kissing me when my lips fell still. He hungrily shifted his mouth down the column of my throat. I listened to my breath that was heavy and erratic. I paddled through the haze in my mind and evaluated the state of my body and needs. I was very busy breaking a promise.

“Stop... stop, stop,” I heaved in another deep breath. “Blake, we promised.”

“Mmm,” he mumbled against my skin, but continued his seductive kissing. His lips eagerly moved over the uneven skin of my scar, kissing and caressing my breast.

“Blake,” I said louder and pushed against his shoulders. “We need to stop.”

He looked up, adorably confused, than took a staggered sweep of us. I wasn't the only one lost in a thick fog. “Oh crap.” He groaned and looked at me. His hair was a mess and his lips a potent, moistened color. His breath flew in and out of his chest. “Oh shit,” he murmured. He didn't have a clue how we got here, and so far, any more than I did. “Joshwin,” he mumbled next. I nodded, and he started to scramble off me, sitting back on his knees, giving me full opportunity to appreciate our position. Despite the darkness, I was stunned to see Blake completely naked and glad to see I was still in my PJ pants, though Blake's hand was buried deep beneath the fabric. Not until that moment did I realize things had gone too far. Blake had actually put his fingers inside of me, and I was pretty sure that was a promise breaker. Shit. The elastic snapped at my waist when Blake retrieved his hand. I swiftly jumped off the bed and blindly searched for my shirt in the darkness. I found it and yanked it over my head. I fled the room the second I was decent, leaving a still-naked Blake with only a sheet as cover.

In the hall I squealed when I almost ran smack into Joshwin. He was leaning against the wall. The resigned and disappointed look on his face pained me deeply. When the hell would I be smart enough to stop hurting him? He stepped out in the middle of the hall and crossed his marked arms over his chest. He lips narrowing into a thin line. I feebly tried to straighten my hair. I knew it was a mess. I dared a peak at Joshwin's hard face, to see his jaw clenched firmly.

“Please have the courtesy and respect for me, to wait until he decides to marry you.” Words escaped a set of hard clenched teeth. I could feel anger radiate from his body. He looked oddly disproving down my body and up to my face again. “I am only going to remind you once. Have some fucking respect Elvirina,” he finished grimly and cutting. My heart thudded wildly in my chest. It was a toxic mix of Blake's desire and Joshwin's anger. Joshwin sighed, wheeled around, stalked down the hall and closed the door to his room. I heard the lock snap in the darkness. That second, Blake tumbled out from his room. Apparently he had found his sweats again. We stood side by side, staring at Joshwin’s closed door.

“He's right you know, we should be more respectful. We are not being fair to him,” Blake said quietly. “Is he angry?”

“Yes.”

“I'll make you a deal. If you make sure not to get me in trouble, I'll make sure not to get you in trouble,” Blake said guilty.

“It's a deal,” I answered still staring at the closed door.

“Nice touch,” Blake chuckled.

“What?” I snapped and looked up as he pointed to my chest. I followed his finger and understood the look of disapproval Joshwin had given me. It wasn't my t-shirt I had found. It was one of Blake's basketball jersey’s and I had it on backwards, so I had BLAKE plastered all over my chest.

“Fuck,” I hissed and tore the shirt off, smacked it against Blake's chest. “Goodnight,” I mumbled and stalked half naked to my room.

I picked up another shirt and threw it on. I climbed into the sheets. They were still warm from Joshwin. I couldn't seem to close my eyes or find rest. I tossed and turned in bed, going over what happened. I didn't remember much other than being hauled into the darkness by my monster and it being GOOD. I couldn't remember if Blake has stripped himself or I had helped him. How much longer would it have been until I had been naked too and Blake and I had slept together again? It could only have been a matter of minutes.

Joshwin didn't ask for much, and what he actually did ask for, I didn't even have the decency to provide. My father was right. I would disappoint him. I was ashamed. As per previous experiences I let the guilt ravish me to make sure Joshwin felt how sorry I was. Once again I had been overpowered by Blake and what he wanted to give me that Joshwin didn't. This time Joshwin had been able to stop me.